ATLANTA, GEORGIA, USA
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives in Atlanta, knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,"When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Ave, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then it's still "Coke."
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel lost...they're just on a "scenic drive."
The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00am Saturday.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on").
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight saving time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet
paper, and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.
If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.
Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.
Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence it's name.
Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Georgia 400 is our equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120! . Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc. are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies you will die.
But other than that, it's a great place to live!
