A little humor

markb5900

Line Up and Wait
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Mark B
Found this today. (Credit to http://www.dvorak.org/blog )

It is kind of a long read, but worth it.


There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact.
We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. We would soon be flying real missions. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.
I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, tasked with monitoring four different radios. It had been difficult for me to relinquish control of the radios, but it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, controlling daily traffic in their sector.
We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed.
-Center replied: “November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground.”
Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important.
Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his ground speed.
-”Ah, Twin Beach: I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed.”
Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren.
Then out of the blue, a Navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios.
-”Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check.”
Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it — ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet.
And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion:
-”Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground.”
And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios.
Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke:
-”Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?”
There was no hesitation, and the reply came as if was an everyday request:
-”Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground.”
I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice:
-”Ah, Center, much thanks. We’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money.”
For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the controllers voice when L.A. came back with:
-”Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one.”
It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed.
 
That..........is...........so........freaking...........awesome!
 
I still like this:

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52, however, continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "I'm waiting, what are you going to do?"
"We just shut down two engines."
 
Heh - reminds me of another story I heard: Several pilots are on with ATC, each asking for a higher altitude as they try to out-do each other. Then an SR-71 comes on, requesting FL600. The controller says "If you can reach it, you can have it". The pilot responds "... descending FL600".
 
I still like this:

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52, however, continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "I'm waiting, what are you going to do?"
"We just shut down two engines."


The version of this I heard, the punch line was " I just got up and used the Lav."
 
Heh - reminds me of another story I heard: Several pilots are on with ATC, each asking for a higher altitude as they try to out-do each other. Then an SR-71 comes on, requesting FL600. The controller says "If you can reach it, you can have it". The pilot responds "... descending FL600".

"Turn left heading [180 opposite current heading]"

That'll shut 'em up. :D
 
are you telling me the SR-71 couldn't make 180 degree turns???
 
Yeah, at the stated 1900 nm/hr, a 20-degree bank would have him make a 180-degree turn in 14 minutes 24 seconds, and his turn diameter would be 290 nautical miles.

http://www.csgnetwork.com/aircraftturninfocalc.html

Talk about the need to slow down for holding patterns!!

I remember reading in some SR-71 pilot's recollection that in response to center's request for a heading change the SR-71 replied, "This is an SR-71 and we don't do turns..."

Someone have that reference?
 
Hi Dan,

I have heard Rod Machado joke about it when presenting about flying IFR - and procedure turns.... Something like "This is Blackbird 123 and ma'am we don't do turns"... and then Machado's student saying: "Hey, why didn't you tell me we could just say that?"
It's on one of Rod's videos
 
Hi Dan,

I have heard Rod Machado joke about it when presenting about flying IFR - and procedure turns.... Something like "This is Blackbird 123 and ma'am we don't do turns"... and then Machado's student saying: "Hey, why didn't you tell me we could just say that?"
It's on one of Rod's videos

Yep! That's where I heard it -- or read it (In his IFR book)
 
Talk about the need to slow down for holding patterns!!

Never mind traffic patterns! When they were still flying I watched an SR-71 and one of their tankers doing circuits and bumps out of Beale. The Sled was doing two laps around the pattern for every one of the tanker's.
 
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