Wish I could have said...

saracelica

saracelica

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saracelica
So at church with the in-laws this morning. We get along pretty well but it's the standard in-law clash. As we are walking toward the "fellowship hall" there is a pile of Christian magazines. MIL picks up a copy and hands it to me and I said "No thanks I don't like to read it" She said "Shame on you".

I chose not to say anything as everything seemed inappropriate as hers but I'm a bigger person. So I said nothing. I'm posting to vent. :)

Anyone else have a conversation with family/friends/lovers and you wish you could zing them with something witty but resisted?
 
saracelica said:
So at church with the in-laws this morning. We get along pretty well but it's the standard in-law clash. As we are walking toward the "fellowship hall" there is a pile of Christian magazines. MIL picks up a copy and hands it to me and I said "No thanks I don't like to read it" She said "Shame on you".

I chose not to say anything as everything seemed inappropriate as hers but I'm a bigger person. So I said nothing. I'm posting to vent. :)

Anyone else have a conversation with family/friends/lovers and you wish you could zing them with something witty but resisted?
Click to expand...
Having been the recipient of witty responses more often than the provider I can tell you that unless the fleeting smugness you feel when delivering one is more important to you than the ill will and resentment they generate such responses are generally counterproductive to almost any relationship.

IOW I applaud you for keeping quiet regardless of whether this was due to a lack of a ready zinger or ordinary politeness.
 
I'm sure she took it as the slap you intended. For family harmony I may have opted to say thank you, then quietly disposed of it when alone.
 
disposing of it while alone would have been wasteful. Maybe taking it from someone who needed it. I think I'll resort to what one of my friends says "I don't read periodicals" I wonder why he doesnt....
 
LDJones said:
I'm sure she took it as the slap you intended. For family harmony I may have opted to say thank you, then quietly disposed of it when alone.
Click to expand...

This.

I think "No, thank you." should have sufficed.
Although, I also understand that a lot of folks will continue to pry or press. (Kind of like forcing food upon someone who has politely declined ... :rolleyes2: )
 
Want to really freak her out? Tell her Paul warned against "that sort of thing" in Galatians. 1:6-12 and just let it hang there. Or ask, "If I read it will I go to Heaven?"

Fair warning: I can be a total jerk when someone messes with me on topics of personal faith.

And while I understand we'll always have the problem of churches being more about worldly business than faith, I can get going pretty good if someone thinks any church organization's publications somehow are important vs. whatever book a religion bases itself off of.
 
saracelica said:
She said "Shame on you".
Click to expand...

Ahhhh yes...

"Shame"

The ultimate "christian" tool.

I grew up catholic, 12 years of catholic school. Haven't been back since...save weddings and funerals...

...thank god.
 
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saracelica said:
So at church with the in-laws this morning. We get along pretty well but it's the standard in-law clash. As we are walking toward the "fellowship hall" there is a pile of Christian magazines. MIL picks up a copy and hands it to me and I said "No thanks I don't like to read it" She said "Shame on you".

I chose not to say anything as everything seemed inappropriate as hers but I'm a bigger person. So I said nothing. I'm posting to vent. :)

Anyone else have a conversation with family/friends/lovers and you wish you could zing them with something witty but resisted?
Click to expand...


Why did you accept and open the Christmas presents she gave you and your wife? :confused:

You believe in Christmas presents but not in the reason for giving Christmas presents. :confused:

A simple "Thank you" is the appropriate response when someone gives you something. Clearly, you displayed an attitude and wanted to convey the usual " Holier than thou" attitude because you don't believe in God. IMHO it was rude of you to decline the gift in a house of worship. If you didn't want to listen to the message then you should not have entered the church.

JMHO.
 
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saracelica said:
disposing of it while alone would have been wasteful. Maybe taking it from someone who needed it. I think I'll resort to what one of my friends says "I don't read periodicals" I wonder why he doesnt....
Click to expand...

Lay it down on the table on the way out the door. :dunno:

Wasteful? :nono:

Your purpose in refusing the magazine was to tweek your MIL. You didn't give a rats butt about being wasteful. :no:
 
If the OPs story is true (not just one side of it), sounds to me like the MIL is the one that needs an attitude adjustment.
 
If it went down just like you said I don't see a problem with your response and her reply would have irked me, too. Your part after "no thanks" does seem like an odd addition to the reply, but I was not there.

Let her mull on her rush/desire to judge others. She'll get there on her own.

Preload for the future:
"Bless your heart"
or
"I never did mind about the little things..."

:)
 
Just was venting. Thought this was a safe place to do it. Guess I was wrong. I'll keep it to myself going forward.
 
gismo said:
Having been the recipient of witty responses more often than the provider I can tell you that unless the fleeting smugness you feel when delivering one is more important to you than the ill will and resentment they generate such responses are generally counterproductive to almost any relationship.

IOW I applaud you for keeping quiet regardless of whether this was due to a lack of a ready zinger or ordinary politeness.
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Exactly.

There is an old saying that goes: "There is no point arguing with a mule".
 
Geico266 said:
Why did you accept and open the Christmas presents she gave you and your wife? :confused:

You believe in Christmas presents but not in the reason for giving Christmas presents. :confused:

A simple "Thank you" is the appropriate response when someone gives you something. Clearly, you displayed an attitude and wanted to convey the usual " Holier than thou" attitude because you don't believe in God. IMHO it was rude of you to decline the gift in a house of worship. If you didn't want to listen to the message then you should not have entered the church.

JMHO.
Click to expand...


Just as quick to judge and spread the "shame" as the MIL eh?

I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the love.
 
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The best way of dealing with people who are like you are portraying your MIL is to be as nice as you can be. I would propose that she already knew what your response was going to be and was hoping for a confrontation. If you responded as she would have expected you would have come out on the losing end, and looked like a fool. If you respond in a real nice fashion, she will be totally fustrated. So my response would be, "Thank you very much" and leave it at that. I realize it easier said than done, but it works. My assistant had a similar problem with my office manager, and once she took this tack it drove my my office manager crazy.
 
saracelica said:
Just was venting. Thought this was a safe place to do it. Guess I was wrong. I'll keep it to myself going forward.
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Gotta remember, you get to buy her head stone.

think about it.
 
I went sailing with an ex-girlfriend and her father once. After we got back to the dock, my girlfriend and I were getting off the boat and her father tells her: "Be sure to tell Danny hello, and bring him by anytime." (Danny being her ex-boyfriend) I was both completely crushed and furious at how mean his words were.
 
Just stay calm, resist the urge to engage and repeat my mantra.

Time wounds all heels.
 
Geico266 said:
Why did you accept and open the Christmas presents she gave you and your wife? :confused:

You believe in Christmas presents but not in the reason for giving Christmas presents. :confused:

A simple "Thank you" is the appropriate response when someone gives you something. Clearly, you displayed an attitude and wanted to convey the usual " Holier than thou" attitude because you don't believe in God. IMHO it was rude of you to decline the gift in a house of worship. If you didn't want to listen to the message then you should not have entered the church.
Click to expand...

So... Where did the OP ever say she didn't believe in God? :dunno:

Maybe some people believe that Christmas is a time of giving and fellowship and family, without needing religious reasons to do those things?

Also, guessing that "Sara" *is* the wife.

And MIL is the one who is trying to display a "Holier than thou" attitude, clearly.

Check your reading comprehension.

Just playing, uh, devil's advocate. :rofl:
 
"No, thank you", is sufficient.

If someone ever says "shame on you" to me, I like to think I'd say "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings" or something similar.

Regardless, I understand your frustrations... I'm fortunate to have a small family, and to not be afraid to shun the folks who are truly unacceptable in the extended family.
 
OP, you did the right thing by not engaging. Sounds like there is a desire to control going on with the MIL. Only other thing might have been to ask, "Witch article did you find most enlightening, Mom.
 
douglas393 said:
The best way of dealing with people who are like you are portraying your MIL is to be as nice as you can be. I would propose that she already knew what your response was going to be and was hoping for a confrontation. If you responded as she would have expected you would have come out on the losing end, and looked like a fool. If you respond in a real nice fashion, she will be totally fustrated. So my response would be, "Thank you very much" and leave it at that. I realize it easier said than done, but it works. My assistant had a similar problem with my office manager, and once she took this tack it drove my my office manager crazy.
Click to expand...

Or, she may be truly concerned for the eternal destiny of her daughter in law. Whether you think she's crazy for believing what she does, it may very well have been out of sincere concern.

I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt.
 
LDJones said:
Or, she may be truly concerned for the eternal destiny of her daughter in law. Whether you think she's crazy for believing what she does, it may very well have been out of sincere concern.

I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt.
Click to expand...
In which case a nonconfrontational approach is still the best course.
 
I was raised in Brooklyn, where sarcasm and other smart-aleck comembacks are considered high art forms. A snappy comeback to a MIL -- especially in church -- wouldn't even qualify as bush league by Brooklyn standards, so I would pass.

It's kind of like being a professional boxer: They're not supposed to use their fists outside of the ring. Same idea.

-Rich
 
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