morbid mental preparation -sorry; downer thread

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I am one of those anal types that has to plan out everything. I'm not sure if there is a way to plan this particular thing but I need to be more mentally prepared than I am.
Many of you have lost friends because of aviation accidents; I really haven't yet. I have read a lot about how people suffered serious emotional trauma because of such losses, and decided to quit flying altogether because of a death. (I am starting in another sport that is really risky, and there are a lot of people talking about a recent death is what reminded me of this topic.)
Anyway, what can we do to prepare ourselves for such losses? (assuming I don't bite it before any of my flying friends) When I even casually contemplate the possibility of losing any one of these good friends, it sort of freezes me, I can't think about it anymore. I want to go into this heads up should it ever happen - and with a 'good attitude' if thats possible. I won't be able to help any one else if I am an emotional cripple at the time.
I don't want to lose a friend but there is little I can do to change that. I also don't want to then sacrifice a hobby that gives me great happiness.
Any thoughts are welcome.
 
The first thing you can do is realize that we are all dying. Yes it's true. So it now becomes a matter of what I am going to accomplish between now and then, and how to do it.

It's not the length of one's life. It's the conduct of it.
 
Don't spend your life worrying about someone dying. It's going to happen, whether from flying or falling in the tub, and you really can't prepare for it. You'll be sad, and you'll get over it. Life goes on. I, for one, would be most sad if an accident of mine were to cause someone else to stop flying.

No sense in dealing too much with a death that hasn't happened yet. Enjoy your life and your friends while you can. Besides, if they've come to Christ, dying isn't a bad thing anyway.
 
A friend of mine overthinks things and has to have it all planned and thought out too. IMO: Way too much effort involved. Sometimes you just have to forget about over thinking and over planning every little detail and get on with the program.

Life is lethal. It'll kill everyone eventually. Some earlier than others. The Universe itself will eventually kill anyone that happens to be immortal. You can't win by default. Aviation, rock climbing, skydiving, mountain trekking, driving your car, laying on the floor, etc are not risky at all when it comes to it. The risk is mostly in your attitude toward how you'll approach doing whatever you're doing makes the real difference on risk.

I've known a few people who have gotten themselves killed one way or another. Some in planes, some in cars, one person I use to work with was just standing there with no risk at all in their life and simply keeled over. I deal with it, NOT by getting emotionally overly involved in all the gory details and depression, but by learning what lead up to the problem and what I would do to avoid such a situation. I think that's something that anyone who got killed would want you to do. It's not the easist thing in the world but try to treat it like you would a friend that moved away without warning never to be seen or heard from again and learn something useful from the details leading up to the point where the outcome was inevitable and leave it at that and get on with life. (Much easier said than done but the concept is valid)

As for the people pointing out recent deaths or how dangerous something is, I ignore all of those people completely. There's not a single thing I've ever done that someone hasn't said something about how dangerous it is. If you listen to them, you'll be restricted to laying on the floor of a sealed padded room for the rest of your life trying to keep from dying and even then someone will tell you you're doing something dangerous. Think about it.

Find something you like doing, approach it with a good attitude on how to it safely then do it. Admit that no matter what you do or who you meet, someone will eventually not survive it. Then when something bad happens to someone else, learn from it and keep going.

The Universe is a rough neighborhood with a tuff set of inflexible rules. Deal with it the best you can and have fun.
 
bbchien said:
The first thing you can do is realize that we are all dying. Yes it's true. So it now becomes a matter of what I am going to accomplish between now and then, and how to do it.

It's not the length of one's life. It's the conduct of it.
Click to expand...

Yes.

Also, you are learning how to manage risk, and that is a valuable tool for all the parts of your life. It strengthens you for the inevitable times that you do face loss. Every step you take involves some loss, if you think about it.
 
You started dying the moment you were born. You just don't know how long it's going to take.

Everyone has different theories on dealing with death and the possiblity of death. You have to find your own way. It may be something you read here. It may be something someone else says later.
 
Unregistered said:
I am one of those anal types that has to plan out everything. I'm not sure if there is a way to plan this particular thing but I need to be more mentally prepared than I am.
Many of you have lost friends because of aviation accidents; I really haven't yet. I have read a lot about how people suffered serious emotional trauma because of such losses, and decided to quit flying altogether because of a death. (I am starting in another sport that is really risky, and there are a lot of people talking about a recent death is what reminded me of this topic.)
Anyway, what can we do to prepare ourselves for such losses? (assuming I don't bite it before any of my flying friends) When I even casually contemplate the possibility of losing any one of these good friends, it sort of freezes me, I can't think about it anymore. I want to go into this heads up should it ever happen - and with a 'good attitude' if thats possible. I won't be able to help any one else if I am an emotional cripple at the time.
I don't want to lose a friend but there is little I can do to change that. I also don't want to then sacrifice a hobby that gives me great happiness.
Any thoughts are welcome.
Click to expand...

Well, that's the ***** isn't it. I've been there several times, many more than I care for, and I'm never prepared for it. I don't dwell on it, nor do I ever really consider that "today my friend (or I) may die, how do I act, what can I do to prepare" in my daily thoughts. Part of that is realizing that from the day you are born you are dying and that worrying about death in and of itself is counterproductive to enjoying life. We all find our own way of dealing with it short term and long with rituals both our own and introduced. I know that all my friends who died in planes were glad that they had the opportunity to go that way as am I. There is a chance it will happen to me. I take reasonable care to prevent it, but that chance won't keep me from flying or participating in various other elevated risk endeavours. My life will end eventually, I'd rather that was caused enjoying myself as opposed to brain cancer or some such other prolonged, disabling and painfull disease.
 
I hate to quote a movie in cases like this, but the first thing that came to my mind when I read this thread was, "Every man dies. Not every man truly lives."

Those 8 simple words sum up such a profound philosophy so succinctly. The only certainty about death is that it will come - nobody can say with certainty when. The ultimate question that matters about death is, "When it comes, will you be able to look back and say, 'I truly lived!'"?
 
I read something the other day that summed it up for me. I will try to quote it
as best as memory serves me.
"Life is such that one should not try to arrive at the pearly gates well preserved and perfectly intact, but you should broadslide up to the gates, smoking, leaking oil, jump out and yell "Yaaahoo, man what a ride!!"

I try not to worry about risk involved in some of my activites, but try to control the risks as much as possible. Risky endevours sometimes kill people, its part of the territory. When I was drag racing, I watched a fellow racer lose control of his car and roll it some 10 times down the track. His belts broke loose and he was ejected from the car and was killed. I was sitting at the starting line as the next to go. It definately gave me pause when they fired us up again after they got the wreck cleaned up.

Don
 
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Joe Williams said:
Don't spend your life worrying about someone dying. It's going to happen, whether from flying or falling in the tub, and you really can't prepare for it. You'll be sad, and you'll get over it. Life goes on. I, for one, would be most sad if an accident of mine were to cause someone else to stop flying.

No sense in dealing too much with a death that hasn't happened yet. Enjoy your life and your friends while you can. Besides, if they've come to Christ, dying isn't a bad thing anyway.
Click to expand...



Also, if a higher power exists or not & if there is an after life of some sort, it could be better then here.

I am sure that if "God" exists & we are all his children, that having a bad relationship with your brother "Jesus" would not make "Daddy" send you to hell.

When my children fight I never thought once of dumping them into boiling water :)


Eamon
 
Don Jones said:
I read something the other day that summed it up for me. I will try to quote it
as best as memory serves me.
"Life is such that one should not try to arrive at the pearly gates well preserved and perfectly intact, but you should broadslide up to the gates, smoking, leaking oil, jump out and yell "Yaaahoo, man what a ride!!"
Click to expand...

Close.

"...Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to slide across the finish line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, and shouting GERONIMO!!!" -- Bill McKenna, date unknown
 
I've been flying nearly six years and until last fall had not lost any friends in aviation. Then in just two months, I lost 4 friends in separate accidents. Nothing can prepare you for the disbelief and pain of losing someone close, but hopefully many of the responses can help you accept that death is inevitable and following one's passion is part of living a good life. Here's a Helen Keller quote a friend sent that makes that point:

“Security is mostly a superstition.

It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

I was in the air 16 hours after the death of a very close friend. When I leveled out for cruise, I knew I was in the the right place doing the right thing...
 
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