Larry the cable guy wisdom

Don Jones

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[FONT=tahoma,sans-serif]Received this in an e-mail.... funny stuff.

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......


1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death,.................. twice?

20. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

21. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

22. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your a** tomorrow.




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19. What happens if you get scared half to death,.................. twice?

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I think I did this once before but....

If Death = D Then half way to death is 1/2 * D = D/2

Then if you are scared half to death again then.
D/2 * 1/2 = D/4 so you are 1/4th of the way from death.
 
wouldn't it be (D/2)^2? y'all can figure it out from there. I'm into music... :)
 
Funny stuff, but it doesn't all sound like Larry the Cable Guy.

Personally, I think his "Stuff that irritates me" bit is some damn good comedy.

"Y'know what else irritates me? Computers. Y'all got a computer? I might as well have bought a twenty seven hundred dollar deck o' cards. That's all I ever do is play solitaire on that thing, 24x7."

"A friend told me I could get dirty pictures on the computer. Took me an hour to download a dirty picture. There I sit, naked on a folding chair, reading the Country Weekly magazine... It's embarrasin'! They finally throwed me outta Kinko's about three thirty, four o'clock!"

Then he goes on his rant about NASCAR getting rid of the Winston Cup. "Who's gonna sponsor NASCAR, Stay-Free mini-pads? Well, we've got twenty-four cars in the Kotex cup this year... There goes Jeff Gordon in the number 23 strawberry douche Chevy Monte Carlo... Hey, Larry, how'd you get tickets to the Tampon 200?...




















...Well, I pulled some strings..." :rofl:
 
Yeah I've heard a few of those before, and particularly before Larry was ever on TV. :)

And if any of you are enamored by the down home look and sound of Larry the Cable Guy, you might want to see one of his earlier performances.... Introducing Dan Whitney on Caroline's Comedy Hour :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VROn7ZvVoW8
 
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