Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Not recommended to those with delicate stomachs ...

 
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Jim K said:
So does that mean she's not running for reelection?
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Matthew said:
She’ll keep voting, though.
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I suppose there's always the option to play "Weekend at Bernies" and keep her voting... Though that's what they've been doing for a while pretty much.
Sorry, don't mean to insult the deceased, but our politicians need to know when it's time to step aside!
 
ArrowFlyer86 said:
I suppose there's always the option to play "Weekend at Bernies" and keep her voting... Though that's what they've been doing for a while pretty much.
Sorry, don't mean to insult the deceased, but our politicians need to know when it's time to step aside!
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Agree, we shouldn't insult the departed. I'll remember her in a twist of a Russian proverb. She was smart, like tractor, and socially aware, like Stalin.
 
A man was brought into the funeral home wearing a perfectly tailored black suit. The widow showed up a bit later and while discussing the arrangements, the mortician asked if she wanted him buried in the same suit. The widow responded No, I want him in a blue suit as it is his best color. With that she handed over a check and told the mortician to buy a nicely tailored blue suit.
The next day she came in to view the body and was overjoyed at the work. The new blue suit looked wonderful and her late husband was perfect. She complemented the mortician at which time the mortician handed her back the check uncashed. The widow said no, I can't take this, that blue suit must have cost a fortune. The Mortician said that shortly afterward a man the same size as her late husband was brought in wearing a blue suit. He asked that man's widow if she mined if he was buried in a black suit. That widow said no, she wouldn't mind as long as it wouldn't cost extra. "So you just switched suits and that was it?" said the first widow. How very clever.
"Naw that was too much trouble" replied the mortician, "I just switched the heads."
 
pmanton said:
A man was brought into the funeral home wearing a perfectly tailored black suit. The widow showed up a bit later and while discussing the arrangements, the mortician asked if she wanted him buried in the same suit. The widow responded No, I want him in a blue suit as it is his best color. With that she handed over a check and told the mortician to buy a nicely tailored blue suit.
The next day she came in to view the body and was overjoyed at the work. The new blue suit looked wonderful and her late husband was perfect. She complemented the mortician at which time the mortician handed her back the check uncashed. The widow said no, I can't take this, that blue suit must have cost a fortune. The Mortician said that shortly afterward a man the same size as her late husband was brought in wearing a blue suit. He asked that man's widow if she mined if he was buried in a black suit. That widow said no, she wouldn't mind as long as it wouldn't cost extra. "So you just switched suits and that was it?" said the first widow. How very clever.
"Naw that was too much trouble" replied the mortician, "I just switched the heads."
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Just say “#393” and we’ll all laugh. ;)
SCCutler said:
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The Blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, and she points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'
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Charlie Golf said:
It was my wife's birthday this week and she had been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.

So, I bought her a magazine rack.
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I had a similar experience with the wife's birthday. She kept hinting for something shiny that would hit 180 when she stepped on it. Got her a bathroom scale ...
 
Daleandee said:
I had a similar experience with the wife's birthday. She kept hinting for something shiny that would hit 180 when she stepped on it. Got her a bathroom scale ...
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I made a similar egregious misstep this weekend by trying to get my passenger's (a girl) weight at our Gaston's fly in. I promised her it was for W&B reasons needed for safe flying but she still was less than cooperative...
 
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