We took off for a straight out departure for the first few legs of the simulated X-country portion before joining our Victor Airway and on lift-off the FAA examiner popped the usual door but, also "accidently" jerked the chart enough that it flew outside into the slipstream! I figured, "I'm not going to fall for him tricking me into starting out on a cross-country with no chart." He then pretended to get sick with the dry heaves as I turned a precautionary crosswind and then we actually hit an air pocket and he did puke up quite a bit with the bumps, asking repeatedly for a sickbag which I gave him while turning onto the downwind. He kept saying, "Just fly normally and treat me like a passenger. Sorry about the puke stink, I'll light a match..." but the whole matchbook caught on fire with considerable sulphorous smoke.
I opened my window to vent the smoke and stink out but the breeze blew the sticky sickbag down onto the cockpit floor and blew the flaming matchbook into his crotchal area as I turned onto base. Like many others in the heat of summer, he'd worn khaki shorts for coolness but the exposed skin was in quite a bit of pain from second degree burning at that point and I had to hit his crotch with a blast from a little canister of Halon from my flightbag, I don't know, maybe that wasn't necessary because of all the wet puke, but best to be sure, for safety. He was now making quite a bit of noises altogether like coughing, gaging, spitting up vomit and yelling (but no cussing cause he was FAA) -all mixed up.
I knew to expect distractions and by now I'm thinking, "Man, this guy's GOOD!" I can also tell you that I NEVER smelt anything like it at that point. Then as I turned onto final he sort of spasmed up all rigid like and quit making noise, except his legs were spasmed straight out onto the rudder pedals and he was grasping at his throat and chest. He was a pretty big ol' boy too, so I had to reach over and sort of bang upwards on the back of both his knees with my right fist to unlock his legs from blocking my rudder pedals.
He had a lot of years on his airframe too, so to speak, and I figured it was no check ride drill anymore and a real honest to goodness cardiac arrest at that point and was reaching for the mike to radio for an ambulance on short final when he said, "OK, go around and we'll finish the checkride." Altogether a pretty standard checkride and then later on after the flight he gave me my temporary IFR rating.
Hope this helps, and good luck, we're all counting on you....
