More flying truisms

Dave Siciliano

Final Approach
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Dave Siciliano
AVIATION TRUISMS

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins.

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the ugly one.

As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.

There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules, but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he who demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.

If black boxes survive air crashes -- why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs. --- President, DELTA Airlines

In the Alaska bush, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. Just that good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so seasoned observers contend. A matter of self-confidence? No doubt, no doubt.

I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.

There are only two types of aircraft -- fighters and targets.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful .

You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs.

New FAA Motto: We're not happy 'till you're not happy.


Best,

Dave
 
Good stuff! A few I haven't seen before, believe it or not.

And the first one really hit home. How, oh how, pray tell, can Continental lose my luggage on a direct flight?
 
Last week, a local morning country DJ had a list of: The Top Five Signs You're on the Wrong Airplane." I can only remember two of them and cannot find a source for the whole thing. But the two are:

  1. "This is the captain speaking. Would you like to get there fast or get there safe?"
  2. "This is the captain speaking. Good morning children of satan and other infidels!"
 
Good stuff! A few I haven't seen before, believe it or not.

And the first one really hit home. How, oh how, pray tell, can Continental lose my luggage on a direct flight?
On my father's last flight back from Viet Nam, Continental lost his luggage. Several months later it arrived at Travis AFB in CA with Paris tags on the bags. Hmmmm

And my mom never saw her luggage again following two flights, one on Pan Am, one on Continental. She took it in stride, it gave her reasons why she had to shop for new wardrobe.
 
On my father's last flight back from Viet Nam, Continental lost his luggage. Several months later it arrived at Travis AFB in CA with Paris tags on the bags. Hmmmm

And my mom never saw her luggage again following two flights, one on Pan Am, one on Continental. She took it in stride, it gave her reasons why she had to shop for new wardrobe.

On her way to my wedding, my mother lost her baggage. She was understandably upset and the airline offered to pay for a new outfit for the wedding. On the morning of the wedding she had an hour to grab an outfit and make it to the church. She made it.

When she got home from the wedding, she found her suitcase sitting on the bed. She'd forgotten to put in the car on the way to the airport and never noticed!:rofl:

Chris
 
Last week, a local morning country DJ had a list of: The Top Five Signs You're on the Wrong Airplane."[/LIST]

The only indicator necessary to tell that you're on the wrong airplane: "This is the capta."

If you're not sitting at a window seat and flying yourself, you're obviously in the wrong plane. :yes:
 
We have never left one up here yet. (The reply to ATC's query "Are you going to be able to get down from there?")

When it comes to flying low, the best you can ever do is tie the record.

Gravity always wins...

"If God had intended for man to fly in metal airplanes, he would have made trees of metal." (Sign on wall at Bellanca factory.)

The only time you can have too much fuel aboard an aircraft is when it's on fire.

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

"Skid not thy turns, lest the ground rise up to smite thee." - sticker in the Citabria my CFI put in above the pilot

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

Controllers and pilots have a lot in common:
When the pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
When the controller screws up, the pilot dies.

Takeoffs are optional ... landings are mandatory.

There's no such thing as a forced takeoff.

A good landing is one you walk away from...
…A great one when you can use the airplane again.

The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat!!

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ...I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing

It's a small world, but it's easy to hit it with an airplane.

The three most useless things in aviation:
1. Runway behind you
2. Altitude above you
3. Fuel left at the airport

The world needs optimists and pessimists. The Optimist invented the Airplane, the Pessimist the Parachute.

Subject: FAA NPRM
NOTICE OF PROPOSED RULEMAKING (NPRM)
Part 0, Section 000 (a) 1(c)

Section I - No pilot or pilots, or person or persons acting on the direction or suggestion or supervision of a pilot or pilots may try, or attempt to try or make, or make attempt to try to comprehend or understand any or all, in whole or in part of the herein mentioned Aviation Regulations, except as authorized by the Administrator or an agent appointed by, or inspected by, the Administrator.

Section II - If a pilot, or group of associate pilots becomes aware of, or realizes, or detects, or discovers, or finds that he or she, or they, are or have been beginning to understand the Aviation Regulations, they must immediately, within three (3) days notify, in writing, the Administrator.

Section III - Upon receipt of the above-mentioned notice of impending comprehension, the Administrator shall immediately rewrite the Aviation Regulations in such a manner as to eliminate any further comprehension hazards.

Section IV - The Administrator may, at his or her discretion, require the offending pilot or pilots to attend remedial instruction in Aviation Regulations until such time that the pilot is too confused to be capable of understanding anything.
 
The only indicator necessary to tell that you're on the wrong airplane: "This is the capta."

If you're not sitting at a window seat and flying yourself, you're obviously in the wrong plane. :yes:
Agreed!

There's that word again! :)
 
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