Friday Humor - Aussie Airline

A jumpercable walked into a bar, and asked for a beer. The bartender said "OK, I'll serve you, but don't try and start anything."
 
confusion does not "rein" (not usually, anyway, unless you have a someone with the IQ of a cucumber on a horse)...it "reigns".

but...it was amusing nevertheless.

terry
 
terzap said:
confusion does not "rein" (not usually, anyway, unless you have a someone with the IQ of a cucumber on a horse)...it "reigns".

but...it was amusing nevertheless.

terry
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Well then, it seems like you're just the one I'm looking for. The letter W is sometimes a vowel. Problem is right now I cannot recall in which words that is true and it's killing me. Help me.
 
This was a reprint from an Australian/English paper. The English english use rein both ways. You also should have picked up on "practise" which of course in American english is practice.

It was very funny.

Chris
 
Bill Jennings said:
A jumpercable walked into a bar, and asked for a beer. The bartender said "OK, I'll serve you, but don't try and start anything."
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Celine Dion walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "why the long face?"
 
Richard said:
Well then, it seems like you're just the one I'm looking for. The letter W is sometimes a vowel. Problem is right now I cannot recall in which words that is true and it's killing me. Help me.
Click to expand...

"W" is a vowel in Welsh. If you speak Welsh you won't have too much of a problem.

Bora da!

heeheehee
 
etsisk said:
Celine Dion walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "why the long face?"
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Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "does this taste funny to you?"
 
Bill Jennings said:
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "does this taste funny to you?"
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Blind guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "want to hear a blonde joke?" Bartender says, "ok, but I'm a blond, the waitress is a blond, the police officer having lunch at the table behind you is a blond and the bouncer, she's a blond, too. You still want to tell that joke?" Guy says, "no - not if I'm going to have to explain it four times!"
 
etsisk said:
Blind guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "want to hear a blonde joke?" Bartender says, "ok, but I'm a blond, the waitress is a blond, the police officer having lunch at the table behind you is a blond and the bouncer, she's a blond, too. You still want to tell that joke?" Guy says, "no - not if I'm going to have to explain it four times!"
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A blonde was speeding down the freeway, and got pulled over by a blonde police officer. The officer asks the blonde for her drivers license. She doesn't have any, so the officer asks for a picture ID. The driver pulls out her compact, opens it up, looks in the mirror, and says, "Yep, that's me", and hands it to the blonde officer. The blonde officer looks into the compact, "Gee, ma'am, if I'd known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
 
An Irishman walks out of a bar...



Hey! It could happen!
 
Cannibal Mother yells at her son: "Stop playing with your food!"
 
A blonde needs money so she decides to pull a kidnapping. She snatches a boy from the school yard and writes a note saying "if you want to see him again, put $50,000 in a bag under the bushes by the schoolyard gate. signed: A Blonde".

She gives the kid the note and tells him to give it to his mother.

The next day she goes to the school yard, looks under the bush and there's the bag with the money. Inside is a note saying, "How could you do this to another blonde?!?"
 
Richard said:
Well then, it seems like you're just the one I'm looking for. The letter W is sometimes a vowel. Problem is right now I cannot recall in which words that is true and it's killing me. Help me.
Click to expand...


Cwm (a steep-walled semicircular basin in a mountain, sometimes containing a lake; a cirque) and crwth (an ancient Celtic musical instrument), both from the Welsh, use w as a vowel — standing for the same sound that "oo" stands for in boom and booth. Crwth is also spelled "crowd."
 
etsisk said:
"How could you do this to another blonde?!?"
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What's the first thing a blonde says when she finds out she's pregnant?

"Is it mine?"
 
A blonde was seen walking along the North river bank looking around for something.

On the South river bank was another blonde watching her. Concerned, the blonde on the South river bank cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted to the blonde on the North side.. "What are you looking for?"

The blonde on the North side stopped what she was doing and shouted back.. "I'm looking for a boat or bridge because I need to get on the other side of the river".

The blonde on the South side shouted back to the North side blonde.. "You're already on the other side of the river!"

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Dakota Duce

"May All Your Flights Be of Good Weather!"
 
A rope goes into a bar. He walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender refuses, saying "We don't serve your kind. You're a rope!"

The rope, dejected, walks out of the bar and sits on the curb, sobbing. Another rope walks by and asks what's wrong.

"That jerk of a bartender wouldn't serve me a beer because I'm a rope."

"What? That can't be! Let me try," the other rope says. Sure enough, he walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer.

"We don't serve your kind, you're a rope!" the bartender tells the 2nd rope. The rope, visibly upset, swears out the bartender and returns to the rope sitting on the curb outside the bar.

"I can't believe it!" he shouts, and starts crying in outrage.

A third rope walks by and asks what's wrong.

"That jerk won't sell us a beer!" the 2 ropes cry out together. "He doesn't like ropes!"

The third rope gets very upset. "He can't do that to us! I'll show him!" and with that, he throws a tantrum, and starts rolling around in the street. He rolls around so much that he winds up tieing himself into a knot. He continues rolling around and winds up fraying the ends of himself.

"Now check this out!"

The third rope walks into the bar, and walks up to the bar tender. "I understand that you wouldn't serve my friends a beer because they are ropes. I demand that you sell me a beer!"

"Well," the bartender starts, "aren't you a rope, too?"

The rope looks the bartender dead in the eyes and says "No. I'm a frayed knot."
 
Guys: Here's a good one that will win you points with the wifey.

"Honey, I bought you something today. It's (color) and will do 0-200 in under 5 seconds."

When she asks what it is, reply with "A bathroom scale."

:yes:
 
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