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En-Route
THE Ohio State University will be looking for a new President after Dr. E Gordon Gee announced his retirement at a press conference. Dr. Gee, whose recent attack of the Presidential Stupidity Virus offended several organizations including The Catholic Church, will retire effective 1 July of this year.
THE OSU Board President Robert H. Schottenstein insisted it was clear Dr. Gee was not forced out after this latest bout with the Stupidity Virus but one observer detected a footprint on Dr. Gee’s posterior in the size and shape of Shottenstein’s footwear after the Press Conference where Dr. Gee announced his intention to retire. Dr. Gee did not discuss his plans but his current contract stipulations of retirement pay of over $500000, a paid sabbatical of one year and millions in deferred compensation will allow many options. Since this will be an unplanned expense this year, THE Ohio State University plans a surcharge on Popcorn sold during football games and other events at Ohio Stadium to cover it.
Dr. Gee was asked about his remarks about the academic quality of the University of Louisville since the NCAA Academic Progress rate for the UofL and THE Ohio State University are similar. Dr. Gee replied that the Basket Weaving Curriculum pursued by THE Ohio State University athletes was much more rigorous and demanding than Louisville’s similar course of study.
Speculation abounds that Dr. Gee will remain affiliated with THE Ohio State University. One rumor is the Dr. Gee will use some of his income to endow and assume the Bozo the Clown Chair in Public Speaking at THE Ohio State University College of Arts and Sciences. When informed of this, The Little Sisters of the Poor, a group of Catholic Nuns who were mentioned by Dr. Gee in a previous attack of the Stupidity Virus, suggested THE Ohio State University adopt the model of the Vatican living arrangements of the Pope and Pope Emeritus by allotting a portion of the 9600 square foot President’s mansion currently occupied by Dr. Gee for his retirement apartment.
While it cannot be confirmed Dr. Gee will remain at THE Ohio State University, the flashing Scarlet and Grey lights in the bow tie he wore at the Press Conference certainly indicate he has a desire to continue to be an Ohio State employee. This may raise questions of “double dipping” but that could be worked out in the negotiations over his contract.
In a related matter, The President of The State University of New Jersey who has also recently suffered an attack of the same Stupidity Virus in the new Athletic Director Selection process seems to have benefited from the from the twin remedies of “When the heats on somebody else, It’s not on you” and Stonewalling.
Cheers
THE OSU Board President Robert H. Schottenstein insisted it was clear Dr. Gee was not forced out after this latest bout with the Stupidity Virus but one observer detected a footprint on Dr. Gee’s posterior in the size and shape of Shottenstein’s footwear after the Press Conference where Dr. Gee announced his intention to retire. Dr. Gee did not discuss his plans but his current contract stipulations of retirement pay of over $500000, a paid sabbatical of one year and millions in deferred compensation will allow many options. Since this will be an unplanned expense this year, THE Ohio State University plans a surcharge on Popcorn sold during football games and other events at Ohio Stadium to cover it.
Dr. Gee was asked about his remarks about the academic quality of the University of Louisville since the NCAA Academic Progress rate for the UofL and THE Ohio State University are similar. Dr. Gee replied that the Basket Weaving Curriculum pursued by THE Ohio State University athletes was much more rigorous and demanding than Louisville’s similar course of study.
Speculation abounds that Dr. Gee will remain affiliated with THE Ohio State University. One rumor is the Dr. Gee will use some of his income to endow and assume the Bozo the Clown Chair in Public Speaking at THE Ohio State University College of Arts and Sciences. When informed of this, The Little Sisters of the Poor, a group of Catholic Nuns who were mentioned by Dr. Gee in a previous attack of the Stupidity Virus, suggested THE Ohio State University adopt the model of the Vatican living arrangements of the Pope and Pope Emeritus by allotting a portion of the 9600 square foot President’s mansion currently occupied by Dr. Gee for his retirement apartment.
While it cannot be confirmed Dr. Gee will remain at THE Ohio State University, the flashing Scarlet and Grey lights in the bow tie he wore at the Press Conference certainly indicate he has a desire to continue to be an Ohio State employee. This may raise questions of “double dipping” but that could be worked out in the negotiations over his contract.
In a related matter, The President of The State University of New Jersey who has also recently suffered an attack of the same Stupidity Virus in the new Athletic Director Selection process seems to have benefited from the from the twin remedies of “When the heats on somebody else, It’s not on you” and Stonewalling.
Cheers
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