Sac Arrow
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,344
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
Display name:
Snorting his way across the USA
Sat on my face today. It was bound to happen. Maybe it was destined to happen. Either way, it did happen. In a rather unexpected way.
Backdrop:
I get to the gym at zero-dark thirty in the morning, every day, barring holiday closures (which only occur once a year, they close for Christmas day.) I have to. If I miss one day at the gym, one single day, I become irritated, irrational, and have homicidal thoughts until I can burn the excess energy off.
Now the cleaner maid, she starts her routine even earlier at zero-dark (that's right, zero-dark, not zero-dark thirty.) That's as early as you can get. She pretty much has to, that's when the locker activities are minimal so they can shut the men's locker room for cleaning. Usually when I get there she's out on the floor wiping down the machines, mopping or vacuuming with the back pack mounted vacuum machine.
She stayed a little bit later this morning. Obviously she got held up in her cleaning sequence. Consequently, I was done with cardio and over in the weight area, lying on a bench doing bench dumbbell flys. Or is it flies? I think it is flys. Fly is a proper name in this case. I hear the ominous sound of the vacuum cleaner machine behind me. She's cleaning the floor beneath the dumbbell rack. That is a good thing. It was littered with chalk dust, gum wrappers and syringe needles. Well okay, not the syringe needles. The buff dudes shoot it up in the locker room. But the chalk dust and gum wrappers, they were there.
Admittedly people at this gym are slobs. They leave junk lying around all over the place. Weights on the floor. And barbells. And kettle balls. One thing that is never in disagreement is the weight of a standard bench barbell. It is 45 lbs. The shorter curl barbells are reputedly 25 lbs but there is no real standard. We just call them 25 pounders but the only real way to know the weight is to weight it. She never saw the 25 lb curl barbell laying on the floor behind the bench as she backed up. Obviously someone was doing tricep extensions at some point but was too lazy to put the bar back on the curl stand where it came from.
I'm really glad I was doing flys, and not heavy dumbell presses. Drop a pair of 25's and it's no big deal. Drop a pair of 100's and you might tear something if you do it wrong. But yeah, she lost her balance, fell over backwards, and landed, you guessed it, on my face. And then the weight of the vaccum cleaner pack rotated her backwards, so she was basically laying on my chest, backwards. I basically had the full Monte in my face. Or more accurately the full Montessa. No her name is not Montessa, it is probably Maria, Juanita or Alejandra. Fortunately, she was a short, slender little thing. The vacuum pack probably weighed more than she did. They don't have "uniforms" per se, normally they just wear jeans and a company tee shirt. No little maid skirts. Hers were a pair of Ralph Laurens. A fairly old pair, well worn. In fact you could make out patches of light blue underwear from that perspective. They were cotton. But why would you clean in a new pair of Ralph Laurens. You wouldn't. I wouldn't. But I don't own a pair of Ralph Laurens, so I can't say from first hand experience.
"Aye caramba, so sorry!" She said in broken English. Actually that would be Spanish and broken English.
"It's okay honey, really, any time." (I actually didn't say 'any time' but I was thinking it.)
The place wasn't crowded, but there were a few people. The two girls working hammer curls, and the Asian dude on the bench. The scene was more like "WTF" than comical.
As I'm driving in to work, one think keeps reverberating through my mind (other than a fine Latina backside.) Okay that's two. How am I going to whore this up on the Internet? Post it on Facebook? Nah. What would @SixPapaCharlie do? He would put it on the POA! But he wouldn't admit it happened to him. Maybe he would. But more likely he'd post up a story that is a parable and probably have myself as the prop. That's right, he would blame me. So, if he's going to blame me anyway, I might as well beat him to the punch and throw it out there. So there we go.
Backdrop:
I get to the gym at zero-dark thirty in the morning, every day, barring holiday closures (which only occur once a year, they close for Christmas day.) I have to. If I miss one day at the gym, one single day, I become irritated, irrational, and have homicidal thoughts until I can burn the excess energy off.
Now the cleaner maid, she starts her routine even earlier at zero-dark (that's right, zero-dark, not zero-dark thirty.) That's as early as you can get. She pretty much has to, that's when the locker activities are minimal so they can shut the men's locker room for cleaning. Usually when I get there she's out on the floor wiping down the machines, mopping or vacuuming with the back pack mounted vacuum machine.
She stayed a little bit later this morning. Obviously she got held up in her cleaning sequence. Consequently, I was done with cardio and over in the weight area, lying on a bench doing bench dumbbell flys. Or is it flies? I think it is flys. Fly is a proper name in this case. I hear the ominous sound of the vacuum cleaner machine behind me. She's cleaning the floor beneath the dumbbell rack. That is a good thing. It was littered with chalk dust, gum wrappers and syringe needles. Well okay, not the syringe needles. The buff dudes shoot it up in the locker room. But the chalk dust and gum wrappers, they were there.
Admittedly people at this gym are slobs. They leave junk lying around all over the place. Weights on the floor. And barbells. And kettle balls. One thing that is never in disagreement is the weight of a standard bench barbell. It is 45 lbs. The shorter curl barbells are reputedly 25 lbs but there is no real standard. We just call them 25 pounders but the only real way to know the weight is to weight it. She never saw the 25 lb curl barbell laying on the floor behind the bench as she backed up. Obviously someone was doing tricep extensions at some point but was too lazy to put the bar back on the curl stand where it came from.
I'm really glad I was doing flys, and not heavy dumbell presses. Drop a pair of 25's and it's no big deal. Drop a pair of 100's and you might tear something if you do it wrong. But yeah, she lost her balance, fell over backwards, and landed, you guessed it, on my face. And then the weight of the vaccum cleaner pack rotated her backwards, so she was basically laying on my chest, backwards. I basically had the full Monte in my face. Or more accurately the full Montessa. No her name is not Montessa, it is probably Maria, Juanita or Alejandra. Fortunately, she was a short, slender little thing. The vacuum pack probably weighed more than she did. They don't have "uniforms" per se, normally they just wear jeans and a company tee shirt. No little maid skirts. Hers were a pair of Ralph Laurens. A fairly old pair, well worn. In fact you could make out patches of light blue underwear from that perspective. They were cotton. But why would you clean in a new pair of Ralph Laurens. You wouldn't. I wouldn't. But I don't own a pair of Ralph Laurens, so I can't say from first hand experience.
"Aye caramba, so sorry!" She said in broken English. Actually that would be Spanish and broken English.
"It's okay honey, really, any time." (I actually didn't say 'any time' but I was thinking it.)
The place wasn't crowded, but there were a few people. The two girls working hammer curls, and the Asian dude on the bench. The scene was more like "WTF" than comical.
As I'm driving in to work, one think keeps reverberating through my mind (other than a fine Latina backside.) Okay that's two. How am I going to whore this up on the Internet? Post it on Facebook? Nah. What would @SixPapaCharlie do? He would put it on the POA! But he wouldn't admit it happened to him. Maybe he would. But more likely he'd post up a story that is a parable and probably have myself as the prop. That's right, he would blame me. So, if he's going to blame me anyway, I might as well beat him to the punch and throw it out there. So there we go.
