Friends with benefits

[SoonerAviator]

Funny thing is when I read Aerostar, I thought the same thing. We had a maroon one.

My parents had the Chevy Astro with Tiera Motorcoach conversion package. Pretty nice ride for our sports tournament "vacations" multiple weekends per month. Fancy limo lighting on the ceiling, captains chairs, power-collapsible 3rd row bed, window shades, and built-in TV/rear audio controls and running boards/ground effects. That's livin'! lol.

 

[luvflyin]

 

[Bill]

My parents had the Chevy Astro with Tiera Motorcoach conversion package.

LIke this?

 

[EdFred]

My parents had the Chevy Astro with Tiera Motorcoach conversion package. Pretty nice ride for our sports tournament "vacations" multiple weekends per month. Fancy limo lighting on the ceiling, captains chairs, power-collapsible 3rd row bed, window shades, and built-in TV/rear audio controls and running boards/ground effects. That's livin'! lol.

We still use those for work. Have one with 500,000 miles on it. Another with well over 200,000.

 

[luvflyin]

Would it help you to know that I am speaking of women AS A WOMAN? I am not infantilizing the female sex, I am telling you what biologically happens AS A WOMAN when we engage in relationships and sex. If I was arguing that women shouldn't be allowed to be in a friends with benefits relationship, as in, it was illegal or something because they might get emotionally hurt, that would be approaching the level of infantilizing women. Saying that it is a poor decision at least most of the time for women to decide to engage in sex without a committed relationship is me admitting the limitations of my sex. We as women need a committed relationship to balance out the emotional investment we biologically make that comes with the physical act of sex with another person. I'm sorry if that offends you, but that's just reality.

I don't think that people should avoid things just because they might get hurt, but I do think that people should think about the chances of something going wrong before they engage in activities, whether that is flying a plane or engaging in a relationship of any kind. There's a level of hurt that comes with everything. I'm not denying that. But deciding, as a woman, to engage in a relationship where there is physical intimacy with no emotional commitment or security is a very risky proposition, mentally, physically, and emotionally. That's all I'm trying to say.

“………But deciding, as a woman, to engage in a relationship where there is physical intimacy with no emotional commitment or security is a very risky proposition, mentally, physically, and emotionally……”

Unless she wants no emotional commitment or security. The only risk then is if the guy goes mushy on her and she has to deal with that.

 

[RyanB]

Heh, the Chevy Astro…

Grandpa had one. Always felt extremely top heavy going down the road, especially if the winds kicked up!

 

[luvflyin]

Sex people, sex. If we gotta talk cars, howsabout the best and worst cars to do it in

 

[Half Fast]

We had the GMC Safari version, basically the same van as the Astro. Went through two of them, put over 200kmi on each. I used one of them as my tow vehicle for my race car. Excellent vans, I wish they were still made.

Slight thread drift.....

 

[Half Fast]

Sex people, sex. If we gotta talk cars, howsabout the best and worst cars to do it in

Smart Car.

 

[Doug Reid]

We talking about two old people on medicare ?

 

[Half Fast]

We talking about two old people on medicare ?

Well, I am. I'm not sure what these kids are yapping about....

 

[SkyChaser]

“………But deciding, as a woman, to engage in a relationship where there is physical intimacy with no emotional commitment or security is a very risky proposition, mentally, physically, and emotionally……”

Unless she wants no emotional commitment or security. The only risk then is if the guy goes mushy on her and she has to deal with that.

That's true, although a woman who doesn't want emotional commitment or security most likely has serious emotional damage at that point and probably has a history of trauma. I think most of the risk in a relationship with a woman like that is risk for the guy...

 

[RyanB]

You are literally infantilizing people right now

Awh shucks, that’s too bad!

 

[SoonerAviator]

LIke this?

Lol, same teal color, with a bunch of beige stripes and running boards, better wheels, completely different middle/rear windows (had lower sliders/bug screens), etc. No General Lee graphics unfortunately.

Heh, the Chevy Astro…

Grandpa had one. Always felt extremely top heavy going down the road, especially if the winds kicked up!

Yeah, I drove it quite a lot with a learner's permit and when the wind was up it could be a handful with that large slab side catching every bit of the force.

Sex people, sex. If we gotta talk cars, howsabout the best and worst cars to do it in

That Astro had a 3rd row bench that power-folded into a bed and had pull down curtains! You could control the rear air and audio from the back, complete with mood lighting! What better car could you ask for when doing the deed?!!

 

[Morgan3820]

Once I got married, I lost all interest in women.

 

[X3 Skier]

We talking about two old people on medicare ?

I’VE BEEN OUTED!!!!

Cheers

 

[Katamarino]

I am telling you what biologically happens AS A WOMAN when we engage in relationships and sex. Saying that it is a poor decision at least most of the time for women to decide to engage in sex without a committed relationship is me admitting the limitations of my sex. We as women need a committed relationship to balance out the emotional investment we biologically make that comes with the physical act of sex with another person.

I think that it's you admitting the limitations of yourself, not your gender. I don't think you can talk for all women any more than I could talk for all men.

Anyway, I thought in the US that a Friend with Benefits was someone who registered you as their partner so you could access healthcare...

 

[SkyChaser]

I think that it's you admitting the limitations of yourself, not your gender. I don't think you can talk for all women any more than I could talk for all men.

Anyway, I thought in the US that a Friend with Benefits was someone who registered you as their partner so you could access healthcare...

No, it is a biological fact that women struggle emotionally and mentally when they have sex with multiple partners, and their ability to bond diminishes with every new partner. I can go find the studies and all that if you would like, because they exist and have for years.

If I was stating my own limitations, I would say that I couldn't be in any relationship where I was simply a "friend with benefits", even if I was single and even if it was not morally abhorrent to me, because I get very emotionally attached to people I care about, and being that intimate with someone requires a huge emotional attachment for me.

 

[DaleB]

Funny thing is when I read Aerostar, I thought the same thing. We had a maroon one.

We had one; maroon over gold Eddie Bauer. The middle and rear seats would fold flat into a huge bed. Great place to have our five kids sleeping while we drive all night (it seemed) going to and from an endless stream of family events.

Bought it in ‘89 (it was a leftover ‘88) and drove it until ‘96.

 

[Palmpilot]

...Every single person I've known thats had a FWB relationship, at least one of the parties has always changed their stance on how they felt about the other person. Always.

I've never been able to reliably predict my own emotions, so I can certainly believe that statement.

 

[Katamarino]

No, it is a biological fact that women struggle emotionally and mentally when they have sex with multiple partners, and their ability to bond diminishes with every new partner. I can go find the studies and all that if you would like, because they exist and have for years.

If I was stating my own limitations, I would say that I couldn't be in any relationship where I was simply a "friend with benefits", even if I was single and even if it was not morally abhorrent to me, because I get very emotionally attached to people I care about, and being that intimate with someone requires a huge emotional attachment for me.

Sure, I'd be interested to read a study if you have one to hand.

 

[SkyChaser]

Sure, I'd be interested to read a study if you have one to hand.

Give me a minute, and I'll go dig it up. It's been a few years since I read it.

EDIT: I'm sorry, I can't find it online. I can find a bunch of studies about male prairie dogs, though somehow I don't think that quite fits what you are expecting.
The one I read specifically was in an old issue of Gynecologic and Obstetric Investigation. I think it was from the mid 90s. Anyway, the gist of the article, if you'll believe me, was that the level of oxytocin released by a woman decreased slightly after having one partner, and decreased significantly after having more than three or four partners. Because oxytocin is an important hormone for the formation of emotional pair-bonds, women who did not secrete enough oxytocin during their interactions with their new partners did not receive the same amount of pleasure from the interactions and did not exhibit the same level of desire for the new partner as they had for previous partners. Since oxytocin is also important in regulating emotional responses to stress, reduced amounts of it is related to poor mental health, instances of depression and anxiety, and difficulty dealing with stress in a constructive way.

 

[Piperonca]

No, it is a biological fact that women struggle emotionally and mentally when they have sex with multiple partners, and their ability to bond diminishes with every new partner. I can go find the studies and all that if you would like, because they exist and have for years.

If I was stating my own limitations, I would say that I couldn't be in any relationship where I was simply a "friend with benefits", even if I was single and even if it was not morally abhorrent to me, because I get very emotionally attached to people I care about, and being that intimate with someone requires a huge emotional attachment for me.

The degree and kind of a man's sexuality reach up into the ultimate pinnacle of his spirit.

Friedrich Nietzsche.


Substitute human being for man. I read Nietzsche in my youth, and was struck by some of his aphorisms. They stand the test of time, for a reason.

 

[SkyChaser]

The degree and kind of a man's sexuality reach up into the ultimate pinnacle of his spirit.

Friedrich Nietzsche.


Substitute human being for man. I read Nietzsche in my youth, and was struck by some of his aphorisms. They stand the test of time, for a reason.

I don't know that I can interpret what he is saying correctly. You must be a lot smarter than me!

 

[Piperonca]

I don't know that I can interpret what he is saying correctly. You must be a lot smarter than me!

Not likely, just older with a bunch of hard miles. Father and grandfather of daughters, too. Read with your heart and not your brain is all I can say. Anything else and the mods would have to start up the spin zone or whatever it was called.

 

[schmookeeg]

To be incapable of taking one's enemies, one's accidents, even one's misdeeds seriously for very long—that is the sign of strong, full natures in whom there is an excess of the power to form, to mold, to recuperate and to forget[...] Such a man shakes off with a single shrug many vermin that eat deep into others; here alone genuine 'love of one's enemies' is possible—supposing it to be possible at all on earth. How much reverence has a noble man for his enemies!—and such reverence is a bridge to love.—For he desires his enemy for himself, as his mark of distinction; he can endure no other enemy than one in whom there is nothing to despise and very much to honor!

I think Nietzsche just called me a craven worm.

 

[Piperonca]

Wish I could have read him in the original German. He was supposedly fond of making terrible puns which are of course lost in translation. Nietzsche was all over the map, and challenging to comprehend in much of his work. Some of it is transcendent, some of it human, all too human.

“What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.”

 

[Terry M - 3CK (Chicago)]

@Katamarino when I was trying to save my marriage I read The Married Man’s Guide to Sex, a bunch of other stuff by Athol Kay and a lot of game stuff (picking up women / game).

It’s all based on these biological ticks that go back through evolution. Oxytocin / pair bonding hormones have saved (and destroyed) lots of relationships. It’s real, especially if orgasm is involved. Both ways (women to men and men to women).

It’s real. Google searchable.

Men are hardwired to plant their seed wide to ensure the continuation of their blood line. Much lower (on average) screening criteria for sexual partners as they aren’t genetically looking for long term.

Women historically, are much more selective because they get stuck raising the young. Makes them much less mobile (because of it) and susceptible to attack, requiring protection from lions, bears, and marauding tribes (generalization over history).

That’s why chics dig gang bangers. Protection. Serial killers. Tough guys. Wealthy dudes can provide for their kids. Why they bond with the victors that just killed their husband and father of their children . . . Darwin. Survival instinct.

Pair bonding is part of that.

Ive got no sources to site but it makes sense, I’ve read lots about it and it seems to apply to lots of women and men Ive seen.

 

[Piperonca]

How’d that work for you?

 

[Terry M - 3CK (Chicago)]

@Piperonca it works if you follow the program.

The core is to get in wicked shape so she’s attracted to you, but others are too. Be a decent human but also not GAF.

I haven’t gotten into wicked shape, so I’m still married due to the lack of partners part on her end, but gotta get fit or nothing works (marriage, career, parenting, friends). Food is my booze/medicine. Stressed at work (all the time), stressed at kids sporting events etc. Eat.

Short Fat guys don’t, generally, get much flattering attention.

Worked for a bit. I didn’t follow through. One take away was . . . “She can make herself have sex with you, but she can’t make herself WANT to have sex with you. Only attraction does that.”

Attraction = fit, getting things done, going your own way (not kissing her ass) and allowing her to come along.

It’s a lot of work.


ETA: many will call BS and say it doesn’t work, not with modern women etc. I’ve seen it work. It’s DNA, largely. It’s not a mental trigger, it’s a biological trigger. There will be woman who detest you but want to sleep with you.

Just like the hip to waist ratio on women for men. It’s a biological trigger. I don’t remember the ratio, but if they hit or exceed that ratio, you have to look. Instinct.

 

[Piperonca]

@Piperonca it works if you follow the program.

The core is to get in wicked shape so she’s attracted to you, but others are too. Be a decent human but also not GAF.

I haven’t gotten into wicked shape, so I’m still married due to the lack of partners part on her end, but gotta get fit or nothing works (marriage, career, parenting, friends). Food is my booze/medicine. Stressed at work (all the time), stressed at kids sporting events etc. Eat.

Short Fat guys don’t, generally, get much flattering attention.

Worked for a bit. I didn’t follow through. One take away was . . . “She can make herself have sex with you, but she can’t make herself WANT to have sex with you. Only attraction does that.”

Attraction = fit, getting things done, going your own way (not kissing her ass) and allowing her to come along.

It’s a lot of work.


ETA: many will call BS and say it doesn’t work, not with modern women etc. I’ve seen it work. It’s DNA, largely. It’s not a mental trigger, it’s a biological trigger.

Appreciate knowing the background you’re dealing with. Being well into the retired phase of life, I still get flashbacks thinking about some of the hard situations my wife and I had to go through. Especially now the general stress levels for everyone seem higher. All you can do is do your best. The one thing in that department I have to offer is absolutely this: You’ve already picked up on how critical exercise/fitness is. That’s going to save you, IMHO. Romantic benefits will follow like flowers follow the rain.

 

[Morgan3820]

I think that it's you admitting the limitations of yourself, not your gender. I don't think you can talk for all women any more than I could talk for all men.

Anyway, I thought in the US that a Friend with Benefits was someone who registered you as their partner so you could access healthcare...

I think skychaser has it pegged.
Friends with benefits in the US is about NSA sex

 

[Katamarino]

I think skychaser has it pegged.
Friends with benefits in the US is about NSA sex

Skychaser may well have identified an accurate stereotype, but when dealing with individuals a stereotype is entirely meaningless.

As a British man, any "research" will say that I love beer and football. I like neither.

 

[Piperonca]

It’s all about degree and kind, of which there are many different ones. One person’s limitations are another person’s standards.

And for pair bonding there’s The Naked Ape: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Naked_Ape

 

[SkyChaser]

As a British man, any "research" will say that I love beer and football. I like neither.

That would be comparative to saying all women love shopping and girls' nights out, of which I like neither. It's not a "stereotype" about women I'm talking about, it's biological facts with very few exceptions. It would be comparable to researchers who conclude that because you're a British man, you at one time held citizenship in the UK and you have the chromosomal pair XY.

 

[eman1200]

Skychaser may well have identified an accurate stereotype, but when dealing with individuals a stereotype is entirely meaningless.

As a British man, any "research" will say that I love beer and football. I like neither.

One’s biological the other geographical, not remotely similar.

 

[LesGawlik]

My parents had the Chevy Astro with Tiera Motorcoach conversion package. Pretty nice ride for our sports tournament "vacations" multiple weekends per month. Fancy limo lighting on the ceiling, captains chairs, power-collapsible 3rd row bed, window shades, and built-in TV/rear audio controls and running boards/ground effects. That's livin'! lol.

We had something almost the same. It was an Astro with a conversion top. TV, VCR, captains chairs and third row bed/bench. We drove from Baltimore to Ontario often, and the kids were small. VCR tape in the back, and the kids were good for the duration. The only problem was that the animated movies often had scenes that flashed from red to blue. All I could see was the red and blue in the back, and I thought I was being pulled over!

 

[Half Fast]

Short Fat guys don’t, generally, get much flattering attention.

You could make that simply “short guys” and still be accurate.

Trust me.

 

[Katamarino]

That would be comparative to saying all women love shopping and girls' nights out, of which I like neither. It's not a "stereotype" about women I'm talking about, it's biological facts with very few exceptions. It would be comparable to researchers who conclude that because you're a British man, you at one time held citizenship in the UK and you have the chromosomal pair XY.

Both the examples you just gave are absolutes; i.e., they are true for literally 100% of British men.

You're therefore stating that you think literally 0% of women are capable of being in a "healthy" NSA relationship.

This makes me curious as to what other activities you think 100% of women or man are incapable of, based on their gender?

It's not that long since some "scientists" thought that women's uteruses would fly out of their bodies if they travelled too fast by train, so until I see a high quality study to back up your beliefs, I'm unconvinced that it's as black and white as you're claiming.

 

[Albany Tom]

I've heard that my grandfather used to say that the three biggest liars were politicians, seed catalogs, and statistics. I think he was being unfair to the seed people.