Sac Arrow
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,356
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
Display name:
Snorting his way across the USA
So I get in to work this morning, zero dark thirty, and there’s only a couple other people in the office. I log in to my computer, settle in to reading emails, and….
Bzzzzzzzzzz
Fly! Dammit. Right in my face. I swat him off. Get back in to it. As soon as I hit “reply”….
Bzzzzzzzz
Okay, this has to stop. I search for a fly swatter. Of course we don’t have one. I grab the Oakland Tribune, roll it up and head back in to my office. I’m debating internally, do I close the door and contain the problem, or do I leave the door open in an attempt to drive the fly out if I can’t kill it?
Bzzzzzz Whap! Smash!
Missed. The fly, not the glass framed professional credential, which now needs new glass. Task 1 for admin when they get here.
Fly disappeared. Maybe he got the hint. I’m halfway in to the original email reply and deeply in to my train of thought, when….
Bzzzzzzz
Okay where is the bugger. I see him, he buzzes my head, then he disappears. Whenever I stand up with the paper ready, he hides. When I sit down, he attacks. I’ll bet the intern placed that fly in here just to F with me. Three more iterations of this and I decide to switch game plans.
A quick canvas of the kitchen area reveals several options. The array of large butcher knives featured in previous donut threads is probably overkill if not ineffective. What would Bashar Al-Assad do? Of course! Chemical attack!! Now, I REALLY don’t want to fill my office with Raid fumes, and there is in fact a couple cans of such under the sink. I want to be a greener, even if not gentler Bashar. Hmm… a spray bottle of Fantastik. I’m thinking I can blast him with a few pumps of that, and it should incapacitate him sufficiently that I can finish him off with the physical weapon fashioned out of outdated print news media. And, I can clean my office at the same time! Yay!
Bzzzzzzz he lands. Fizzz! Fizzzz! POP!!
Uh oh. That wasn’t good. Okay why did my computer screen go blank. Oh, the UPS shorted out. Mental note to self, don’t apply chemical means of attack to mission critical electronic equipment. Task 2 for admin (more specifically, some sort of IT guy) when they get in.
Bzzzzzzz Fizzz! Fizzz! Success! Fly is aviating erratically, as if disoriented in IMC. I chase him out of the office, and apply a couple more pumps. Direct hit. He lands on the carpet and starts walking around. WHAP!
Damage assessment:
Bzzzzzzzzzz
Fly! Dammit. Right in my face. I swat him off. Get back in to it. As soon as I hit “reply”….
Bzzzzzzzz
Okay, this has to stop. I search for a fly swatter. Of course we don’t have one. I grab the Oakland Tribune, roll it up and head back in to my office. I’m debating internally, do I close the door and contain the problem, or do I leave the door open in an attempt to drive the fly out if I can’t kill it?
Bzzzzzz Whap! Smash!
Missed. The fly, not the glass framed professional credential, which now needs new glass. Task 1 for admin when they get here.
Fly disappeared. Maybe he got the hint. I’m halfway in to the original email reply and deeply in to my train of thought, when….
Bzzzzzzz
Okay where is the bugger. I see him, he buzzes my head, then he disappears. Whenever I stand up with the paper ready, he hides. When I sit down, he attacks. I’ll bet the intern placed that fly in here just to F with me. Three more iterations of this and I decide to switch game plans.
A quick canvas of the kitchen area reveals several options. The array of large butcher knives featured in previous donut threads is probably overkill if not ineffective. What would Bashar Al-Assad do? Of course! Chemical attack!! Now, I REALLY don’t want to fill my office with Raid fumes, and there is in fact a couple cans of such under the sink. I want to be a greener, even if not gentler Bashar. Hmm… a spray bottle of Fantastik. I’m thinking I can blast him with a few pumps of that, and it should incapacitate him sufficiently that I can finish him off with the physical weapon fashioned out of outdated print news media. And, I can clean my office at the same time! Yay!
Bzzzzzzz he lands. Fizzz! Fizzzz! POP!!
Uh oh. That wasn’t good. Okay why did my computer screen go blank. Oh, the UPS shorted out. Mental note to self, don’t apply chemical means of attack to mission critical electronic equipment. Task 2 for admin (more specifically, some sort of IT guy) when they get in.
Bzzzzzzz Fizzz! Fizzz! Success! Fly is aviating erratically, as if disoriented in IMC. I chase him out of the office, and apply a couple more pumps. Direct hit. He lands on the carpet and starts walking around. WHAP!
Damage assessment:
- Broke glass document frame
- Inop UPS unit
- Damaged newspaper
- All purpose cleaner mess on walls, carpet and fake plant
- Loss of approximately 30 minutes of productivity
- Kill count: 1 fly
..
