The music in the club was pulsating. My moves were so perfect, so precise, the crowd was in awe. And the DJ and I were like tight yo, so he put on the perfect song so I could throw in some Gangnam moves. As the night wore on, the spinning balls and pumping techno music gave way to flickering candlelight and the mellow crooning of Barry White. The plastic cups of fountain Mai Tai gave way to crystal glasses of slightly chilled Staggs Leap Napa Valley Zinfandel, 2009. Soon Yee's silky, deep dark reddish brown hair parted over her velvety blue dress, as she reclined in my couch, crossing her porcelain smooth legs with just a hint of modesty, yet revealing her curvaceous figure. My couch is not a brown one. No. It's a gray couch. Okay so it was a white couch when I got it. Eventually it will be a brown couch but we're not there yet. The somber tones of moanin' and grindin' filtered through the living room as I poured another glass and slid up close to her and whispered in to her ear "아기 야, 좀 재미를 할 수 있습니다." "Oooooh Soon Yee so impressed! Sac so romantic!" Her brown eyes closed as our lips drew together and.... BRAAAAAAAP! What, the hell? Okay, I don't know which was worse. Was it the bone jarring rattle of the dryer alarm, or was it the intense shooting pain in my calf caused by the paw of an equally alarmed kitty? I look over at the alarm clock. It's two freakin' a.m. Two a.m. The dryer was done drying at 9:30 p.m. The alarm had been going off ALL NIGHT LONG at random times for no apparent reason. It's like it had a mind of its own. Growing up, mom would always load the dryer, it would run for an hour, and it would "Braap" then mom would unload it and fold the clothes. Or not. But it wouldn't Braap again. Nor did the Maytag. In fact, the Maytag had no problem drying clothes, but it was starting to surpass the paper shredder in another annoying capacity so it had to be replaced. I think the last Maytag guy to service it thought he was repairing a garbage disposal. Fast forward to the new Kenmore. The thing has controls, switches and dials on it that rival the Space Shuttle cockpit. But the one thing it lacks, is the sense to know when to STFU. It's like it has a mind of it's own. I'm sure this is what it's thinking: Braap #1: I'm done. It's time to unload the dryer. Braap #2: Look you anus, I told you I'm done, get this crap out of me. Braap #3: Uh huh, you're going to go to sleep on me? No you're not! You know what I'm going to do? I'm going destroy your steak before you get to bite in to it! Take that! Braap #4: So this is how it's going to be huh, you're going to leave these dorky clothes inside me all night long. Well guess what, I'm going to f**** up your wet dream! Braap#5: That extra ten minutes of sleep would have been nice, wouldn't it. Heh. See how productive your work day will be. Why why why why why, don't these appliance engineers test these things out? Don't they think these things through? ONE WARNING IS ENOUGH! It's not like leaving the clothes in the dry is going to overcook them or expose them to excessive harmful radiation. Yeah I guess I could get up in the middle of the night, trip over the rug, open the dryer door and shut it again but I shouldn't have to.