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JB1842

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Josh
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So my wife decided to put her phone where I put mine at in the morning. I grabbed it by mistake. Now I have full access to her Facebook. Anybody want to help me with her status updates today?
 
Probably a good opportunity for you to get rid of her boyfriends.
 
Don't post something so outrageous that her friends will get suspicious that someone has her phone. Enough to raise some eyebrows but most people will buy it.

You might pick a celebrity and post a string of updates obsessing about him/her. Queen Latifah is one I always pick on.

Clowns are good too, because they are weird and no one really likes them. Maybe a mime would work too. "OMG, I just love clowns. They are so funny" Followed an hour or two later by "Ha, look at this (picture) clown!"

Just watch. Her friends will all think its weird but no one will say anything to her about it. Then for christmas - birthday - whatever someone gives her a painting of a clown, or some other clown paraphernalia.
 
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JB1842 said:
If I didn't post anything, she would think something was wrong with me.
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A string of status updates, narrating her morning routine (i.e. took shower, sat on thrown...). It will be sure to impress her friends. Full disclosure; I am divorced.
 
dell30rb said:
Don't post something so outrageous that her friends will get suspicious that someone has her phone.

You might pick a celebrity and post a string of updates obsessing about him/her. Queen Latifah is one I always pick on.
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Well, if you are going to do that, Justin Bieber would be the obvious.
 
More tips

iPhone - you can use the 'shortcuts' feature to autocorrect certain words that she types in to whatever you want. For example one of my friends traded in his nice truck for a very small BMW (the one women usually buy) and we set his phone so that whenever he typed in 'car' it autocorrected to 'tiny, tiny BMW'

Always good to change the ringtone to the stupidest possible ringtone. Or download a really gay song to be the ringtone. Justin Beiber as previously mentioned would be fine. You might also consider an old backstreet boys song, or some really explicit gangster rap. The sky's the limit.

Another good one - after you've done all this damage, change the phone language to Chinese. Be sure you memorize the menus so you can set it back to english later, before she shoots you.
 
My wife's friends have already figured out that I am posting. They are encouraging me. My latest post was, "I wish people would take random pictures of their junk with my phone." I can neither confirm nor deny that this is taking place.
 
JB1842 said:
My wife's friends have already figured out that I am posting. They are encouraging me. My latest post was, "I wish people would take random pictures of their junk with my phone." I can neither confirm nor deny that this is taking place.
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I hear the prestigious law firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe are great divorce attorneys...:)
 
JB1842 said:
My wife's friends have already figured out that I am posting. They are encouraging me. My latest post was, "I wish people would take random pictures of their junk with my phone." I can neither confirm nor deny that this is taking place.
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I would definately take some random pictures, a wall clock, a dirty car, anything that is just ordinary and comment on how special it is.
I assume with her having your phone, she can't access your Facebook account, right?
My kids like to mess with my wife's Facebook, but for some reason don't bother with mine, I am not sure if it's a sign of respect or the fact that I support the little boogers. :D
 
N747JB said:
I would definately take some random pictures, a wall clock, a dirty car, anything that is just ordinary and comment on how special it is.
I assume with her having your phone, she can't access your Facebook account, right?
My kids like to mess with my wife's Facebook, but for some reason don't bother with mine, I am not sure if it's a sign of respect or the fact that I support the little boogers. :D
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Her friend is emailing her updates. It's getting to the point I won't be able to post the updates on here.
 
Ah you should have just changed her status to single and waited to see who offered penis.
 
I did this to my wife one time. I took a pic of a urinal and posted "I need instructions on how to use this".
 
N801BH said:
I hear the prestigious law firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe are great divorce attorneys...:)
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The renowned Hong Kong law firm of Yung, Dum and Fulcombe practice in workplace harrassment defense.
 
JB1842 said:
So my wife decided to put her phone where I put mine at in the morning. I grabbed it by mistake. Now I have full access to her Facebook. Anybody want to help me with her status updates today?
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You been talking to my sister and brother-in-law?
They do that to each other all the time
:rolleyes2:
 
"My husband's pleasure is my highest priority" went over very well.
 
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