Sac Arrow
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,409
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
Display name:
Snorting his way across the USA
It pains me.
Well it pains me because, I am in pain, struggling through an hour of cardio at 6:05 a.m. on a Sunday morning and the only other person, THE ONLY OTHER PERSON in front of the TV I normally watch is actually following the Ion Life cooking channel. Well there is the other TV on the far side but the only other-other person (okay so there are four of us in the gym, me, two middle aged ladies and the desk guy) is watching some stupid home improvement show on the Highly Gay TV Network (HGTV, not that there is anything wrong with it.)
Fresh with Anna Olsen
No sound, just lip movement. Her name is Anna Olsen. Her show is Fresh. She's actually kind of hot, with just a hint of psychopathic toxicity. She features 'country cooking' although as to whether that means Southern cooking or not I don't know, I can't hear the sound to detect an accent and 'y'all' doesn't come across well in lip reading. She just has this aura that suggests that her head is capable of 360 degree rotation.
It was, quite frankly, like watching a train wreck. It looks good at first, but you know something bad is going to happen. In this case, it wasn't a crippled train, but a batch of chicken salad. First she dices the chicken (come on man, REAL chicken salad is shredded) but we will let that go. You KNOW she is going to find a way to f*** it up. You just know.
Wow, on the train wreck scale, this was like Amtrak vs. Southern Pacific head on at full speed each direction. She proceeds to take a loaf of white bread, stacked on end, and shaves the heels off with a knife and quarters them. Then the bread squares line the bottom and sides of a shallow cooking pot. Then, you guessed it, goes in a layer of that fine but not the finest chicken salad. Then a layer of bread squares. Then another layer of chicken salad. More bread. A layer of some sort of thick sauce thing, more bread, another layer of something, and when all is said and done it becomes something that resembles a layered cake, complete with icing trim on the top.
Like, ewww.
The ladies at the bridal shower (I guess it's a bridal shower, I don't see any babies) visibly grimace as the pick through the sliced concoction featuring mooshed Wonder Bread and the chicken that didn't quite make it across the road, all topped off with sugary squiggle trim.
Honey Yogurt Cheesecake?
Like, ewww.
There was absolutely nothing, NOTHING on that show I would even consider eating*
Southern Fried Cooking with Robin Shea
This is a bit of an oddball show. She works out in her rather elaborate home gym. I'm guessing it's a home gym because it looks too small to be a commercial gym, plus it's too clean. It might be a hotel gym. She is some sort of fitness person. And a cook. But the problem is that her fitness/cooking relationship is analogous to a Planned Parenthood branch operated by the local Diocese. This chick goes OUT OF HER WAY to ensure that the most lard and the most fat is retained in her cooking. Again, we have a bunch of conventional recipes, along with a bunch of unconventional ones that are too difficult to describe.
She doesn't weigh 300 pounds, but the people that eat her food at the end of the show probably have to buy the heavy duty version of the bathroom scale. Her desserts are just that. Imagine a normal confectionery, but stuffed with extra sugar. Sugar is like the base stock with a little flour and fruit and what-not added for posterity. I gained ten pounds just watching the show out of my peripheral vision. The lady staring intently at the show will probably gain another ten pounds shortly after she gets home.
I've never understood the demographics of the people that watch these shows (overweight middle aged women??) but the TV's are always tuned in to 'those' channels, obviously from the crowd from the night before. This place is open 24 hours a day. Why they are watching the food network at 11:00 p.m. is anybody's guess. Why they are in the gym at 11:00 p.m. is anybody's guess. I'm an exercise freakazoid but past five o'clock is drinking time, sorry. Make that four o'clock. Hell I'm usually done with the gym by 8:00 a.m. at the latest so make that nine o'clock.**
*well okay maybe there is but let's not get in to that
**traffic sucks during the morning commute so it takes a little extra time to get to the pub
Well it pains me because, I am in pain, struggling through an hour of cardio at 6:05 a.m. on a Sunday morning and the only other person, THE ONLY OTHER PERSON in front of the TV I normally watch is actually following the Ion Life cooking channel. Well there is the other TV on the far side but the only other-other person (okay so there are four of us in the gym, me, two middle aged ladies and the desk guy) is watching some stupid home improvement show on the Highly Gay TV Network (HGTV, not that there is anything wrong with it.)
Fresh with Anna Olsen
No sound, just lip movement. Her name is Anna Olsen. Her show is Fresh. She's actually kind of hot, with just a hint of psychopathic toxicity. She features 'country cooking' although as to whether that means Southern cooking or not I don't know, I can't hear the sound to detect an accent and 'y'all' doesn't come across well in lip reading. She just has this aura that suggests that her head is capable of 360 degree rotation.
It was, quite frankly, like watching a train wreck. It looks good at first, but you know something bad is going to happen. In this case, it wasn't a crippled train, but a batch of chicken salad. First she dices the chicken (come on man, REAL chicken salad is shredded) but we will let that go. You KNOW she is going to find a way to f*** it up. You just know.
Wow, on the train wreck scale, this was like Amtrak vs. Southern Pacific head on at full speed each direction. She proceeds to take a loaf of white bread, stacked on end, and shaves the heels off with a knife and quarters them. Then the bread squares line the bottom and sides of a shallow cooking pot. Then, you guessed it, goes in a layer of that fine but not the finest chicken salad. Then a layer of bread squares. Then another layer of chicken salad. More bread. A layer of some sort of thick sauce thing, more bread, another layer of something, and when all is said and done it becomes something that resembles a layered cake, complete with icing trim on the top.
Like, ewww.
The ladies at the bridal shower (I guess it's a bridal shower, I don't see any babies) visibly grimace as the pick through the sliced concoction featuring mooshed Wonder Bread and the chicken that didn't quite make it across the road, all topped off with sugary squiggle trim.
Honey Yogurt Cheesecake?
Like, ewww.
There was absolutely nothing, NOTHING on that show I would even consider eating*
Southern Fried Cooking with Robin Shea
This is a bit of an oddball show. She works out in her rather elaborate home gym. I'm guessing it's a home gym because it looks too small to be a commercial gym, plus it's too clean. It might be a hotel gym. She is some sort of fitness person. And a cook. But the problem is that her fitness/cooking relationship is analogous to a Planned Parenthood branch operated by the local Diocese. This chick goes OUT OF HER WAY to ensure that the most lard and the most fat is retained in her cooking. Again, we have a bunch of conventional recipes, along with a bunch of unconventional ones that are too difficult to describe.
She doesn't weigh 300 pounds, but the people that eat her food at the end of the show probably have to buy the heavy duty version of the bathroom scale. Her desserts are just that. Imagine a normal confectionery, but stuffed with extra sugar. Sugar is like the base stock with a little flour and fruit and what-not added for posterity. I gained ten pounds just watching the show out of my peripheral vision. The lady staring intently at the show will probably gain another ten pounds shortly after she gets home.
I've never understood the demographics of the people that watch these shows (overweight middle aged women??) but the TV's are always tuned in to 'those' channels, obviously from the crowd from the night before. This place is open 24 hours a day. Why they are watching the food network at 11:00 p.m. is anybody's guess. Why they are in the gym at 11:00 p.m. is anybody's guess. I'm an exercise freakazoid but past five o'clock is drinking time, sorry. Make that four o'clock. Hell I'm usually done with the gym by 8:00 a.m. at the latest so make that nine o'clock.**
*well okay maybe there is but let's not get in to that
**traffic sucks during the morning commute so it takes a little extra time to get to the pub
