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AdamZ

AdamZ

Touchdown! Greaser!
Joined
Feb 24, 2005
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14,866
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Montgomery County PA
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Display name:
Adam Zucker
Ok my 9 yo daughter has been asking me and asking me to load AOL IM or AIM onto our laptop at home. Apparently picking up the phone and calling her friend that lives 3 miles away isn't good enough she needs to IM her. I guess if you have daughters you'd understand.

Anyway here is the deal:
1) I am not that great at computers and downloading stuff or uploading what ever its is.

2) I used to have AOL dial up. Ever stick a hot needle in your eyeball? I finally dumped AOL and got a new Dell Laptop and Dell Desk top a while ago. I now use Verizon DSL and I am very nervous about putting anything AOL back on my computer. I have heard it is like a bad rash and just wont go away.

So is it safe to load AIM on to my computer? Are there other Instant messangers that are better than AOLs that I can load?

Finally how would I do this?

Thanks so much.
 
Ugh. IM in a soon to be teenager's world is worse than the phone, imho. Your mileage may vary, of course.

AIM is a separate product from AOL and free. It can be downloaded here: http://www.aim.com/. Just run the installation program and it sets everything up.

Some things I'd change:

1. Don't allow it to start automatically when you log in/start your computer. This is not only irritating but EXTREMELY annoying when you're using the computer and your daughter's friends start flooding you with IM's, thinking it's her.

2. Don't allow anonymous users to ask her to chat. Please be very, very careful with this one. Everyone is not who they say they are online. I know a very motivated lady that chases people who stalk children online. She has some very sad stories. The FBI and Department of Justice have her on their speeddial.

3. Don't allow file transfers. Your daughter isn't going to recognize the difference between a pic and a virus-laden app at this point. AIM and other IM stuff is an easy way to get a virus.

4. Monitor her use of it, who she's 'talking' to and their relationship. I'm not trying to give parenting advice here. Just warning you that there are some bad people out there who pose as other kids. It's a free-for-all in that arena.

Good luck. I use Yahoo's IM to keep in touch with my family all over the country. Used wisely, it's a cool tool.
 
I prefer Yahoo as well. It is easy to install and set up. BUT any IM client is the pathway into the chat rooms. I went to them when I first set up im to see what all the halabaloo was about.

I was on an alleged aviation forum for about 1 minutes before I received my first proposition form an alleged '15 year old girl', followed by another and another similiar type of message. BTW in the minute I was there it was obvious that the forum had nothing to do with planes. So I went over to a scuba forum and had a similar experience. I have never gone back to chat rooms again. I did wonder how many of those types of pop up propositions were form the police looking for predators?

Since I don't have a kid I don't know off of the top of my head if you can limit access to those application once the client is installed. But you should find out before letting her run wild on it.

Scott
 
Even better.

DON'T USE AIM, YAHOO Messenger, MSN Messenger, or anything else.

Use Trillian from http://www.ceruleanstudios.com

Trillian combines all the messenger programs without the fluff that bogs down the computer. Much nicer to have 1 program for all your IM needs instead of 3 or 4 or what, 6 now?
 
Trillian has a free version too - it just has less features than the Pro version. Great for teens. :)
 
Hey all! Thanks so much for the info. Brian your advice is much appreciated. I am very aware of the SCUM that is floating out there. We insist that she use the laptop computer we keep in our kitchen rather than the one in my basement office. I want her using that thing in a high traffic high visablility from mom and dad Kind of place.

Just one final question. Is one limited to chatting or IMing with folks using the same IM program ie some one on Trillian send an IM to someone on AIM or Yahoo?
 
AdamZ said:
Just one final question. Is one limited to chatting or IMing with folks using the same IM program ie some one on Trillian send an IM to someone on AIM or Yahoo?
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With AIM or Yahoo, you're limited to another user with the same client. No such issues with Trillian, from what I understand. It talks to all of them.
 
Trillian talks to all of them, but in order to talk to someone on AIM you must have an AIM account, yahoo for yahoo, etc. Trillian just lets you put all that info into it and gives you a consolidated window for contacts. You have to actually set up each account to use, though.
 
jdwatson said:
or if you like your software free:

http://gaim.sourceforge.net/

There's a precompiled Window client. I've been using GAIM for years.
Click to expand...

I too have been using Gaim for years, It is free, open source, and completely clean of any type of advertisements, etc.

It is also cross platform, which is very nice.
 
One other thing: AIM's terms of service do not allow users under 13 (IIRC). This is, I think, wise, for many of the reasons above cited.

Be very very careful with the IM world. The predators are out there.
 
small splitting of hairs here, but technically the use of 3rd party software, such as Trillian to access the AIM or AOL Buddy List violates the AIM and AOL Terms of Service as well.

From time to time, Trillian has to come out with a new version, because AOL finds a way to block connectivity.

Yes I use Trillian. Yes I agreed to the TOS....you gotta pick your battles.
 
In a deal with the NY Attorney General, Yahoo is not going to allow any IM accounts for those under 18.

http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/10/12/2246231&tid=237&tid=17

The other IM hosts have yet to be heard from, but Yahoo and MSN just agreed to interoperate, so if they don't follow suit it's going to get hairy.

AOL may have a way to keep kids segregated as they do in their walled garden but you already know you don't want to install the AOL client. Try using Trillian.
 
Last edited:
AdamZ said:
Ok my 9 yo daughter has been asking me and asking me to load AOL IM or AIM onto our laptop at home. Apparently picking up the phone and calling her friend that lives 3 miles away isn't good enough
Click to expand...

Nooooo Adam; Stop Her Now, before its too late. Don't allow it to propagate at such an early age! Think of her future boyfriends, husband, any male in her life from this point on!!
Females: "The Communication Experts"

:D
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
Nooooo Adam; Stop Her Now, before its too late. Don't allow it to propagate at such an early age! Think of her future boyfriends, husband, any male in her life from this point on!!
Females: "The Communication Experts"

:D
Click to expand...

I know I know Sigh!
 
I was able to refuse until 13.
Now when my 15 arranges something, it's all arranged with all four friends and transportation when we are told. Or, if we're asked to drive somewhere, it's for four girls.
 
there are no "chat rooms" with aim. (not that i know of anyway) as mentioned above it's different than aol's full service. yahoo messenger allows you to link to chat rooms.

chat rooms ( 1 to many ) are very different than direct instant message ( 1 to 1 ) communication. just make a stern rule that no chat rooms are allowed.

if you have the computer in a common area and you don't ignore wht the kid is doing, i don't see how this could be such a bad thing. this is just a modern and efficient way of communicating. it's used in work places and for young or old, it might even build typing and grammar skills.

as with many other things, just use standard caution, but don't let horror stories deprive you of very practical technology.

my vote would be to let the girl talk to her friends on aim. :) if you question who she's talking to, read the message and ask her.
 
Adam,

Our friend's kids, (girls between 10 and 14), use IM all night WHILE THEY ARE ALSO ON THEIR CELL PHONES! Unreal. They're talking and typing simultaenously hyped up on all the gossip about boys, clothes and everything else kids talk about. A lot of it ain't good.
 
Anthony said:
Adam,

Our friend's kids, (girls between 10 and 14), use IM all night WHILE THEY ARE ALSO ON THEIR CELL PHONES! Unreal. They're talking and typing simultaenously hyped up on all the gossip about boys, clothes and everything else kids talk about. A lot of it ain't good.
Click to expand...

Heh, I'll admit to doing the whole cell/IM thing at once. I'll be IMing back and forth with some friends from the airport or other flying friends I've met while talking to girls on the cell. I can't help it.

*Doh*
 
with AIM you can block everyone but for those on your chat list. I recommend it. if I don't use that, I get all sorts of garbage.

I think I've done the same with MSN and Yahoo because I never get spammed there either (it's been a long time since I set them up).
 
with msn messenger, you can set it up to save all messages even after you have clicked it off. I don't know if the others allow for that.
 
woodstock said:
with msn messenger, you can set it up to save all messages even after you have clicked it off. I don't know if the others allow for that.
Click to expand...

Yahoo: Yes
ICQ: Yes
AIM: Can't find it, you can physically save the chat, but I don't think you can automatically.
 
You all have excellent points. Safety is my No. 1 concern. My daughter will ONLY use the IM feature on the laptop in our kitchen. ( where there will be constant supervision by dad or mom. I have not installed it in the basement office computer. We have had a good talk about the creeps out there. I have insisted that all screen names are gender neutral and do not reveal age. Chatrooms are a definite no no ( except POAs of course).

Anthony I hear you loud and clear!! Fortunatly my daugher is a leader and has a good head on her shoulders, she also knows that I won't stand for that Valley Girl crap ( am I dating myself).

Finally I have installed the Trillian programs as some of you have recommened. Trillain seems to be a conduit to several IM programs, AIM, ICO, Yahoo etc. rather than its own IM network. Interestingly I tried to register my daughter for AIM thorough Trillian. AIM would not accept the registration and I am wondering if it is because she is only 9. Anyone know of such a restriction on AIM? Someone posted above that Yahoo won't allow anyone under 18 to register.
 
http://www.aim.com/help_faq/starting_out/registration.adp#age

Q: How old do I have to be to use AIM?
A: You must be 13 years old or older in order to use AIM.
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you have to be 13, just like POA :)
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Click to expand...
 
one new fun thing with MSN MSGR is that you can send voice clips! too cool!

my friend Suzanne and I will talk for a while. then she will put her kid on. LOL
 
woodstock said:
one new fun thing with MSN MSGR is that you can send voice clips! too cool!
Click to expand...

Yahoo now does the same thing although it hasn't been thoroughly tested yet. Something else to consider is webcams. When combined with IM's and when the wrong person is at the other end IMing with an impressionable youngster, sad and inappropriate things can happen. Hence the reason I "quarantined" our webcam. It doesn't sound as though the webcam is a potential problem at this point, but it's something to keep in mind for later on.
 
I have three teenage daughters and if you had asked about IM a year ago I would have advised you against it for many of the reasons cited above, but since then I have learned that one advantage of IM is that it can be a very effective tool for learning what your kids' friends are really like. Since the other kids don't know you are also reading the messages, they tend to say things they would never say in person if you were within ear shot, guys especially. So if my daughters ask if they can go "hang out" with a particular person, the answer will be no if I have read messages from them that have given reason for concern.

Some rules that I have established:




  • The computer (laptop with a wireless connection) stays in the kitchen, livingroom or dining room were it can be monitored.
  • My wife and/or I can read any message we want and if the kids close a window as we walk up to them, they lose IM privileges for a period of time.
  • We insist that the kids type actual words instead of abbreviations (you versus U etc) and use proper grammer so they don't establish poor writing habits.
  • They are not allowed to click on any links that other kids send to them unless I OK it.
  • If they aren't sure of the identity of any person who IMs them, they are to block that screen name.
  • If I or my wife don't like what someone types, that person's screen name is to be blocked.
 
Nav8tor said:
I have three teenage daughters and if you had asked about IM a year ago I would have advised you against it for many of the reasons cited above, but since then I have learned that one advantage of IM is that it can be a very effective tool for learning what your kids' friends are really like. Since the other kids don't know you are also reading the messages, they tend to say things they would never say in person if you were within ear shot, guys especially. So if my daughters ask if they can go "hang out" with a particular person, the answer will be no if I have read messages from them that have given reason for concern.

Some rules that I have established:




  • The computer (laptop with a wireless connection) stays in the kitchen, livingroom or dining room were it can be monitored.
  • My wife and/or I can read any message we want and if the kids close a window as we walk up to them, they lose IM privileges for a period of time.
  • We insist that the kids type actual words instead of abbreviations (you versus U etc) and use proper grammer so they don't establish poor writing habits.
  • They are not allowed to click on any links that other kids send to them unless I OK it.
  • If they aren't sure of the identity of any person who IMs them, they are to block that screen name.
  • If I or my wife don't like what someone types, that person's screen name is to be blocked.
Click to expand...

not bad ideas.. I bought my own computer when I was .. in..5th grade.. So 10 or 11 yrs old. I had it in my room..

Somehow I turned out alright, But I wouldn't allow my future kid(s) someday to do the same.
 
I had the computer in my room growing up too - but the internet was a much smaller and safer world back then. Today, its no place for unsupervised access for a minor or young teen.
 
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