Wacky similies

Ken Ibold

Ken Ibold

Final Approach
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Ken Ibold
Swapping tales the other day with some folks, and some wacky comparisons came up. Add your own!

1) Cuter than a speckled puppy on Christmas morning
2) Nuttier than a muffin
3) Purtier than a hog dipped in snuff (yes, a guy actually said this to a friend of mine once.)
 
Ken Ibold said:
Swapping tales the other day with some folks, and some wacky comparisons came up. Add your own!

1) Cuter than a speckled puppy on Christmas morning
2) Nuttier than a muffin
3) Purtier than a hog dipped in snuff (yes, a guy actually said this to a friend of mine once.)
Click to expand...

Full of crap as a christmas turkey
 
Meaner than a striped spider (pronounced, "stri-pid").
 
Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
 
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Slipperier than snot on a doorknob.

Dan
 
Confused like a new born at a topless bar.

Better than plumb.

Rougher than a goat's butt in a briar patch.

(said of someone who can't stand still) More wiggly than an acre of snakes.
 
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Darker than the inside of a cow.
 
Ken Ibold said:
Swapping tales the other day with some folks, and some wacky comparisons came up. Add your own!
2) Nuttier than a muffin
friend of mine once.)
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I've heard it as "nuttier than a fruit cake" but they both get the idea across.

People will also make comparisons based on work lingo.
 
Faster than a tall dog in tennis shoes.

I'm like a young bride on her wedding night. I know I'm going to get it, but I don't know how hard or how long!

Both from TC Garret, Lt., USN. Rest in peace, Tom!
 
referring to a ranch owner who was well-known for his frugality.
Imagine first, the purveyor of the description: a slightly grizzled cowboy with a seriously unkempt handlebar moustache, lips not visible and spoken slightly under his breath with a deep, and somewhat disgusted voice:

"Tighter than a bull's ass at fly-time."
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
referring to a ranch owner who was well-known for his frugality.
...

"Tighter than a bull's ass at fly-time."
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Dick Butkus (Mike Ditka?) on George Halas: "He throws around dimes like they were sewer covers."
 
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"Happy as a frog sittin'(sh-tin')on a lillypad."
"Fits like socks on a rooster."
"If it blows your skirt up,it blows mine clean off."
"Tonic for your ass."
 
happy as a kitten, face-down in a puddle of cream
 
Happy as a tick on a fat coon dog

Lost as a ball in tall weeds
 
Intellectually challanged:
A couple bricks shy of a full load.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

From an actual PIREP:
"Everything below FL200 rougher than a stucco bathtub."
 
A long tailed Bob Cat? That has got to be a weird looking cat.
 
Colder ina Witch's left mammary (edited for family viewing) in a brass bra in February.
 
Ya, the reason it is called a bob cat is for the bob tail the cat has. Most cats have long tails. I have heard that saying many times just "long tailed cat" not bob cat. But, who's counting.
 
"Where am I going... and why the heck am I in this handbasket?"
 
Many of my favorites from this type of discussion are from Blackadder:

Blackadder: "You really are as thick as clotted cream, that's been left out by some clot, and now the clots are so clotted, you couldn't unclot them with an electric de-clotter, aren't you, Baldrick?"


Blackadder: Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan.
Baldrick: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?
Blackadder: Yes it is.
Baldrick: Hmm... that's cunning.
 
He's so mean, He would steal the ****ball from a blind tumblebug, give him a marble and put him on the wrong road home.

He's all over that like fat on a Dixie Chick's thigh!

(I think we used this one during the recent heat wave in Texas) It was so hot once that I was plowing the corn and it started to popping; the mule saw it, thought it was snow and laid down and froze to death
 
WileyP said:
Intellectually challanged:
A couple bricks shy of a full load.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

From an actual PIREP:
"Everything below FL200 rougher than a stucco bathtub."
Click to expand...

Not the brightest light on the tree.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
His clutch is slipping.


Dan
 
Most of these were from my granddad:

dumber than a box of rocks

talking like a man with a paper ****ole

strong like an ox and half as smart (his ideal candidate for a lineman apprentice)

a two-cow rain (explained as "raining harder than two cows peeing on a flat rock")

weather's 'clear and still' ... (snow clear up to your butt and still coming down - yeah, he was a Minnesotan)

smells worse than sour owl-****

sweating like a whore in church

all hat - no cattle
 
Worthless as a screen door on a submarine.
Busier than a pilge pump on the Titanic.
My dad was an electrician He always said all you needed to know to be a plumber were three things: 1. turn right to tighten, 2. **** runs down hill, 3. Don't lick your fingers.
If he had a few more wits, he would be a half-wit!
Your as welcome as a burglar.
She is so bucked toothed, she could eat corn on the cob through a knot hole!
My old college coach used this: Grinnin like a jackass eating thistles.
 
Better prose than a Bulwar-Lytton award winner.

(for those not familiar, I point you to this: Link to winners list

I particularly like the 2010 winner:

.....Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
....
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Up to your a** in alligators
Deeper than whale sh*t
Not firing on all cylinders
Busier than a one armed paper hanger
 
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