The Rules! (Guy's Version)

[Greebo]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This is obviously a "lifted from the internet" type post. Original Author Unknown:[/font]

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! [/font]
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Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days..

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!! [/font]

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[Ken Ibold]

This is another version, some repeats ...


This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

 

[Ghery]

This is another version, some repeats ...


This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...

19. Share the closet.

Amen! We have a large walk-in closet. I've got about 15% of it. And I guarantee that my wife does not wear 80% of what she has in her 85% of that closet.

 

[astanley]

Amen! We have a large walk-in closet. I've got about 15% of it. And I guarantee that my wife does not wear 80% of what she has in her 85% of that closet.

I'm almost afraid to admit this...

I have more shoes than my fiancee.
I have more clothes than my fiancee.
I obsess about which hangars my shirts are on (wooden only please; suit jackets and blazers on wide-shouldered hangars only)
I shine my shoes, hmm, twice a month if heavily worn. Once if not.
I can spend 10 minutes deciding which tie to wear to work.

7 years ago, I wondered outloud befoer work "I wonder if the rips in these shorts show my underwear while walking?"

Sheesh.

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[Toby]

Both lists are hysterical. I made copies and gave them to the women at the office!

 

[Carol]

I'm almost afraid to admit this...

I have more shoes than my fiancee.
I have more clothes than my fiancee.
I obsess about which hangars my shirts are on (wooden only please; suit jackets and blazers on wide-shouldered hangars only)
I shine my shoes, hmm, twice a month if heavily worn. Once if not.
I can spend 10 minutes deciding which tie to wear to work.

7 years ago, I wondered outloud befoer work "I wonder if the rips in these shorts show my underwear while walking?"

Sheesh.

Cheers,

-Andrew

Andrew, you are so funny! You and J are both dears

 

[Anthony]

I'm almost afraid to admit this...

I have more shoes than my fiancee.
I have more clothes than my fiancee.
I obsess about which hangars my shirts are on (wooden only please; suit jackets and blazers on wide-shouldered hangars only)
I shine my shoes, hmm, twice a month if heavily worn. Once if not.
I can spend 10 minutes deciding which tie to wear to work.

7 years ago, I wondered outloud befoer work "I wonder if the rips in these shorts show my underwear while walking?"

Sheesh.

Cheers,

-Andrew

Good to be honest Andrew, but you are either a "GirlyMan" or a "Metrosexual".

I prescribe four shots of Jack Daniels, attendance at a Monster Truck event and a day at the shooting range. (not in that order).

P.S. I dislike Jack Daniels and have never been to a Monster Truck event, but drastic times deserve drastic measures!

 

[gkainz]

I have more shoes than my fiancee.

I have more than enough footwear - black cowboy boots for every day wear, brush off the ah, "corral material" from said black cowboy boots for dress occasions, put overshoes on same black boots for severe winter weather.

I have more clothes than my fiancee.

One pair of jeans for every day, one newer pair of jeans for sunday go-to-meetin' (church).

I obsess about which hangars my shirts are on (wooden only please; suit jackets and blazers on wide-shouldered hangars only)

Yep, I agree on them wooden hangars...3 wooden pegs in the closet just about takes care of everything!

I shine my shoes, hmm, twice a month if heavily worn. Once if not.

Haven't shined my shoes since getting out of the Navy and don't intend to. If my wife wants me in shiny shoes, she and the undertaker can work that one out.

I can spend 10 minutes deciding which tie to wear to work.

I can spend 10 minutes digging in my closet and never find a tie! Put 'em all in a box after I bailed from corporate america. There is one tie still around somewhere, to be used in case of emergency. See shining shoes comment above.

7 years ago, I wondered outloud befoer work "I wonder if the rips in these shorts show my underwear while walking?"

Yesterday my son would wonder the same thing and decide, "Nope, better make the rip a little bigger!"

The above is, of course, strictly tongue-in-cheek humor. Well, maybe everything except the shoe shines and tie stuff!

 

[astanley]

Good to be honest Andrew, but you are either a "GirlyMan" or a "Metrosexual".

I prescribe four shots of Jack Daniels, attendance at a Monster Truck event and a day at the shooting range. (not in that order).

P.S. I dislike Jack Daniels and have never been to a Monster Truck event, but drastic times deserve drastic measures!

Jack isn't my favorite. I drink a fair amount (about a bottle every 2 months?) of Basil Hayden's bourbon. Hair on your chest and fire in your belly ;-)

I was just talking with a new transplant from our Dallas office today - he was very bummed when I told him you can't get new Glock's in MA. He has a really, really nice H+K I want to play with...

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[astanley]

Andrew, you are so funny! You and J are both dears

I believe she would say "pain in the rear", but I'll take the compliments where I can get them! Corporate America does some weird things, let me tell you...

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[poadeleted3]

Jack isn't my favorite. I drink a fair amount (about a bottle every 2 months?) of Basil Hayden's bourbon. Hair on your chest and fire in your belly ;-)

I was just talking with a new transplant from our Dallas office today - he was very bummed when I told him you can't get new Glock's in MA. He has a really, really nice H+K I want to play with...

Cheers,

-Andrew

We like Southern Comfort for our Saturday night drink or two. We've recently tried Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, which we thought OK, and Captain Morgain Pineapple something or other rum, which was quite good mixed with juice.

Still, nothing beats Southern Comfort and (caffiene free) Mt. Dew.

 

[Ghery]

We like Southern Comfort for our Saturday night drink or two. We've recently tried Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, which we thought OK, and Captain Morgain Pineapple something or other rum, which was quite good mixed with juice.

Still, nothing beats Southern Comfort and (caffiene free) Mt. Dew.

Oh, I don't know. Rebel Yell isn't too bad, either. Straight or on the rocks.

 

[astanley]

We like Southern Comfort for our Saturday night drink or two. We've recently tried Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, which we thought OK, and Captain Morgain Pineapple something or other rum, which was quite good mixed with juice.

Still, nothing beats Southern Comfort and (caffiene free) Mt. Dew.

I never really got into SoCo, but my brother drinks it (with Coke). I'd try it with Moutain Dew, Dew was like crack for me in HS.

My friend brings me a bottle or two of rum from St. Maarten every year, it's about $5 or $10 US and it's amazing. However, rum and I have a long history so we generally don't hang out too often

I'm a big fan of bourbon because it is pretty cheap for amazing quality. A top shelf single malt Scotch can go for $60+ a bottle - whereas a bottle of Basil Hayden's is $25 to $35 and lasts me a couple months. And the quality is amazing, just good sippin' bourbon (neat in the winter, rocks in the summer)

I sometimes take leftover homemade iced tea, mix in a dash of lime juice and lemon juice, and mix 50/50 with Knob Creek or Jim Beam or whatever is on sale. Amazingly refreshing with a good sour tang to it!

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[Anthony]

Jack isn't my favorite. I drink a fair amount (about a bottle every 2 months?) of Basil Hayden's bourbon. Hair on your chest and fire in your belly ;-)

I was just talking with a new transplant from our Dallas office today - he was very bummed when I told him you can't get new Glock's in MA. He has a really, really nice H+K I want to play with...

Cheers,

-Andrew

I'm not too much of a Bourbon drinker, but will try the Hayden's. I take back my Girlyman comment. Anyone who can drink Borubon is NOT a Girlyman!

Your friend is going to be in a state of shock going from TX to MA. No cattle, very few horses, taxes out the wazoo and VERY restrictive gun laws.

 

[Alan]

Basil Hayden's is good. Bookers is better.

I have each, but on the ocaision when I take a nip, I like Knob Creek with a couple of ice cubes.

Being from KY, I get to try a lot of neat bourbon's. I sit on a board with the CEO of Heaven Hill and they have a great bourbon in Evan Williams Single Barrel. If you see it, give it a try.

 

[astanley]

Basil Hayden's is good. Bookers is better.

I have each, but on the ocaision when I take a nip, I like Knob Creek with a couple of ice cubes.

Being from KY, I get to try a lot of neat bourbon's. I sit on a board with the CEO of Heaven Hill and they have a great bourbon in Evan Williams Single Barrel. If you see it, give it a try.

Will do. I had a bottle of Thedford recently, that was nice.

Bookers is amazing since it is uncut. I have a bottle at home, and it comes out on weekends or after VERY bad days (I try not to drink much during the week, when I do it is for good reason )

I need to hit Bourbon County some time...

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[astanley]

I'm not too much of a Bourbon drinker, but will try the Hayden's. I take back my Girlyman comment. Anyone who can drink Borubon is NOT a Girlyman!

Your friend is going to be in a state of shock going from TX to MA. No cattle, very few horses, taxes out the wazoo and VERY restrictive gun laws.

Call me what you want... just don't make fun of my bourbon

If you want to try something nice, give Eagle Rare a shot. Nice vanilla flavors in that stuff. Basil is just good old sippin bourbon, made for enjoyment. Bookers puts hair on your chest - uncut, straight from the barrel (126 proof).

I grew up here in MA... he was very shocked when I told him he cannot get a Glock here. He has a collection, however, and as I understand it, he can bring them in with him. He's moving one town over from me (the sticks), and the Chief of Police is pretty good about giving out Class A / ALP permits.

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[Anthony]

Bookers puts hair on your chest - uncut, straight from the barrel (126 proof).

Yeah, I got it on my chest, will it put it on your head???

I grew up here in MA... he was very shocked when I told him he cannot get a Glock here.

That surprises me too. I thought it was on the MA approved list, guess it doesn't have enogh safety features.

He has a collection, however, and as I understand it, he can bring them in with him. He's moving one town over from me (the sticks), and the Chief of Police is pretty good about giving out Class A / ALP permits.

Guess, if he wants a Glock (many other fine pistols out there, IMHO) he'll have to buy it before he moves.