Who is Next to You

While I try to have only vague memories of overweight fellow passengers spilling over into my side of the seat and there are many, there are also some positive memories. One of them I like to share is a flight from LHR to JFK in the early 1980s. Flying business class next to me in the window seat was Dame Margot Fontaine and in the aisle seat was a woman from the Emirates. Dame Margot Fontaine was in the process of checking the galleys of her memoires. When she was not certain about something, she would check with us about the spelling of a word or the construction of a sentence.
 
dell30rb said:
I got frisked, farted on <snip> questioned and my bag searched!
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Boy, they ARE getting personal with the searches, aren't they?!?!

;)

EDIT: By the way, most of those very large people you guys are talking about have probably been to ALL THREE Lambert's. Multiple times (see my sig tag line).
 
One of the most pleasant flights, as far as fellow pax go, was a trip from Sacramento to Seatac. I had the window seat, a seeing eye dog had the floor of the middle seat and a blind lady had the isle seat. She had worked in the airline industry for about 25 years, first as a flight attendant until her vision started fading and then as a gate agent until it was gone. She had lots of stories and her and her dog made the trip very enjoyable.
 
I have had to sit in the middle seat on occasion. I have heard literal sighs of relief from my aisle mates when I take my seat on a full plane.

I am 6'1" and 150. (Through no effort on my part, btw)

I never get an armrest, I guess they think I don't need them.

Rich
 
richas said:
I have had to sit in the middle seat on occasion. I have heard literal sighs of relief from my aisle mates when I take my seat on a full plane.

I am 6'1" and 150. (Through no effort on my part, btw)

I never get an armrest, I guess they think I don't need them.

Rich
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I've been on 7 hour flights with the equivalent of 3 of you in the middle seat, by the time we got to Alaska, the left side of my body was covered in sweat and it wasn't mine, most disgusting thing I've ever had to endure.... and I've fallen into a septic tank before.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
And people wonder why I think folks that large should pay for two seats.
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Southwest says if you can't keep on your side of the armrest, you must buy an extra seat. They'll refund that if the plane isn't full.

United says as long as the guy can get the armrest embedded into his flab he can ooze over into the adjoining passengers space.
 
flyingron said:
Southwest says if you can't keep on your side of the armrest, you must buy an extra seat. They'll refund that if the plane isn't full.

United says as long as the guy can get the armrest embedded into his flab he can ooze over into the adjoining passengers space.
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US Airways says deal with it, or at least that was the mentality 5 years ago.
 
Dr. O said:
"Oh, it's a really good book about an airliner that crashes and kills everyone aboard... You should read it."
Where upon he folds over, buries his face in his hands and starts to moan...
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Amazing response - well played.
 
flyingron said:
Southwest says if you can't keep on your side of the armrest, you must buy an extra seat. They'll refund that if the plane isn't full.

United says as long as the guy can get the armrest embedded into his flab he can ooze over into the adjoining passengers space.
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As you know the middle armrest has room for only one arm. How is decided who gets it. First come first get it, the older or the biggest?

José
 
With regard to obese passengers: The airline has that cage thing in the terminal that your carryon baggage is supposed to fit into. Why can't they have a similar measuring device for passengers, and f they don't fit they get to pay for a wide seat. A three-seat row would become two seats.

And it would be nice if they really enforced the carryon rules. By the time I find my seat the overhead bins are jammed with huge bags that belong to people several rows away.

Dan
 
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There has got to be more stories then just this...bumping the thread to the top to encourage more.
 
Piloto said:
I told her that my plane was been refurbished with high quality materials and that I was going to NY to check on a new yacht.
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Trying pretty hard to impress her huh? ;)
 
saracelica said:
There has got to be more stories then just this...bumping the thread to the top to encourage more.
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OK, here's one. Most of you guys are pikers - Georgia to Detroit? California to Colorada? Whoop-ti-do!

I got in the window seat in Syndey - yes, Australia - and a big, burly guy sat down next to me but was obviously being careful about not getting into my space so I figured it would be OK. He was big but not too big. Then the guy with the aisle seat appeared. He was huge! The guy next to me was forced to move over toward me and I was squeezed in so tight against the wall that I had to stretch my legs out straight. I stayed in that position for a mere 14 hours to LA. I literally did not move anything but my arms for the whole trip - I couldn't. And I didn't read anything because it would have been way too difficult. And neither of the guys next to me got up to even use the restroom.

When we arrive in LA we're a bit late and I have to move quickly to catch my flight to Detroit. I'm thinking that maybe the 4 hour LA to Detroit trip won't be full and I'll have room to stretch out and move around. Wrong. Every seat was full. Better yet, guess who was sitting next to me. Yup, the really big guy from the aisle seat. And by this time the body odor was getting really bad.

I've had kids throw up on my briefcase, kick my seat, and all kinds of other stuff but this was by far the worst 18 hours of flying I ever had.
 
Airline flying isn't the comfortable thing it was 40 years ago, but it's sure a lot cheaper. I don't like screaming kids or stuffy cabins or the cramped seating, but flying between, say, Calgary, Alberta and Winnipeg, Manitoba, a 2-1/2 hour flight, and look down and see the endless prairie and remember that 120 years ago families started out from Winnipeg with nothing more than a couple of oxen and a wagon and travelled from May to October or later to get to Alberta to find land to homestead. Crossing rivers with steep, slippery banks, dealing with unfriendly natives, disease and injury, big storms, mud, bugs and all the rest. And I sit in my airline seat drinking coffee and complain about discomfort. Hmph.

Americans could consider St. Louis to Salt Lake as an equivalent trip. Imagine the hazards and discomfort those folks went through. Read stories about the Donner party to see what some suffered. Amazing.

Dan
 
Here's another but it wasn't personal experience. I was traveling with another guy from our company once and sharing horror stories similar to those in this thread. A flight attendant overheard us and shared this story. She claimed it was true but I'll let you be the judge.

She was on a flight where a young boy was bothering the people in the seat in front of him - kicking the seat, pulling the seat, and just generally being loud and obnoxious. So she gave him something to eat and drink in an attempt to keep him occupied. That worked but only for a while so someone got him more to eat and drink. And more. And more. And eventually he did what only young kids who've had too much soda can do so well - projectile vomit on the poor guy in the seat in front of him. So the guy jumps up, hits his head on the overhead bin, the bin door opens and a briefcase falls out and hits the guy across the aisle in the head and knocks him out! Luckily he was only out for a few seconds and no really serious damage was done.

True? I don't know but it's a great story.
 
I was on a 2-3 hr flight, and got to sit right behind Freddie Patek. Mosf of you won't have any idea who he is, but if you followed American League baseball back in the 70's you'll remember the name. He played shortstop for the Royals for most of his career and was an All Star for about 3 of those years. This flight was in the mid-90's, so it was maybe 10-15 years after he retired - about the time his daughter was hurt in a car accident.

Since we were in different rows, I didn't get a chance to talk to him. Fortunately, the guy sitting next to him was also a baseball fan and the two of them talked baseball the whole flight, with me leaning forward to listen between the seats.
 
Whenever I think of bad flights, I always think of this guy's story:
 

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Another time I was on a small regional turboprop. I had requested a window seat for the 2hr flight so I could at least see the countryside in Scotland on the one day of the year the conditions were VMC. I got to my seat, and it was the one window seat without a window - that's where the structural members for the wing were located. Then I realize that this is a very small diameter fuselage, and I now have a big (not fat, just big) guy in the aisle seat next to me. We had to sort of stagger our shoulders so we could fit. Plus, the curve of the fuselage meant I had to tip my head onto my left shoulder for the whole flight. Then, they served us some lunch. The two of us had to take turns eating because we both couldn't use our arms at the same time. That was a long couple of hours.
 
Matthew said:
I got to my seat, and it was the one window seat without a window - that's where the structural members for the wing were located.
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The Delta DC9s have this last row of seats that has
- no windows
- seats that dont recline combined with 1in less legroom
- engine intake about 1 ft from your ear

It is the seat row that gets 'gate assigned' to whoever makes the biggest fool of himself trying to move up on the standby list :rofl: .
 
Matthew said:
Whenever I think of bad flights, I always think of this guy's story:
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That made my day. Thanks!
I wonder if he got a response from Continental.
 
dell30rb said:
I got frisked, farted on and the tsa was especially unfriendly after my arrival at rdu.
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This just in...

Photos of the newest TSA employees working at KRDU were just made available

terrance_and_phillip_1_by_insane_pencil-d32ytff-150x150.jpg
 
dbman5 said:
OK, here's one. Most of you guys are pikers - Georgia to Detroit? California to Colorada? Whoop-ti-do!
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First, Atlanta to Detroit was the first leg of a two leg trip. The eventual destination was Shanghai. Piker, my arse. ;-)

On another flight, we used Delta Skymiles to go from Atlanta to Auckland, NZ. Did you know Delta doesn't go there? So you have to fly with a partner airline - Korean Air. Our route was Atlanta-NY-Anchorage-Seoul-Auckland. Korean air is great, and business/first class is wonderful, but I think we were onboard 747's for something like 30 hours over a day and a half.

But back to my Shanghai trip. On the return flight, I had the pleasure of sitting next to Sneezy, the Chinese girl who is/was an undergraduate at Bowling Green University. Sneezy had a head cold. She sneezed at least once every 30 seconds. For 17 straight hours. And never covered her mouth.
 
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What's worse than a screaming kid next to you? An unhappy yowling cat in a carrier under a seat. On a 10 hour flight. In business class.

via Tapatalk
 
kyleb said:
First, Atlanta to Detroit was the first leg of a two leg trip. The eventual destination was Shanghai. Piker, my arse. ;-)

<snip>

But back to my Shanghai trip. On the return flight, I had the pleasure of sitting next to Sneezy, the Chinese girl who is/was an undergraduate at Bowling Green University. Sneezy had a head cold. She sneezed at least once every 30 seconds. For 17 straight hours. And never covered her mouth.
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I guess I missed the Shanghai part. And I should probably 'conceded' - I think I'd prefer my 18 hours with "squeezy" over your 17 hours with Sneezy. :cheerswine:

Commercial flying - always another adventure.:D
 
I remember returning from a business trip one night (back when there were a bunch of evening flights so folks could do a morning-out/evening return & sleep at home) via a connection in Cincinnati. The MD-88 we were on would not meet the DCA curfew limits on arrival. This was far enough back that there were still Airphones on board.

I was upgraded to the F cabin & ended up with a woman next to me who, as she told it, started drinking when her originating flight left Houston. She'd order more drinks for herself, and made sure to order refills for me at the same time (when she went to the lav, I told the FA to just bring me water w/no refills on wine or booze).

Naturally, we were delayed leaving CVG, and the pilot noted that if we didn't make it in before curfew we were going to BWI & be bussed back to DCA. Upon hearing this the woman next to me looked over and said "I'm meeting my husband for the weekend in DC. I haven't seen him in weeks, and I haven't had sex in weeks. If we go to BWI, I'm going to end up grabbing the first guy I see and satisfy my needs in the bus going to DC....."

We were about 50 miles out when the pilot announced that the restriction on DCA was obtaining landing clearance before curfew, that he had requested and obtained landing clearance, and therefore we were going to arrive at DCA after all. Good thing - I was thinking "how much is cab fare from BWI to home..."
 
Dr. O said:
My mother was found on the floor and taken to the hospital (Florida)
I get on a plane (Michigan) to be with her...
As we get even with Ocala there is a chain of thunderstorms over Tampa so we get to hold - with one minute legs... We are in clear air and as the pilot is flying the hold I can see the highway intersection below us at the start of the outbound leg and I note with appreciation that the pilot has it nailed, rolling out of the turn right over the intersection every time...
I am reading a novel by a well known writer that has a hero, Jake Grafton, who smashes into the wing of a jetliner to 'shoot' it down...
The guy in the seat next to me is having a brain meltdown... Every time the pilot rolls into the turn - which is really, really, often on a one minute leg - he grabs my arm and says, "What's he doing?" He is sweating like a stuck hog...
For the umpteenth time I say, "He is circling to hold our position until they open the airport again.", and I go back to reading...
The Stu comes by and again tries to get him to relax, tells him that in summer weather this happens to them a couple of times a week and is nothing to worry about... Finally, someone back behind us growls, "shut up you wimp!"
So, he gets embarrassed and instead of being quiet he tries to make social conversation with me...
"So what are you reading there?"



OK, god is gonna get me for this, but I have had it with this guy and I want him to just leave me alone... My mother is dieing, the pilot is waiting out a line of thunder bumpers, and I am saddled with a sweaty chatty-kathy...
So I hold up the book so he can see the cover art, which is an airliner with the wing ripped off falling in flames... And I say in my best, bright, chipper tones, "Oh, it's a really good book about an airliner that crashes and kills everyone aboard... You should read it."
Where upon he folds over, buries his face in his hands and starts to moan...
Well, at least he isn't grabbing my arm and demanding to know, 'what's he doing now?'...
The Stu comes hurrying back up the aisle, takes one look at him and instantly glares at me... I give her the big stage actor shrug indication I haven't a clue what his problem is, and go back to reading my book...

denny-o
the devil made me do it
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Hilarious !!! :D

My wife is asking "why are you laughing in front of your PC like an imbecile"....
 
I have yet to experience any pukers or 350-lb people pouring into my seat, knock on wood!
But I did have an interesting flight last May from SEA to CLE. My fiancé was in Seattle at the time for new-hire F.O. sim training and I decided to go visit him for a few days and test out the flight benefits (got stuck on my way there on a layover in Houston for 11 hours :mad2: it took 5 or 6 IAH-SEA flights before the standby list worked in my favor but that's just the way the cookie crumbles). I took a red-eye back to CLE and was seated in the middle seat with a disheveled-looking man in the aisle seat. The man ordered wine off the drink cart, then fell asleep not long afterwards. I eventually had to wake him up to let him know I had to get up to use the lav, but when he stood up to let me out of my seat, he fainted and collapsed into the aisle. Out cold! I let the flight attendants know and they were able to get him back into his seat while I was in the restroom, but he wasn't able to stand back up to let me back in to my middle seat. I ended up having to stand in the aisle for about an hour, it was a full flight with no empty seats I could have taken.
Other than that, I haven't had to deal with much else... just the occasional misbehaved child.

What's worse than a screaming kid next to you? An unhappy yowling cat in a carrier under a seat. On a 10 hour flight. In business class.
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Almost had to deal with that on a 3 hour flight but the gate agents found an excuse to not let the thing on the plane.
 
Forgot about this one, too...


You cannot see the screaming infant whose diaper is being changed in the parents' lap.

While we waited to takeoff, the father and the little rotter in the window seat must have said, "Read... Set... GO-O-O-O!" about a hundred times.
 
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ron22 said:
This seems to fit here.

http://www.elliott.org/blog/forced-to-stand-for-a-seven-hour-flight/
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I had a similar experience except the old lady next to me has urinated on the cushion to the point of saturation. I ask the flight attendant for another seat but the plane was full. She allowed me to seat on her seat for a while. I found that in-flight relief is not uncomon since I got another lady doing the same thing to me again. Is it just my luck or my looks?

José
 
Piloto said:
I had a similar experience except the old lady next to me has urinated on the cushion to the point of saturation. I ask the flight attendant for another seat but the plane was full. She allowed me to seat on her seat for a while. I found that in-flight relief is not uncomon since I got another lady doing the same thing to me again. Is it just my luck or my looks?

José
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Passengers pee on the seats?? Oh, now I'm horrified. :hairraise:
It didn't occur to me that I should bring my own towel to sit on, just in case someone else peed on the seat before me.
 
True story........................

You guys know me by now and you all know how " upfront" I can be.:yesnod::yesnod:

On a flight back to Jackson from Orlando via SLC I get positioned in the center seat of a 37.... It was a late flight and I was sitting there with empty seats on both sides hoping against hope the cabin door would close .. SOON.... They announce that everyone turn off their phones and that is the usual cue that the door is being shut.......:idea::idea:...

NO such luck....... about that time two HUGE women waddle onto the plane and proceed down the isle to my row... Or course I am hoping they are headed to the opposite side of the plane as they were stuffing their carry on bags over there.....

NO such luck.......... They look at me and motion with their boarding cards they are in 22 D and F.... HOLY CRAP..... So, being a nice guy I am, I get up to let the F gal in and she ends up taking several minutes to position her fat a$$ into the window seat, I then take my seat and the other one plops down pinning me between what I estimate is about 600+ lbs of blubber....

Now I am starting to loose my nice guy attitute and the FA can just read my face on how I feel..... I can see there are other seats empty and I knew as soon as we were airborne and the seat belt sign goes off I was outta there like cat with rabid dogs chasing it...:yesnod::yesnod:

Seems like it took forever to taxi to the active and get airborne.. Longest 20 minutes of my life..... So, being me I finally have had it with both of their fat rolls encroaching into the seat I paid for so I strike up some small talk.... " so where are you ladies headed?" they both answer in unison they are going to SLC for a gastric bypass operation and they are traveling together for moral support...... Hmmmm.....

This plane had the screen that showed track and had channel 9 playing so I could hear ATC and knew we were just about to level off at fl 310 and the seat belt sign would go off and I let them both have it......

me: So you are both going into surgery for your weight ?

them: Yeah,, gastric bypass will fix our situation

me: the operation you both really need is elbow surgery

both of them : get really confused looks on their faces

me: so you can push away from the table and not eat so much food.


At that exact time the seat belt light went out and the cockpit announced over the intercom we could freely move about the plane... I literally leaped over D to get to the aisle and the FA knew exacty what I was doing.... She motioned me to move to the bulkhead seat where I had empty seats on both sides,,, and with a big grin she came back as they started the beverage service and gave me a reduced price on an beer... As she served me I told her that both of the beached whales needed to both buy 2 tickets each to deal with their fat a$$'s.... She nodded in agreement.:yesnod::D:rolleyes:....

As soon as the plane pulled up the the gate I made it a point to get the hell out of there because if,,, and thats s a BIG if, they caught up with me they would have sat on me and I would have been squished to death.
:yesnod::yikes:.......

Don't get me wrong.... people can let themselves go but.... I ain't paying for an airline seat occupied by the fat rolls of the adjoining passenger... not now.. not ever...

Ben ( highly dislike fat people) Haas.:rofl::rofl::mad:
 
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You know, when I fly on airliners I never seem to have a problem with leg room or seat room. Usually the guy/gal sitting next to me is demanding, but with a little coaxing they get over it. The best part is that we get to take naps with no one to snore in our ears. It just sucks that people are talking all the time, and that makes it hard to get to sleep. Every now and then, when I finally do get to sleep some joker sitting to my left will hit me and tell me to say something, then they hit me again and say that I'm supposed to push something first. I mean c'mon this airline travel stuff isn't nearly what it used to be :D:rofl::rofl:

The best part is that the flight attendants usually call me by name or they call me Thunder Bob --- That's my new nickname BTW.... someone just joking called me that with no meaning behind it. Then someone point out that it would be an awesome nickname once I made Captain.... Then I'd be Captain Thunder :D

I do travel in the cabin a lot as a commuter. Attitude goes a long way, both for passengers and the cabin crews. Either one is off, and it's gonna be a long flight. We have some FA's who look like models, but at most you'll get to spend 2 hours with them. The part I like are the overnights :lol:

Have a great one!
Bob
 
After having spent 5.5. hour on Untied in a window seat, full aircraft, with a HUGE woman next to me who pulled the armrest UP, I resolved and did subsequently buy a turbocharged Mooney and have nearly completely managed to abstain from the part 121 tube (and have completely denied Untied Airlines of any business since 1982.
 
bbchien said:
After having spent 5.5. hour on Untied in a window seat, full aircraft, with a HUGE woman next to me who pulled the armrest UP, I resolved and did subsequently buy a turbocharged Mooney and have nearly completely managed to abstain from the part 121 tube (and have completely denied Untied Airlines of any business since 1982.
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And the congregation said, Amen!
 
I was commuting home once and noticed the next to me fidgeting with an iPod. Reading the instructions, mumbling weird statements about the device, etc..

Struck up a conversation with him and turned out he is one of the QVC "Tech Time" TV salesman.

He was due to go live on QVC in a few hours and had to talk about how wonderful the iPod was.

Sure enough, I turned on the tube when I got home to show the wife and there he was, futzing with that same iPod.
 
I flew at least twice a month, and sometimes weekly, from about '93 to '04. You guys are making me not miss it at all.

Not that I did anyway. :)
 
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