How to mess with a telemarketer

My favorite telemarketer exchange:

TM: Can I speak to Steven?
Me: Steven? Uh, he's not here right now. Can I take a message?
TM: Well, I'm calling from [major credit card company] offering him a chance to get an unsecured credit card with a limit of at least $5,000.
Me: You want to give that to Steven? (laugh)
TM: What? This is Steven, isn't it?
Me: No. This is Steven's dad. Steven is 4.
TM: He's 4?
Me: Yeah. Now if you want to give him that card, that's up to you. But I'm not cosigning it and I really don't have space for all the Legos he's going to buy.
TM: Um, well, I don't know how he got on our list. Sorry.
Me: So what's your number? I'll have him call you when he gets home from day care.
TM: (laughs) You have a nice day, sir.
 
You need to find Tom Mabe - Revenge on the Telemarketer. Absolutely hilarious.
 
I took over answering the phone during dinner for such calls around 13. So this has always been a hobby.

One of my favorites:

Me: Hello?
TM: Hi, is this the head of the household?
Me: Yes...
TM: Well sir, we have a gauranteed way to lower your bills, increase your salary, and make more money.
Me: Ooooooh!!
TM: When can we arrange a meeting to discuss our proven methods?
Me: As soon as possible!!!
TM: Great! How about tomorrow evening? We need both you and your spouse to attend.
Me: Oh shoot... She's not available in the evenings.
TM: Oh, well how about in the morning?
Me: Well I work really early...
TM: What do you do?
Me: I make donuts! You should really come in and try them. I just love donuts
TM: Well, maybe we can do it in the middle of the day? Will that work?
Me: Well my wife bartends, she's in at work as early as 2pm usually!
TM: How about around noon?
Me: Well I'm sleeping then!
Tm: Well Sir, I guess this just wont work for you.
ME: (Getting Angry) Well you just wait a minute! You promised me that I could increase my salary, lower my bills, and all through this method! I WANT it!
TM: Ummm...
Me: We'll be free around 3am?

Well you get the point... :)

Or... just be convinced that the telemarketer you're talking to is 'Cindy' your long lost love from high school...
 
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AirBaker said:
Or... just be convinced that the telemarketer you're talking to is 'Cindy' your long lost love from high school...
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Well, I'd change that to Jim or Harry or something, but what a great idea! I can see it now.

TM: "hello, is Mr. Parrish there?" (This is an inside joke, as Parrish is my last name but not my husband's. I'm the principal breadwinner, so we get this a lot, since my name is out there more. My husband takes great umbrage, but his comeback is always, "I'm sorry, there's no Mr. Parrish at this house." <click>)
Me, in a whisper: Oh, wow. Is this Jim? Hang on, hang on! I've got to switch phones. <put phone down, pick it up a minute later> Jim, I can't believe it's you. God, i've missed you. My husband is such a bastard. What are you doing nowadays? Are you married?

etc., etc., with the odd, "oh you can't fool me, Jim, I've been dreaming about your voice" thrown in when the TM protests.

Of course, if it's a woman, I guess I can't use that. But I could start screaming about her being Marcia and to get out of my husband's life, you whore of a home wrecker.

But I probably won't do any of these things. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that it's just some poor schmuck (can women be schmucks?) trying to make a living with brains that can't handle anything more advanced than telemarketing. I'd rather have them doing that than cluttering up the welfare rolls.

Judy
 
Heh. One of those deals I guess.

People need jobs. I know quite a few people that do it, infact they make more money then I do.

They didn't really design the concept.. They just go to work and do what they get paid to do. For that matter though I think they expect it.

Not exactly a fun job though.
 
I got a call from an obnoxious one today. Claimed to be from a "foundation" so as to avoid the "no call" list. It is one of those organizations that sells censored "family friendly" movies, etc.

Besides trying to sell movies, he was looking for support in their effort to get Federal legislation to censor Hollywood and TV so we will be forced to choose from "family-friendly" fare instead of making our own decisions.

He wanted to talk to the "lady of the household" (and I think he was perturbed when I did my best falsetto and claimed to be just that). He also didn't like it when I asked why he didn't think I could judge for myself what I should watch in either the theater or the privacy of my home.

So obnoxious he even called back after I hung up on him. I was waiting for a client to call.

Beuth-ole.
 
wsuffa said:
I got a call from an obnoxious one today. Claimed to be from a "foundation" so as to avoid the "no call" list. It is one of those organizations that sells censored "family friendly" movies, etc.

Besides trying to sell movies, he was looking for support in their effort to get Federal legislation to censor Hollywood and TV so we will be forced to choose from "family-friendly" fare instead of making our own decisions.

He wanted to talk to the "lady of the household" (and I think he was perturbed when I did my best falsetto and claimed to be just that). He also didn't like it when I asked why he didn't think I could judge for myself what I should watch in either the theater or the privacy of my home.

So obnoxious he even called back after I hung up on him. I was waiting for a client to call.

Beuth-ole.
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If you have enough info, report his a** at donotcall.gov

DirecTV just got nailed with a $5 million fine for this sort of thing.
 
Judy, you're funny! Those are better than my "they were killed in a horrible car crash right in front of the house 10 minutes ago" or "sure let me get this lady's credit card number now that I found her purse in this godforsaken confusing house with too many locks to jimmy, oh crap, the cops I'm outta here, CLICK" routines.
Dragging them along with the just now dead relative routine is too much fun. You can actually make them cry if you do it right.

The real question of the day is how do you stop them from leaving messages on your answering machine? I get at least 40-50 a week that yack on for up to a minute and I'm torquing off the relatives since I just walk in and push delete all button without listening to them.
 
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fgcason said:
The real question of the day is how do you stop them from leaving messages on your answering machine? I get at least 40-50 a week that yack on for up to a minute and I'm torquing off the relatives since I just walk in and push delete all button without listening to them.
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That's an easy one, Frank. Just shut off the answering machine. If you really delete them without listening to them, what's the point?

Tell the relatives to call your cell if they want to leave messages.

-Skip
 
Skip Miller said:
That's an easy one, Frank. Just shut off the answering machine. If you really delete them without listening to them, what's the point?
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That's what I did. Annoying as all get out though. It defeats the purpose of communication devices. I wish we could selectively charge incoming calls like 900 numbers are supposed to be able to do. (Annoyance call push pay-up button $500/minute 90 minute minimum charge regardless of length of call)

Skip Miller said:
Tell the relatives to call your cell if they want to leave messages.
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My cell phone is sitting right next to my GPS which is in the highly polished Lockheed 12A that I don't have either. :dunno:
 
fgcason said:
That's what I did. Annoying as all get out though. It defeats the purpose of communication devices. I wish we could selectively charge incoming calls like 900 numbers are supposed to be able to do. (Annoyance call push pay-up button $500/minute 90 minute minimum charge regardless of length of call)



My cell phone is sitting right next to my GPS which is in the highly polished Lockheed 12A that I don't have either. :dunno:
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A friend's message first says, "if this is a solicitation call of any type, hang up now and delete our name from your list" then you can leave a message as usual on the tape. He says it has actually been quite effective.
 
fgcason said:
That's what I did. Annoying as all get out though. It defeats the purpose of communication devices. I wish we could selectively charge incoming calls like 900 numbers are supposed to be able to do. (Annoyance call push pay-up button $500/minute 90 minute minimum charge regardless of length of call)



My cell phone is sitting right next to my GPS which is in the highly polished Lockheed 12A that I don't have either. :dunno:
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I've called two people reciently from my work phone (ID blocked or unknown) and I can't get throug. I get a message that says somthing likt "that this number blocks calls from unkown numbers, please say your name now and we'll ask if we can put it though."

I don't know how they did it...

Missa
 
Missa said:
I've called two people reciently from my work phone (ID blocked or unknown) and I can't get throug. I get a message that says somthing likt "that this number blocks calls from unkown numbers, please say your name now and we'll ask if we can put it though."

I don't know how they did it...

Missa
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In Bell South land, this is an option from the phone company.
 
fgcason said:
My cell phone is sitting right next to my GPS which is in the highly polished Lockheed 12A that I don't have either. :dunno:
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How is cell coverage in your area? You may want to ditch your land line telephone and go cellular only. Telemarketers do not yet have access to cell numbers. And Motorola makes a spiffy docking station that will connect your cell to your home wiring so incoming and outgoing calls can be made from any wired phone in your house.

-Skip
 
MSmith said:
If you have enough info, report his a** at donotcall.gov

DirecTV just got nailed with a $5 million fine for this sort of thing.
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They'll claim they're a non-profit, and they're exempt.

Besides, who in the administration wants to take on a "family" organization these days?

Politics. Bah.

Missa said:
I've called two people reciently from my work phone (ID blocked or unknown) and I can't get throug. I get a message that says somthing likt "that this number blocks calls from unkown numbers, please say your name now and we'll ask if we can put it though."

I don't know how they did it...

Missa
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Phone company offers it as an option. Something like $3.00 per month down here. They get you coming and going.

https://swot.sbc.com/swot/telcoProductDetail.do?productOfferId=11191
 
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Easy fix: cellphone only and don't answer anything that says "Restricted" or "Unknown". My landline is only used for the house alarm and as a backup to my high-speed Internet (which I've never needed and now my spiffy new PPC-6700 from Sprint allows use as a EVDO modem via USB :) ).
 
Skip Miller said:
How is cell coverage in your area? You may want to ditch your land line telephone and go cellular only. Telemarketers do not yet have access to cell numbers. And Motorola makes a spiffy docking station that will connect your cell to your home wiring so incoming and outgoing calls can be made from any wired phone in your house.
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I didn't know they had connection hardware like that. That might solve one of the potential problems when I move if there are no land lines in the immediate area.

For the first 6 months after I move, I insist on no phone at all on principle. Lets see them torture me when the phone is in the closet with the wire wrapped around it. :p Neener neener neener. :p
 
I was getting calls a while back saying they were from 'Maxim Magazine.' While I used to subscribe, they never had number. Especially since its billed under a different name.

When asking for their company name, they'd just hang up on you.
 
I just lay the phone down while they're talking and walk away. Let
them pay the long distance.
 
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