steingar
Taxi to Parking
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it threetimes"
It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only bedressing 20 players for the Ohio State game ...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!
Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground?
All five books in the library were completely destroyed....
the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!
What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
Columbus: 187 Miles
What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool
How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza
Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for thefighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the NittanyLions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.
What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad?
"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave hima broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store.""But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'd better show you how."
Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months.
"Two months?!"exclaimed the bartender.
The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just in time.
A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery, when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man."
The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did.
"You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and Iwant it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish.
Jim says, "Fill it up with water."
Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.
What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life?
His freshman year.
We Ohio State fans amuse ourselves by scaring every Michigan fan we see strutting down the street with that obnoxious maze & blue "M" on his shirt. We would swerve our vans as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them.
One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?"
"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Michigan fan walking down the road, with that "M" shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Michigan fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."
It is late in the OSU-Michigan game on an overcast day. Michigan has the ball on the OSU 3, with 2 seconds left, and down 14-10. There is time for one more play. Lloyd Carr calls timeout. As the team is coming to the sideline, Lloyd looks to the heavens and says, "God - I've been a good man. A church-going man. I've tried to do what's right and I've never asked you for anything. But, this is a big game and if I could get a little guidance, I would be forever grateful".
The clouds part, the sun shines on Lloyd and he hears a voice bellow "I Right 39 Pitch Trap". Lloyd can't believe it! God himself gave him the play! It'll work for sure. The team comes to the sideline and Lloyd excitedly gives them the play.
The timeout ends and the teams come back on the field. Lloyd can barely contain his excitement - he's going to win. Play resumes and the ball is snapped. The Michigan QB pitches to the back. For a split second, there's a hole - which is quickly filled by Laurinaitis, who tackles the Michigan back short of the goal line. Time expires and Ohio State players storm the field to celebrate.
Lloyd is in shock - he can't believe the play didn't work. Lloyd looks to the heavens and cries, "God - why did you call THAT play?" God looks down, shrugs, turns to his right and says, "Woody - why did we call that play?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it threetimes"
It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only bedressing 20 players for the Ohio State game ...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!
Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground?
All five books in the library were completely destroyed....
the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!
What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
Columbus: 187 Miles
What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool
How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza
Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for thefighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the NittanyLions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.
What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad?
"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave hima broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store.""But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'd better show you how."
Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months.
"Two months?!"exclaimed the bartender.
The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just in time.
A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery, when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man."
The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did.
"You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and Iwant it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish.
Jim says, "Fill it up with water."
Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.
What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life?
His freshman year.
We Ohio State fans amuse ourselves by scaring every Michigan fan we see strutting down the street with that obnoxious maze & blue "M" on his shirt. We would swerve our vans as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them.
One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?"
"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Michigan fan walking down the road, with that "M" shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Michigan fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."
It is late in the OSU-Michigan game on an overcast day. Michigan has the ball on the OSU 3, with 2 seconds left, and down 14-10. There is time for one more play. Lloyd Carr calls timeout. As the team is coming to the sideline, Lloyd looks to the heavens and says, "God - I've been a good man. A church-going man. I've tried to do what's right and I've never asked you for anything. But, this is a big game and if I could get a little guidance, I would be forever grateful".
The clouds part, the sun shines on Lloyd and he hears a voice bellow "I Right 39 Pitch Trap". Lloyd can't believe it! God himself gave him the play! It'll work for sure. The team comes to the sideline and Lloyd excitedly gives them the play.
The timeout ends and the teams come back on the field. Lloyd can barely contain his excitement - he's going to win. Play resumes and the ball is snapped. The Michigan QB pitches to the back. For a split second, there's a hole - which is quickly filled by Laurinaitis, who tackles the Michigan back short of the goal line. Time expires and Ohio State players storm the field to celebrate.
Lloyd is in shock - he can't believe the play didn't work. Lloyd looks to the heavens and cries, "God - why did you call THAT play?" God looks down, shrugs, turns to his right and says, "Woody - why did we call that play?"
