Understanding Engineers

gkainz

gkainz

Final Approach
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Greg Kainz
These have been around before, but I still got a chuckle from them.

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Understanding Engineers - Take one
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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Guilty. :D

Then, there's "The Knack". Anyone you know resemble this? My parents died laughing when they saw it.

I'd upload it, but the site won't allow it.
 
Ghery said:
Guilty. :D

Then, there's "The Knack". Anyone you know resemble this? My parents died laughing when they saw it.

I'd upload it, but the site won't allow it.
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Need an engineer to figure out how to do it! Scott got it? :)
 
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I have a student who is an engineering student at Texas A&M. Tonight, we were discussing left-turning tendencies about the vertical axis. It took FOREVER to get him to use simple labels for each of the axis. :)

I'm gonna print this just for him!
 
KennyFlys said:
I have a student who is an engineering student at Texas A&M. Tonight, we were discussing left-turning tendencies about the vertical axis. It took FOREVER to get him to use simple labels for each of the axis. :)

I'm gonna print this just for him!
Click to expand...

*insert Spin Zone joke here*

I kid I kid. Hope you're having a blast with your new job :yes:
 
KennyFlys said:
I have a student who is an engineering student at Texas A&M. Tonight, we were discussing left-turning tendencies about the vertical axis. It took FOREVER to get him to use simple labels for each of the axis. :)

I'm gonna print this just for him!
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I can talk 'regular' on a few topics but one I really have a hard time with is data communications. I really struggle when I speak to a laymen on the subject as I am so comfortable with the jargon and concepts that I cannot relate them simply. I can see where your student would also have a problem trying to understand a simple concept when they have spent so much time understanding the really detailed technical stuff about how things move in 3-dimensional space. You might actually want to try not simplifying it for him. Go ahead an label the axis for what they are and use math jargon.
 
smigaldi said:
I can talk 'regular' on a few topics but one I really have a hard time with is data communications. I really struggle when I speak to a laymen on the subject as I am so comfortable with the jargon and concepts that I cannot relate them simply.
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Just tell them they lost their token ring; it must be on the floor under their desk somewhere.

Then explain the 7 layers of the network stack and tell 'em it's just like a chocolate layer cake.

Then bill them for 2 hours of consulting time.
 
gkainz said:
Just tell them they lost their token ring; it must be on the floor under their desk somewhere.

Then explain the 7 layers of the network stack and tell 'em it's just like a chocolate layer cake.

Then bill them for 2 hours of consulting time.
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That would be fine if I actually did wired work. But I am more into wireless and the access network architecture that delivers that information out to the Internet cloud. See WiMax for my latest work. If you really are having trouble sleeping I can also send you my latest paper to be published on 4th Generation Wireless. It just came out in the April IEEE Wireless Communications Magazine.
 
An engineer, an artist, and a businessman are talking about the merits of having a mistress in addition to a wife.

The artist said "I must have my mistress! She is my muse for my art! But my wife must think she is my muse!"

The businessman said "If my wife finds out about my mistress, the divorce will be very expensive, so she can't know."

The engineer said "No no no, I need a wife, and a mistress. And they need to know about eachother. That way the wife thinks I'm with the mistress, the mistress thinks I'm with the wife, and meanwhile I can go back to the office and get a few more hours of work in."
 
It's no use trying to understand an engineer... if you aint one, you aint gonna get it.
 
An extroverted engineer is one who looks at YOUR feet when talking to you.
 
Ask my wife about how much fun it can be (sometimes) to be married to an engineer. I remember one argument:

Her: It really infuriates me when you treat me like I'm stupid.
Me: It really infuriates me when you ARE stupid.
Her: <silence> (the kind of silence that when translated from the original Italian, comes out something like "should I use poison, a knife, or a shotgun?")

After 13 years of marriage, I've gotten a LOT better about not saying what's in my mind (hence my continued existence). It's helped a lot in other ways too since I consult with the Government.
 
smigaldi said:
That would be fine if I actually did wired work. But I am more into wireless and the access network architecture that delivers that information out to the Internet cloud. See WiMax for my latest work. If you really are having trouble sleeping I can also send you my latest paper to be published on 4th Generation Wireless. It just came out in the April IEEE Wireless Communications Magazine.
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I have to read your SZ posts and you want to force your white papers on us, too? :eek:






:goofy:
 
wbarnhill said:
*insert Spin Zone joke here*

I kid I kid. Hope you're having a blast with your new job :yes:
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Dude, I'm having such a great time! Since Friday (Beginning of period), I've already flown 24 hours. I had a change and cancellation today but two more added for tomorrow resulting in at least another eight hours in the next two days.

If I ever get a break during the week, I'll be getting a shot in the Val with the boss. Tail dragger time with a 600 HP radial... Yeah, Baby! :D
 
TMetzinger said:
Ask my wife about how much fun it can be (sometimes) to be married to an engineer. I remember one argument:

Her: It really infuriates me when you treat me like I'm stupid.
Me: It really infuriates me when you ARE stupid.
Her: <silence> (the kind of silence that when translated from the original Italian, comes out something like "should I use poison, a knife, or a shotgun?")

After 13 years of marriage, I've gotten a LOT better about not saying what's in my mind (hence my continued existence). It's helped a lot in other ways too since I consult with the Government.
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So, which one is assisting in complying with the other's level? :D
 
Hmm... let's just say that having to live with people (wife and daughter) on a day-in/day-out basis has improved my tact and diplomacy, and help me separate stuff that really matters from stuff that really doesn't. And THAT "wisdom" is invaluable when dealing with Government customers, many of whom are completely divorced from reality.
 
gkainz said:
Just tell them they lost their token ring; it must be on the floor under their desk somewhere.

Then explain the 7 layers of the network stack and tell 'em it's just like a chocolate layer cake.

Then bill them for 2 hours of consulting time.
Click to expand...

You forgot you have to say stuff like "edge," look into the application layer and now, "deep packet inspection" / traffic shaping and QOS. That will be $2500, pls.
 
That network stuff is for others. I just say "The database is mine! Get the heck out of my database!" My traffic is tunneled into the IP layer and it just works - I don't care how. :)
 
gkainz said:
That network stuff is for others. I just say "The database is mine! Get the heck out of my database!" My traffic is tunneled into the IP layer and it just works - I don't care how. :)
Click to expand...

To me the database is where I tell the clients that their SQL clients won't know whether the Oracle server is on Linux or AIX. Oh? It's nice to hear you don't know Linux. You're about have a wonderful new learning opportunity. And BTW, thanx for your opinion, but you should know that I have more than your 25 years of Unix experience. You don't really want to enter the ring with me. ;)

Oh, and project lead, the DBA is probably not going find anything useful to do on the DB server until you get the SAN guy to give them a little disk space. My personal limit is to only tell you that up to 6 times. Kthxbye. :rolleyes:
 
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