Chuck Norris - The Aviator

[LeonardMack]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]CHUCK NORRIS: The Aviator

Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board

A hung start is not a concern for Chuck Norris, he has always been hung.

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.

When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short

Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.

A precautionary approach according to Chuck Norris is sneaking up on someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly into headwinds...the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.

Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.

Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles

When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.

Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his helicopter, walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse kick. No one points at Chuck Norris...no one.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously

Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is still recovering from his injuries.

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

Crew-served weapons are not safe until Chuck Norris takes his hand off of the trigger.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once

Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris' legs

Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.

Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flight path

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the hole he just made.

Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.

Chuck Norris doesn't have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris was told he was number two for landing. He immediately went to guns and shot the preceding aircraft. Chuck Norris does not follow anyone.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

It is not advisable to use your heads up display when flying with Chuck

Norris, a round house kick to the face hurts a lot less with your head down.

When asked for a time hack, Chuck Norris replied, "Two til". The other pilot said "Two til what". Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the face by a lightning fast round house kick.

A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.

Chuck Norris' aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your expression the moment before he kicks your face in.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris

If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him to remove his foot from your throat.

Chuck Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyone else to speak louder.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.

A sonic boom is the sound of Chuck Norris smacking you in the face telling you to slow the hell down.

Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of Pain

Getting acute with Chuck Norris will be your last mistake.

There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; Chuck Norris will always be there.

Violate the 12 hour bottle to throttle rule and Chuck Norris will enforce the 12 hour bottle to face rule.

Chuck Norris has never missed a takeoff time, Chuck Norris never misses anything.

Chuck never forgets; he is like an elephant....he has a huge d%$#

Forrest Patton has a plan to land a 747 on the side of a mountain. Chuck Norris has executed that plan.

No one knows what Chuck Norris' side number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.

There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged Chuck Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have
been unable to find any who have challenged him.[/FONT]

 

[steingar]

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term, Jupiter.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

 

[Dave Krall CFII]

Very funny, TKS.

BTW above: One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical t.........????

 

[tonycondon]

chuck norris got into a number of testicles contest with Lance Armstrong. Chuck won by 4