Sac Arrow
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,381
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
Display name:
Snorting his way across the USA
I’m a low carb guy. That poses occasional problems. I swear to god this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
“I’d like a double cheeseburger. Would it be possible for you to wrap that in lettuce?”
“So you want no bun, right?”
“Correct.”
“Would you like fries with that?”
“Actually I’d like to get a salad if I could. Blue cheese would be great. And hold the croutons.”
“No problem. Would you like bread with that salad?”
“Um, no, that’s okay.”
“How about crackers?”
“Really, I think we’re good.”
“Hmm, what sides come with that grilled salmon?”
“Mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes.”
“So, do you think I could substitute the mashed potatoes with more mixed vegetables?”
“Sure, we can give you all mashed potatoes.”
“No, no, I don’t want any mashed potatoes, I just want all vegetables.”
“Who does that?”
“Nevermind, forget the substitution. Just give me a salad on the side.”
“What kind of dressing?”
“Italian I guess. Also, do you put croutons on the salad?”
“Yes.”
“Can you hold the croutons?”
“You want the croutons on the side?”
“No, no, I just don’t want any croutons, that’s all.”
“I’d like to get that Denver omelet. Can I get like some sliced tomatoes or something like that instead of hash browns?”
“We don’t have tomatoes available until lunch time.”
“What about other vegetables?”
“We don’t have any vegetables available until lunch time.”
“So what do you put in the omelets that contain onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes?”
“Onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.”
“So you do have vegetables available at breakfast time.”
“Sir, those are for the omelets.”
“Well, okay, can you have the cook pretend he’s making another omelet and just put those tomatoes on the plate?”
“I suppose, but I’d have to charge you for another omelet.”
“Nevermind.”
“Hola senor. Como esta ustedes?”
“Muy bueno, gracias... …would like a carnitas burrito special. Can you make that with a corn tortilla?”
“Yes.”
“And can I just get some shredded lettuce instead of rice and beans?”
“Yes. Would you like some fries with that?”
“No, thank you.”
“How about some bread?”
“No, thank you.”
“Then what do you want for your starch?”
“No starch, please.”
“But, everyone needs starch.”
“There is some in the corn tortilla.”
“Sigh… ….. caramba. Cinco dolares por favor.”
“The only thing we have here that is low carb is salad. All the rest is pretty much pasta and bread.”
“Okay, just give me a salad. And can I get like chicken or something on it?”
“Sure, we can add chicken.”
“Great.”
“Would you like a side of spaghetti with that?”
“Daddy, why is that man eating his double quarter pounder with a knife and fork?”
“It’s because he’s too uppity to eat the bun. Obviously he’s never had to live the life of a starving child in Ethiopia. Now finish up your shake and Oreo cookie. We need to pick up a couple gallons of ice cream and some of those diet pills for mommy.”
“I’d like a double cheeseburger. Would it be possible for you to wrap that in lettuce?”
“So you want no bun, right?”
“Correct.”
“Would you like fries with that?”
“Actually I’d like to get a salad if I could. Blue cheese would be great. And hold the croutons.”
“No problem. Would you like bread with that salad?”
“Um, no, that’s okay.”
“How about crackers?”
“Really, I think we’re good.”
“Hmm, what sides come with that grilled salmon?”
“Mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes.”
“So, do you think I could substitute the mashed potatoes with more mixed vegetables?”
“Sure, we can give you all mashed potatoes.”
“No, no, I don’t want any mashed potatoes, I just want all vegetables.”
“Who does that?”
“Nevermind, forget the substitution. Just give me a salad on the side.”
“What kind of dressing?”
“Italian I guess. Also, do you put croutons on the salad?”
“Yes.”
“Can you hold the croutons?”
“You want the croutons on the side?”
“No, no, I just don’t want any croutons, that’s all.”
“I’d like to get that Denver omelet. Can I get like some sliced tomatoes or something like that instead of hash browns?”
“We don’t have tomatoes available until lunch time.”
“What about other vegetables?”
“We don’t have any vegetables available until lunch time.”
“So what do you put in the omelets that contain onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes?”
“Onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.”
“So you do have vegetables available at breakfast time.”
“Sir, those are for the omelets.”
“Well, okay, can you have the cook pretend he’s making another omelet and just put those tomatoes on the plate?”
“I suppose, but I’d have to charge you for another omelet.”
“Nevermind.”
“Hola senor. Como esta ustedes?”
“Muy bueno, gracias... …would like a carnitas burrito special. Can you make that with a corn tortilla?”
“Yes.”
“And can I just get some shredded lettuce instead of rice and beans?”
“Yes. Would you like some fries with that?”
“No, thank you.”
“How about some bread?”
“No, thank you.”
“Then what do you want for your starch?”
“No starch, please.”
“But, everyone needs starch.”
“There is some in the corn tortilla.”
“Sigh… ….. caramba. Cinco dolares por favor.”
“The only thing we have here that is low carb is salad. All the rest is pretty much pasta and bread.”
“Okay, just give me a salad. And can I get like chicken or something on it?”
“Sure, we can add chicken.”
“Great.”
“Would you like a side of spaghetti with that?”
“Daddy, why is that man eating his double quarter pounder with a knife and fork?”
“It’s because he’s too uppity to eat the bun. Obviously he’s never had to live the life of a starving child in Ethiopia. Now finish up your shake and Oreo cookie. We need to pick up a couple gallons of ice cream and some of those diet pills for mommy.”