A bit of a dilemma

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Tom-D, Dec 1, 2017.

  1. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    Today a neighbors kid died, he was a fifty-ish old known drug misuser, alcoholic, never worked, mooched off his SS dependent mother.
    now we must say some thing remorseful to his mom.
    Just don't have the words.
     
  2. paflyer

    paflyer Final Approach

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2010
    Messages:
    7,091
    Location:
    PA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    PAFlyer
    "I'm sorry for your loss."
     
    Bill Jennings likes this.
  3. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    I don't think she feels it is a loss.
     
  4. mscard88

    mscard88 Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2015
    Messages:
    22,823
    Location:
    Alabama
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Mark
    Think of the mom Tom, and say something short and respectful, then move on.
     
    Norman and timwinters like this.
  5. strangebird

    strangebird Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2012
    Messages:
    153
    Location:
    Georgia
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    strangebird
    Be kind and understand this is now not about the son that died now, but the Mother that must be grieving for her loss, be kind to her and say you are sorry for her loss, If I can do anything for you, let me know.
    Get a nice condolence card and hand deliver it
    Be gracious and kind and you will be better for it.
     
  6. 455 Bravo Uniform

    455 Bravo Uniform Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,931
    Location:
    KLAF
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    455 Bravo Uniform
    Take a card, some food, and a hug, squeeze of the arm, pat on the back. Say if she needs anything, just let you know.
     
  7. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    Those of you should know, their fights could be heard all over the neighbor hood, and she shot this guy once, I don't believe there is much remorse
    When I see her, I'll let her start the conversation and see where it goes.
     
  8. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    OH no! with her, that would not be a good thing,,, she is the really needy type.
     
  9. Zeldman

    Zeldman Final Approach

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    9,459
    Location:
    NM or the emergency room...
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Billy
    Just give her a big hug, kiss her on the cheek, move on. She will take it the way she wants it.
     
  10. Ryanb

    Ryanb Final Approach PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7,581
    Location:
    Tennessee
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ryan
    Really, Tom? This is a dilemma for you?

    Be respectful, express sympathy and offer a word of encouragement. Do what you feel is appropriate.
     
    Norman, timwinters and SkyDog58 like this.
  11. tawood

    tawood Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2015
    Messages:
    1,833
    Location:
    SE Michigan
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tim
    So she would be feeling guilty for thinking that...all the more reason to give her sympathy. Like others said, something short like “sorry for your loss.”
     
  12. Ravioli

    Ravioli Final Approach

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    5,301
    Location:
    Fort Worth
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Pasta Man
    If the relationship was as strained as you indicated and the mother is the needy type, she's probably torturing herself about all the ways his behavior was her fault.

    Just tell her she's in your prayers right now. Doesn't say anything pro or con about the guy, and is hopefully true.
     
  13. overdrive148

    overdrive148 En-Route

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2013
    Messages:
    3,203
    Location:
    Fort Worth, TX
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    overdrive148
    You only fight with someone like that if you care about them. I would say sorry for the loss.
     
    Skyrys62 likes this.
  14. Skyrys62

    Skyrys62 Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,833
    Location:
    Owensboro, KY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Skyrys62
    She may be relieved, but as a parent still broken hearted.
    Technically you don't have to say anything. You could just give her a big hug. Sometimes those say enough.
     
  15. WannFly

    WannFly En-Route

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2016
    Messages:
    3,304
    Location:
    KFAR
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    WannaFly
    Just stand next her, u don't have to say a word. Just being there for her conveyes a lot that words might or might express.

    Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
     
  16. steingar

    steingar Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2007
    Messages:
    25,304
    Location:
    Land of Savages
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    steingar
    I’ve never heard of a parent that didn’t love their child, and I can’t imagine a greater misfortune than outliving your own children.
    Thankfully nostalgia involves the near willful forgetfulness of the negative. Only the cherished memories remain. Moreover, it is in hideously bad taste to speak ill of the dead.
     
    Ravioli and Ryanb like this.
  17. JOhnH

    JOhnH Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    May 20, 2009
    Messages:
    10,728
    Location:
    Florida
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Spun Out
    Why do you feel the need to say anything?
    If you run into her, say something innocuous like "how are you" and play it by ear from there.

    Or you could say something like "it's a shame he didn't die when you shot him".

    I knew an older German woman who's son sounded like the son you described. When he died she told me "I'm just glad it's over". And she never even shot him.
     
  18. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    I think this is pretty much what I'll do.
    I see this morning her place is all shut up, and her car and dogs gone.
     
  19. inspectorpacket

    inspectorpacket Filing Flight Plan

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2017
    Messages:
    29
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    inspectorpacket
    First post nailed it. She is/was the mother and regardless of the family drama there is a loss whenever a parent looses a child.
     
    Zeldman likes this.
  20. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    29,123
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    We learned today she is glad it's over, he was on his way to the crematory before the ink was dry on his death certificate.
    I see the good will truck there today.