I found this among some papers today. It is dated April 1982.
How to Write "Official" by Gerald Grow.
1. Start with a simple statement: We quit. Why? Nobody knew how to program the computer.
2. Put it into the passive voice, and dilute the responsibility: It was decided to terminate.
3. Expand with terminology that does not add meaning: It was decided to terminate.
4. Build in noun strings: It was decided to terminate project processes.
5. Add a qualifier of uncertain relation to the original statement: On account of the status of the computer, it was decided to terminate project processes.
6. Add noun strings and terminology to the qualifier: On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was cedided to terminate project processes.
7. Separate related words: On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was decided to terminate until a later date project processes.
8. Equivocate: On account of the uncertain status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was proposed and tentatively accepted to terminate until a later date project processes.
9. Obfuscate: Due to uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, proposals were carefully considered and tentatively adopted to suspend temporarily until a later date project processes.
10. Cover your tracks, make yourself look good: Due to unavoidable uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, a number of contingency proposals were carefully considered and one was tentatively adopted to suspend on a temporary basis until a later date those project processes deemed unessential to the expeditious fulfillment of contract requirements.
Dr. Grow originally wrote this lesson to teach his graduate students NOT to write that way. He is an editor at the Center for Educational Technology, Florida State University, Talahassee, FL, 32306.
How to Write "Official" by Gerald Grow.
1. Start with a simple statement: We quit. Why? Nobody knew how to program the computer.
2. Put it into the passive voice, and dilute the responsibility: It was decided to terminate.
3. Expand with terminology that does not add meaning: It was decided to terminate.
4. Build in noun strings: It was decided to terminate project processes.
5. Add a qualifier of uncertain relation to the original statement: On account of the status of the computer, it was decided to terminate project processes.
6. Add noun strings and terminology to the qualifier: On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was cedided to terminate project processes.
7. Separate related words: On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was decided to terminate until a later date project processes.
8. Equivocate: On account of the uncertain status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was proposed and tentatively accepted to terminate until a later date project processes.
9. Obfuscate: Due to uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, proposals were carefully considered and tentatively adopted to suspend temporarily until a later date project processes.
10. Cover your tracks, make yourself look good: Due to unavoidable uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, a number of contingency proposals were carefully considered and one was tentatively adopted to suspend on a temporary basis until a later date those project processes deemed unessential to the expeditious fulfillment of contract requirements.
Dr. Grow originally wrote this lesson to teach his graduate students NOT to write that way. He is an editor at the Center for Educational Technology, Florida State University, Talahassee, FL, 32306.
