True story........................
You guys know me by now and you all know how " upfront" I can be.
On a flight back to Jackson from Orlando via SLC I get positioned in the center seat of a 37.... It was a late flight and I was sitting there with empty seats on both sides hoping against hope the cabin door would close .. SOON.... They announce that everyone turn off their phones and that is the usual cue that the door is being shut.......
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NO such luck....... about that time two HUGE women waddle onto the plane and proceed down the isle to my row... Or course I am hoping they are headed to the opposite side of the plane as they were stuffing their carry on bags over there.....
NO such luck.......... They look at me and motion with their boarding cards they are in 22 D and F.... HOLY CRAP..... So, being a nice guy I am, I get up to let the F gal in and she ends up taking several minutes to position her fat a$$ into the window seat, I then take my seat and the other one plops down pinning me between what I estimate is about 600+ lbs of blubber....
Now I am starting to loose my nice guy attitute and the FA can just read my face on how I feel..... I can see there are other seats empty and I knew as soon as we were airborne and the seat belt sign goes off I was outta there like cat with rabid dogs chasing it...
Seems like it took forever to taxi to the active and get airborne.. Longest 20 minutes of my life..... So, being me I finally have had it with both of their fat rolls encroaching into the seat I paid for so I strike up some small talk.... " so where are you ladies headed?" they both answer in unison they are going to SLC for a gastric bypass operation and they are traveling together for moral support...... Hmmmm.....
This plane had the screen that showed track and had channel 9 playing so I could hear ATC and knew we were just about to level off at fl 310 and the seat belt sign would go off and I let them both have it......
me: So you are both going into surgery for your weight ?
them: Yeah,, gastric bypass will fix our situation
me: the operation you both really need is elbow surgery
both of them : get really confused looks on their faces
me: so you can push away from the table and not eat so much food.
At that exact time the seat belt light went out and the cockpit announced over the intercom we could freely move about the plane... I literally leaped over D to get to the aisle and the FA knew exacty what I was doing.... She motioned me to move to the bulkhead seat where I had empty seats on both sides,,, and with a big grin she came back as they started the beverage service and gave me a reduced price on an beer... As she served me I told her that both of the beached whales needed to both buy 2 tickets each to deal with their fat a$$'s.... She nodded in agreement.
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As soon as the plane pulled up the the gate I made it a point to get the hell out of there because if,,, and thats s a BIG if, they caught up with me they would have sat on me and I would have been squished to death.
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Don't get me wrong.... people can let themselves go but.... I ain't paying for an airline seat occupied by the fat rolls of the adjoining passenger... not now.. not ever...
Ben ( highly dislike fat people) Haas.