[N/A] How will I know?
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flyingcheesehead
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I've thought this my entire life, though my time limit was 5 years.
I've been with a girl for more than three years more than once.
I asked my fiancée to marry me when we'd been together less than a year.
It was obvious. I have no question in my mind that she's the one. I talked with someone who I respect very much who didn't get it right until the third wife. When I asked him about it, he said, "When you find the right girl, you'll be married before you get married." Then there's the old "Don't marry the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without." Cliché, but it's the truth. I just didn't know how good it could get until now.
If I were a god and had the power to create a woman to my own specifications, I couldn't have done better. Hell, I couldn't even have done as well! (Edit: And then there's this, too!)
If you can't feel that strongly that she's the one - She's not the one. I'm 38 years old and while I certainly wouldn't have planned my life this way, I'm very happy at how things have turned out and I'm glad I waited. Otherwise, I'd probably have a couple of kids with the wrong person, and either be unhappily married or divorced, and I'd almost certainly have never met the love of my life. Don't do it until you KNOW.
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texasag93
Line Up and Wait
I do not like my wife all the time, but I do love her all the time.
Pi1otguy
En-Route
Well, of course. Love vs infatuation plus truly believing "She is the one" is sort of a prereq. Did it sneak up on you too when one day you had the sudden epiphany "I love her. How'd that happen?"
But seriously I think my main thing is trying to figure out "the secret" to these things. My folks can't really articulate it cause they've lived it for 35+ years. At best I figure that doing for the other and looking out for them, even when it's from themselves is a huge part of it.
LandSickness
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The fact is you never know. Love is the leap. Commitment is the work. Both amount to the greatest sacrifice you'll make emotionally until you have children. THE REAL QUESTION IS, ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH? Because there's nothing manly about staying out of the game, supposedly where it's safe, avoiding the pain when and if you get hurt nor is there anything noble about staying with someone who doesn't give two craps about you. Basically, young man, what I'm saying is, its okay to fail. If you love her enough to try, try. If you don't, don't. You'll never know how cold the pool is without the leap, no matter what the geniuses of love tell you. Take the leap....or not.
more so.ClimbnSink
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Spare him the man up crap. The marriage deck is stacked against men so blatantly unless she has more money then you you are a sucker to get married. You get the milk for free right? Buying the cow doesn't stop the cow from giving her milk to someone else. Considering the significant downsides of selling the cow back to the market why do it?
ryoung99
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I could not have said this better myself. I am on wife #2, and I knew on the first date that she was the person for me (no kidding). Not sure she knew that quick, but I did. We have been married for almost 7 years without one real issue, a few squabbles here and there, but no issues. I love her with all my heart.
With my first wife, I never wanted to have kids and that subliminal message spoke volumes. With my second wife, I could not wait for us to have a baby and start a family. Listen to those instincts. For years I convinced myself that I did not want children, but in the end I did not want them with her. I was surprised how bad I wanted to have a family once I found the right person to do it with.
Good luck, but I suspect you already know the answer to your question.
Skylane81E
Final Approach
Another point, if her answer to the question is at all in question it aint time.
LandSickness
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Your reply makes my point. At some point in your life, you gotta stop living in fear of being hurt. Marriage is not something we men have to defend against. You either want to be married or you don't. You gotta stop living with your guard up. The world is not trying to steal your freedom. If you like the single life, stay single, but I don't think it's fair to present marriage and commitment as this trap that we need to guard against. If the Op is considering sharing more than his bed with this woman, he needs to know that there is no guarantee that it will work out. I don't care what algorithm he runs. There is no way of knowing if his leap will pay off. The leap is the price you pay. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind and marry some psycho with issues you recognize are problematic. I'm saying a relationship is something you build. It's not something you join. It's something you create. That takes sacrifice, creativity, open mindedness, patience and a serious sense of humor.
ClimbnSink
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OK it isn't a trap, it is a terrible financial deal, completely independent of love. You don't need love for marriage and you don't need marriage for love. All marriage does it declare someone legal next of kin. And destroy men financially if she ain't haaappy, and wants to live in your house and bleep other guys while you pay her bills. So man up and marry, cause that poon is near runout and needs a legally bound sugar daddy.
ryoung99
Pre-takeoff checklist
OK it isn't a trap, it is a terrible financial deal, completely independent of love. You don't need love for marriage and you don't need marriage for love. All marriage does it declare someone legal next of kin. And destroy men financially if she ain't haaappy, and wants to live in your house and bleep other guys while you pay her bills. So man up and marry, cause that poon is near runout and needs a legally bound sugar daddy.
So I am guessing your first marriage did not turn out so well?
ClimbnSink
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nope. still on my first wife.
DaleB
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What an amusing thing to read on the day of my 34th wedding anniversary.
And I so got the better end of this deal.
wabower
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We'll have #51 in Aug and I'm thinking the same thing. I've got socks that are older than some of their marriages.
What an amusing thing to read on the day of my 34th wedding anniversary.
LandSickness
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OK it isn't a trap, it is a terrible financial deal, completely independent of love. You don't need love for marriage and you don't need marriage for love. All marriage does it declare someone legal next of kin. And destroy men financially if she ain't haaappy, and wants to live in your house and bleep other guys while you pay her bills. So man up and marry, cause that poon is near runout and needs a legally bound sugar daddy.
Even a leap can have a safety net. (ahem) PRENUP!
The Man up part would be making her happy and everything that takes. There's the work I mentioned before. If you're not committed to that, you're absolutely right. You're just burning money. Oh, and marrying for "poon"(love that, btw) would kinda be like building a plane to save money. It's bad math, man and a losing proposition from the get go.
Pi1otguy
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So, I after thinking about it for sometime I decided to go for it. I was trying to figure out how to go about it and considered quite elaborate schemes. I was going to write and recite an epic and incredibly profound speech touching on the nature of life, love, the universe, and such too.
I scoured the near and far to find a unique ring and had one custom made by a guy next to corn field in a far away state and had it shipped in a generic non-descript box to avoid detection. I practiced and refined the art of presenting the ring all the while scouting potential venues.
But after all that it happened when it was just the 2 of us on a hill ~5000 ft up, overlooking SoCal when the mood just seemed right. After a long winded impromptu speech about love, us, and such I popped the question and she said "yes" as I presented the ring.
Only thing you guys forgot to mention is that you spend the next 3-4 hours answering calls, texts, and emails.
I scoured the near and far to find a unique ring and had one custom made by a guy next to corn field in a far away state and had it shipped in a generic non-descript box to avoid detection. I practiced and refined the art of presenting the ring all the while scouting potential venues.
But after all that it happened when it was just the 2 of us on a hill ~5000 ft up, overlooking SoCal when the mood just seemed right. After a long winded impromptu speech about love, us, and such I popped the question and she said "yes" as I presented the ring.
Only thing you guys forgot to mention is that you spend the next 3-4 hours answering calls, texts, and emails.
Florida Cracker
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Meh. When my wife and I got married, she was 17 and I was 18. She graduated high school the week before the wedding (and no, our first child wasn't born for a little over a year). It will be 34 years on Monday. Admittedly, we're kind of outliers.
I dated exactly three women before my wife.
The afternoon I was introduced to her, I told my best friend she was the one and I never looked back.
Fortuneately for me, neither did she.
Our kids and now some f the grand kids ask us for relationship advice, like this thread, in fact, I always tell them that you marry the person you see yourself sitting beside, on the front porch, in side by side rockers, watching the grandchildren play in the yard and the thought makes you smile.
ClimbnSink
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Congrats. Now is an important time in your life. Wedding planning hell months/years. When she opens her mouth about details, get up and go flying. Give in now and freedom will never be yours again. We will see you here in 40 years posting how you used to fly before your marriage, house and kids and would like to start again.
cirrusmx
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brand new wife said "those machines are foing to kill you". sayin!
Well... yeah, if you tell anyone.
Personally, if I ever decide to get married again (and assuming that none of my friends shoot me in the head as I've had them promise to do in that event), I don't plan to tell anyone. Marriage is a contract between two people, after all. Let the rest of the world figure it out for themselves.
My dream wedding would start with my bride and I going to Brooklyn, because any excuse to eat Brooklyn pizza is a good one. Or maybe Queens. We could fly under LGA's bravo and land on the river, up by Long Island Sound. Romantic, huh? And the spot I'm thinking of is within walking distance of a couple of decent pizzerias if we take the shortcut through the scrap yard. The dogs won't be a problem. They know me.
But then again... Okay, Brooklyn. I like Lenny's pizza better.
So we'll land on the river, pay some kid twenty bucks to make sure no one steals the hubcaps off the bird, and take a bus and three subway trains to Brooklyn. We get off at Court Street (because that's where the night court is) and look for a judge and a wino. They both tend to hang out at night court, so that should be easy.
I pay the wino ten bucks to be a witness and the judge whatever the going rate is to be a judge, get the wedding thing over with, and then take the R train to Prospect Avenue and walk a few blocks to Lenny's Pizzeria. We order a large pizza with extra cheese, sausage, green peppers, and onions, and a 1.5 liter bottle of Bolla Bardolino. Hey, it's our wedding night. Nothing but the best.
Once we're done eating and drinking, we stagger to the Ninth Street YMCA for the honeymoon. Hey, no one ever accused me of being cheap. Not in the past hour, at least. Besides, they have a pool and a gym there. I also hear that they replaced the mattresses in 1996, and the sheets a couple of months ago. What more could you ask?
Now, your plans may be a bit different. After all, not everyone has my flair for planning nor my romantic streak. That's okay. I didn't have them either when I was younger. They're sort of acquired. So don't worry, and don't feel like you have to match my plan. Whatever you come up with will be fine, I'm sure.
That's about all I have to say. It's getting late and it's time to hit the rack. Oh, except for one more thing: Congratulations, and best wishes for a lifetime of love, happiness, and blessings.
-Rich
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Pi1otguy
En-Route
She said not to fly without her. I looked at her puzzled and she said that if something happens she doesn't want to be left behind. Not sure what to think of that besides "she is a keeper".
Pi1otguy
En-Route
Congrats. Now is an important time in your life. Wedding planning hell months/years. When she opens her mouth about details, get up and go flying. Give in now and freedom will never be yours again. We will see you here in 40 years posting how you used to fly before your marriage, house and kids and would like to start again.
I know, huh? The key is to say "now listen here...", "so this is how it's gonna be.", and "are those my only options?" Every now and then.
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Bingo! What will the future hold? Who knows, people change over time. You decide you'll either work together or you'll work apart. And sometimes it's just plain hard, but so is life. It makes the great times even better!
hindsight2020
Final Approach
Get a prenup.
--break break--
Congratulations. May you find a house of peace and freedom from economic anxiety in your married life. Life's too short to be tense for all your working and child rearing years. Good luck to you sir.
--break break--
Congratulations. May you find a house of peace and freedom from economic anxiety in your married life. Life's too short to be tense for all your working and child rearing years. Good luck to you sir.