'Twas tha night before Chrizzle, when all thro' tha house
Not a cold-ass lil creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
Da stockings was hung by tha chimney wit care,
In hopes dat St. Nicholas soon would be there;
Da lil pimps was nestled all snug up in they beds,
While visionz of sugar plums danced up in they heads
And Mama up in her 'kerchizzle, n' I up in mah cap,
Had just settled our domes fo' a long-ass winterz nap-
When up on tha lawn there arose such a cold-ass lil clatter,
I sprang from tha bed ta peep what tha **** was tha matter.
Away ta tha window I flew like a gangbangin' flash,
Tore open tha shutters, n' threw up tha sash.
Da moon on tha breast of tha freshly smoked up fallen snow,
Gave tha lusta of mid-dizzle ta objects below;
When, what tha **** ta mah wonderin eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, n' eight tiny reindeer,
With a lil oldschool driver, so lively n' quick,
I knew up in a moment it must be St. Nick.
Mo' rapid than eaglez his coursers they came,
And da thug whistled, n' shouted, n' call'd dem by name:
"Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer n' Vixen,
"On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder n' Blixem;
"To tha top of tha porch! To tha top of tha wall!
"Now dash away dawwwwg! Dash away dawwwwg! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves dat before tha wild hurricane fly,
When they hook up wit a obstacle, mount ta tha sky;
So up ta tha house-top tha coursers they flew,
With tha sleigh full of toys-and St. Nicholas too:
And then up in a twinkling, I heard on tha roof
Da prancin n' pawin of each lil hoof.
As I drew up in mah head, n' was turnin around,
Down tha chimney St. Nicholas came wit a funky-ass bound:
Dude was dress'd all up in fur, from his head ta his wild lil' foot,
And his threadz was all tarnish'd wit ashes n' soot;
A bundle of toys was flung on his back,
And he look'd like a peddla just openin his thugged-out lil' pack:
His eyes-how they twinkled hommie! His dimples: how tha **** merry,
His cheeks was like roses, his nozzle like a cold-ass lil cherry;
His droll lil grill was drawn up like a funky-ass bow,
And tha beard of his chin was as white as tha snow;
Da stump of a pipe dat schmoooove mutha****a held tight up in his cold-ass teeth,
And tha smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
Dude had a funky-ass broad face, n' a lil round belly
That shook when he laugh'd, like a funky-ass bowl full of jelly:
Dude was chubby n' plump, a right jolly oldschool elf,
And I laugh'd when I saw his ass up in spite of mah dirty ass;
A wink of his wild lil' ****in eye n' a twist of his head
Soon gave me ta know I had not a ******** thang ta dread.
Dude was rappin not a word yo, but went straight ta his work,
And fill'd all tha stockings; then turn'd wit a jerk,
And layin his wild lil' finger aside of his nose
And givin a nod, up tha chimney he rose.
Dude sprung ta his sleigh, ta his cold-ass crew gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like tha down of a thistle:
But I heard his ass exclaim, ere da ruffneck drove outta sight-
Kool as **** Chrizzle ta all, n' ta all a phat night.
