gkainz
Final Approach
some of these have made the rounds before...
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Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,
two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals.
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his
new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him
this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank
you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again,
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"No way, Chief! After I get out of the navy I am never going to stand
in line again!"
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You've been to France before,
monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival
in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I
couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,
two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his
new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him
this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank
you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again,
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
------------------------------------------------------------------
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"No way, Chief! After I get out of the navy I am never going to stand
in line again!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You've been to France before,
monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival
in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I
couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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