Customs trouble

This wouldn't work at many airports since they don't staff all CBP offices at airports. For example, KIAG is where I crossed last time. I talked to the officer a bit over the phone when I announced my arrival the day prior and he said they don't actually have any staff at the airport. If they know someone is due to arrive there (hence the call ahead request with ETA), they will send someone either from the land border or from KBUF. I know a lot of the airports of entry along the Canadian border operate in similar fashion where they'll either send an officer from the land border or a nearby larger airport if there is one.
Yep. I cleared US customs from Canada once at Lubec ME, a 2,000 foot grass strip with literally nothing else there other than a windsock. I did so because Eastport ME, were I usually cleared, wasn't open on the weekends. I called ahead, gave my ETA and all was good. Left Halifax and made the flight (IFR, complete with an approach into Eastport and a 4nm VFR run at pattern altitude) over to Lubec. I landed, and just as I shut down the CBP officer pulled up in his SUV. He had no idea the airstrip, just a few miles down the road from the Campobello Island border crossing where he was working that day, existed. I'm not sure if he was new, or normally worked another crossing, but I got the impression that a lot of these smaller AOEs are rarely used.

All of that said, we communicate our arrival intention through eapis. After filing we get a clearance message. I agree with others that a phone call is superfluous since we've already had two-way communications.
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Ok, I'll play devil's advocate here. On my Bahamas trip last month, I filed my EAPIS to come back on Friday. Weather wasn't great, so we pushed to Sunday. (Weather still wasn't great, but that's beside the point). There is no way to amend/cancel the EAPIS filing, so if this was one of those AOEs where they have to send somebody, then they would have showed up at the AOE for no reason. When you call, they know that you are planning to use that filing. If they eliminate the call-ahead, they also need to make the EAPIS filing amendable.
Cleared customs through FPR from the Bahamas this past Saturday. Knew we planned to leave the Bahamas before customs opened for the day, so called the afternoon before. Got an email with entry clearance about 30 seconds after I hung up with the customs officer. It's a dumb procedure for sure, and the call ahead seems really unnecessary for a always-staffed office like FPR (unlike those that do have to send an officer), but it's an easy enough rule to comply with most of the time.
So let me get this straight.... you have to call US customs before takeoff while you are in a foreign land....even after you've submitted paperwork online. OK, got it.

Is it even conceivable that there may be no cell coverage at the airport of departure and no available landline?
No doubt South Bimini is no longer this way, but the last time I was there (not flying myself GA) I was on a SCUBA trip. This was a long time ago, in the days before everyone had a cell phone. There was not even a telephone on South Bimini where we were staying...and where the airport was.
It's likely not that way now on Bimini, but I'd imagine there are still some places in the Bahamas where there's a little airstrip that may be off the grid.

Possible to talk with anyone in the air, to meet this requirement?
It used to just be an email before you flew back to the US. I have no idea why they added the call requirement back.
I cleared in at KFPR last Sunday. The only issue that I am having right now is the assignment of a landing time.

I have to basically hope that the CBP officer will agree with my landing time since I have already filed the request. When we landed there were 3 jets on the ground dumping off passengers so I get it. It didn't help that it was raining either.