I could really use your help.

Discussion in 'The Book Club' started by steingar, Nov 5, 2008.

  1. steingar

    steingar Taxi to Parking

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    My publisher has expressed an interest in Stationery Flight Part II, Kamikaze. I am quite comfortable with most of the material, but I am still worried about the introduction. I am trying to write something encyclopedic without having it read like an encyclopedia. I was hoping some of you might give it a read and tell me what's wrong with it. Of paramount importance are errors of fact, if I got something wrong. But I would also like to know if it reads well. I figure if pilots can read this and not get too bored I may be on the right track.

    Many, many thanks.
     

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  2. Mtns2Skies

    Mtns2Skies En-Route

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    It looks great! I read it, its mostly informational and scientific yet it still manages to be interesting. I think its pretty cool.
     
  3. John J

    John J Line Up and Wait

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    On My first read I find it very interesting. I will take another read tomorrow. As a writer and yes I did publish a book it took me much tiime for I always wanted to make changes. I did have some folks who were teachers, librarians and non aviation folks take a read at my manuscripts. That really helped me a lot. Working on my next project I am having a nice cross section of folks take a look for I find it really is helpful even have my son's friends take a look.

    Let me know if I can help out and I will read it more carefully tomorrow. You may Pm me if you like

    John J
     
  4. Gary

    Gary En-Route

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    Be happy to give it a read. What is your target audience?

    Gary
     
  5. AuntPeggy

    AuntPeggy Final Approach

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    Is your target audience above the age of 16?

    Notes after reading the first 5 pages:

    "What these two things have in common" - Which two things: space ships and meteors or paper airplanes?

    "Newton makes Elvis look like a fat guy in a suit." - what do you mean by this? It interrupts train of thought with an image not visited again.

    "escht" - is this an English word?

    "All right, we have a reasonably cogent explanation as to why paper airplanes fly..." follows an explanation of drag, not lift.

    "upards" - is misspelled.
    "wirgs" - is misspelled.
    "wannabe" - ?

    "more viscous fluids exert also more drag." - "more viscous fluids also exert more drag."

    "flight into instrument meteorological conditions" - "flight where they can't see well enough" (assuming your target audience is unaccustomed to aviation terms)

    "... 1500 foot/minute descent. Since I had been cruising at 2000 feet ..." - "... very steep descent. Since I had been cruising close to the surface ..." (ditto)

    In general, do you really want to feed into general public fears of flying by emphasizing the dangers of flight?
     
  6. Everskyward

    Everskyward Experimenter

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    I had the same thought. If it's a joke I didn't quite get it either. :redface:

    Also, one correction I have is that Bernoulli has two "L"s...
     
  7. steingar

    steingar Taxi to Parking

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    Thank you all so much. Yes, the Elvis comment was meant as a joke, but I can see what you mean and will remove it forthwith. I will correct the errors you have pointed out and will have this proofread further; my spouse is thankfully a very good proofreader and will be going through the entire manuscript. Nonetheless more eyes are always better, and I really appreciate you efforts. I can only hope that I am a sufficiently talented writer to have given you a pleasant experience reading my work.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2008
  8. tlglenn

    tlglenn Line Up and Wait

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    Avoid use of the phrase, "Of course." I see you already have several comments so I'll wait for the revision before I perform a detailed read.
     
  9. John J

    John J Line Up and Wait

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    Reread it last yesterday; Needs some tightening up; Think of your "audience" and of course with the tightening make your grammer and spelling changes.

    The great thing is that I see a lot of creativity and effort that you have put into this. That is the most important part. The tightening up will the help of others will really help.

    looking forward to seeing the next draft.

    John J
     
  10. Ted

    Ted The pilot formerly known as Twin Engine Ted

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    My comments are as follows:

    It does read like it's an introductory book for people under the age of 16, or else someone who has precisely zero grasp or understanding of science. Such people exist, but it seems best suited for high school students. A number of the jokes in there seem out of place (or rather I just don't get them), but I'm not a very funny guy. :)

    I do not like the use of the term "sophisticated math" with regards to weight and balance calculations. There's no calculus ir differential equations involved, and furthermore it makes aviation in general seem out of reach to the reader. I'd reword it. In general, you also talk about a number of accidents. While you do balance this out some with your "joy of flight" comment, I would remove some of the accident references. There is no need to state excessively, like how the woman walked backwards into the propeller. Let a CFI warn them of what stupid things to not do once they've taken their first flying lesson and gotten hooked, not at this point. Even your joke at the end about 747 turning for noise abatement... first off that's unrealistic, you'd get told to move for traffic, and second that really makes it sound like the clouds are really crowded. We all know that's not exactly accurate.

    It's also somewhat unclear to me whether this is about paper airplanes, or real airlanes. While I get there's some of both mixed in, the purpose of the document is somewhat unclear by reading it.

    Good work overall, hope my comments don't sound too critical.
     
  11. Everskyward

    Everskyward Experimenter

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    I disagree with you here. I think there are many adults who would not automatically understand the scientific principles presented in the introduction. It think if it was any more technical it might turn people off. Remember, these are people who want to build paper airplanes, not real ones. You have a strong scientific background and are probably surrounded by people of similar backgrounds. I don't think that most people would be able to place Sir Issac Newton, and if they did, it would be in relation to an apple or maybe a fig.
     
  12. shywon

    shywon Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Too many errors to mention. Spelling mistakes, non-english or made up words.Have an editor suggest changes.
     
  13. jesse

    jesse Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Exactly. The average high school student is going to know more then the average adult about this stuff. You tend to forget things unrelated to your field with age--and the average american's career isn't exactly very technical in nature.
     
  14. Henning

    Henning Ejection Handle Pulled

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    Sorry, I didn't have the ability to make corrections and modifications to the PDF file, lot's of stuff there. If this is a primer for aerodynamics, you need a professional/technical editor, and you should probably introduce the Bernoulli vs. Newton argument. If this is a book about paper airplanes, you can lose over half the words that are just confusing and distracting.
     
  15. Richard

    Richard Final Approach

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    Ack...city life
    That's right, I've forgotten more than you'll ever learn.:fingerwag:

    Pray tell, Einstein, what enlightening body of knowledge do you possess to allow you to utter such a condescending statement? Pulling it out of your ass doesn't count.
     
  16. jesse

    jesse Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Uhh--Richard--chill. There are plenty of high school students that know more about subjects then I do. The reason? Because they just studied it last night. Will they forget next year? Yup. Just like I did..

    Did I say that they were smarter? No.
    Did I say that they knew anything about the real world? Nope.
    Did I say their knowledge has any real purpose? Nope.

    All I said is that your high school senior that just walked out of Calculus or Chemistry is bound to know a little more about it then the average working American adult.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  17. gkainz

    gkainz Final Approach

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    re: above - which is what Jeff Foxworthy proves every week on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?"