BIL is gonna die

SkyHog

SkyHog

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My brother in law, whom is an "interesting" guy that I have had some issues with in the past (that may be putting it lightly) is going to die.

He's a heavy drinker. 33 years old, and right now, he's sitting in a hospital, bright yellow, and being told that he won't be getting a liver because he drank himself into the situation he's in.

Unfortunately, my sister will be the one that suffers at his hands (yet again), as will the kids. I never wished death upon him, but I sure wished my sister would find a way away from him before he killed her (as he had tried on a number of occasions in the past, including the time he choked her near to death because she didn't do the laundry before he got home from partying with is friends).

Interesting that this is what will fix the problem, as sad as that is to say.

BTW - he is REALLY yellow. Its bizarre.
 
I lost my brother in law about two weeks ago to brain cancer, but he was one of the good guys. My condolences to your sister and her kids for their loss (even if he didn't bring a lot to the table).
 
Sorry to hear that the situation was so bad. It can only get better from here on.
 
Sorry to hear that, Nick.

Lost a friend a number of years ago to cirrhosis. He refused to give up alcohol and go into a rehab/treatment program, and they refused to put him on a transplant list unless he agreed to enter a program. Died at less than 45. Wife was devastated (she was a nurse & couldn't convince him).
 
Jaundice is pretty scare to see in person. Sorry to hear about this since it was preventable.
 
Sorry to hear this, been there

I highly recommend Al-Anon for you and especially the family involved here. It should be easy to find the nearest meeting, it really does
help a lot.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
 
Congratulations?

I have a family friend who is a great woman - she drank a quart of vodka a day for the last 18 months - then finally - her husband had enough and tossed her into rehab for a month - she looks a LOT Better now - but he tells us she has permanent liver damage. Still looks ok though - how much booze do you have to drink to kill your liver in only 23 years? I'm assuming he was not drinking at 6 . . .
 
comanchepilot said:
Congratulations?

I have a family friend who is a great woman - she drank a quart of vodka a day for the last 18 months - then finally - her husband had enough and tossed her into rehab for a month - she looks a LOT Better now - but he tells us she has permanent liver damage. Still looks ok though - how much booze do you have to drink to kill your liver in only 23 years? I'm assuming he was not drinking at 6 . . .
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He's 33, they figured about 9 or 10 years of heavy drinking...
 
Got sick on the stuff. Cost me 12 days in the hospital. Haven't touched it since.
 
SkyHog said:
He's 33, they figured about 9 or 10 years of heavy drinking...
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thats just amazing . . . only a decade. While there are guys out there who 70 and been drinking a 12 pack a day for literally decades . . .
 
comanchepilot said:
thats just amazing . . . only a decade. While there are guys out there who 70 and been drinking a 12 pack a day for literally decades . . .
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It depends on the swill. Think Nicolas Cage in "Leaving Las Vegas".
 
Men who drink that much and abuse their wives and family seem to have one trait in common, serious insecurity. Sorry about the suffering he is causing your family and, not coincidentally, you but the theory of intentional stupidity is at work here.

If a man is that stupid and ends up dead from it, he brought it on himself. Sort of thinning the herd.
 
Similar situation in our family. He started in Jr. High, died at age 50. Turned yellow and bloated a couple years earlier.
 
Lost a guy I grew up with the same way, we were close in elementary and middle school then separated, going to different high schools. We still talked occasionally, run into each other at the store etc. Fast forward until May 2010 and I see on Facebook what I thought was a post about his death. It turned out he wasn't dead, but damn close.:no: I had no idea he had a drinking problem, but he had locked himself in his house for a year or so and was drinking all day. I visited him in the hospital and it was as ugly a sight as I have ever seen.:yikes: He was yellow, swollen and could barely speak when I went to visit, he lived another week or so, but that picture had a profound impact on me, that was a horrible way to die! July will be 3 years since I've had a drop of alcohol.
 
N747JB said:
Lost a guy I grew up with the same way, we were close in elementary and middle school then separated, going to different high schools. We still talked occasionally, run into each other at the store etc. Fast forward until May 2010 and I see on Facebook what I thought was a post about his death. It turned out he wasn't dead, but damn close.:no: I had no idea he had a drinking problem, but he had locked himself in his house for a year or so and was drinking all day. I visited him in the hospital and it was as ugly a sight as I have ever seen.:yikes: He was yellow, swollen and could barely speak when I went to visit, he lived another week or so, but that picture had a profound impact on me, that was a horrible way to die! July will be 3 years since I've had a drop of alcohol.
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My grandmother ended up the same way having never been a drinker. Autoimmune attacks on her liver kept it compromised and the high power antibiotics needed to kill her MRSA also killed her liver
 
It's a horrible situation, Nick. I've watched too many people drink themselves to death.

I'm sorry you're sort of in the middle of it, because it's as unenviable a position as there is. But I'm also glad you're there for your sister and her children.

Stay strong.

-Rich
 
Nick that is tough. My Brother and Sister in law just lost a friend at 42 to the exact same situation. She left a husband and two young daughters. Is this Erin's father?

I hope that your family heals quickly.
 
SkyHog said:
My brother in law, whom is an "interesting" guy that I have had some issues with in the past (that may be putting it lightly) is going to die.

He's a heavy drinker. 33 years old, and right now, he's sitting in a hospital, bright yellow, and being told that he won't be getting a liver because he drank himself into the situation he's in.

Unfortunately, my sister will be the one that suffers at his hands (yet again), as will the kids. I never wished death upon him, but I sure wished my sister would find a way away from him before he killed her (as he had tried on a number of occasions in the past, including the time he choked her near to death because she didn't do the laundry before he got home from partying with is friends).

Interesting that this is what will fix the problem, as sad as that is to say.

BTW - he is REALLY yellow. Its bizarre.
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Dying at 33 from excessive drinking.... and a wife beater to boot.... Sounds like real prized catch...:no::no::nonod:...
 
AdamZ said:
Nick that is tough. My Brother and Sister in law just lost a friend at 42 to the exact same situation. She left a husband and two young daughters. Is this Erin's father?

I hope that your family heals quickly.
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Thankfully, its not Erin's father, although he is a massive drinker as well (except he's reformed and I believe currently dry for a few years).
 
N801BH said:
Dying at 33 from excessive drinking.... and a wife beater to boot.... Sounds like real prized catch...:no::no::nonod:...
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You don't know the half of it - there was once a post here that was very intelligently deleted by the MC (thank you, BTW), that detailed an experience where I was sitting in my house with a 9MM strapped to my hip, hoping he didn't decide to come through on his promise to come murder me.

The reason? Because I called my sister at 8:30PM and interrupted his time with the family to discuss how excited I was over the Christmas presents I had bought for her kids.

There will be no tear shed from me for his loss, only for the impacts the loss will have on his family.
 
Sounds like a real peach! I do feel sorry for the kids, for two reasons, losing their father and having a such a bad father to beging with. :mad2:
With any luck your sister will eventually find a great guy that will help her raise her kids in a loving home! :D
If she's like my S-I-L she will find another guy EXACTLY like this one, marry him and try to fix him too!!:mad2::mad2:
SkyHog said:
You don't know the half of it - there was once a post here that was very intelligently deleted by the MC (thank you, BTW), that detailed an experience where I was sitting in my house with a 9MM strapped to my hip, hoping he didn't decide to come through on his promise to come murder me.

The reason? Because I called my sister at 8:30PM and interrupted his time with the family to discuss how excited I was over the Christmas presents I had bought for her kids.

There will be no tear shed from me for his loss, only for the impacts the loss will have on his family.
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N801BH said:
Dying at 33 from excessive drinking.... and a wife beater to boot.... Sounds like real prized catch...:no::no::nonod:...
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Not trying to take this thread in a weird direction but my sister was a battered wife and it eventually killed her because we couldn't help her against her will. What we discovered as a family through a great deal of counseling was that allowing yourself to be beaten is as much an illness, if not more, as being the abuser. I know it's hard to hear, but the abuser is sick, too. I'm not excusing the actions of the man that was married to my sister or this gentlemen, but there can be an underlying condition that is not being treated and at best it's trying to be numbed by the alcohol. In my bil's case, it was child abuse and incest. Most men are conditioned to suppress that stuff that's way down in there and as a result, those closest, the immediate family, or inner circle suffers greatly. Not in all instances, though. Sometimes, it's just a coward taking his frustrations out on the defenseless.

I'm sorry to hear about the damage this ordeal has done to your sister and her kids.
 
The real tragedy is that at this point, he's already a little encephalopathic. The kids will never quite understand why or that the DAD didn't have to be the way he is, judegement not right, etc.

More items to avoid, on my wish list for spouses for my daughters
sigh.....
 
We joke about a local guy, just turned 91 I think, that he is living proof that smoking and drinking won't kill you! He smokes Pall Mall, unfiltered cigarettes and has since he was 15 years old, was drinking a gallon or so or bourbon a week and chasing women well into his 70's, maybe his 80's! He had a lung removed 8-10 years ago, he smokes half as much now!:yikes:
Great guy, worked hard all his life and was very successful in business. not the abusive guy like the OP's B-I-L, just like to drink everyday. :dunno:
comanchepilot said:
thats just amazing . . . only a decade. While there are guys out there who 70 and been drinking a 12 pack a day for literally decades . . .
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Sorry for you Nick. Sorry for his wife and kids. They need help and counseling. Al-Anon never worked for me, but I still recommend it to others. Give them a non-judgmental place to come and weep. It will take years--maybe a lifetime.
 
I never updated this. He's alive. Apparently his body decided to fight. What the ****.

Long story: he was denied a liver transplant due to his severe alcoholism, unless he could stay dry for 6 months or longer. He was told he only had but a few months tops to live. In that time, he tried multiple states, and all said the same thing. His bilireuben counts were insane, and he got really puffy and bloated.

Then, one day, his liver started working. The doctors have no idea what happened, or how, but he was now no longer eligible for transplant because the liver was functioning as expected.

He has long term damage due to the atrophy that kicked in, and he had broken his ankle at some point as well, which did not heal properly. He's been dry for a long time now, and I think he'll live a fine, albeit shortened, life.

He's not that bad a dude now, since he sobered up and realized how close he came to death. The kids keep their dad, and he's actually pretty good to them.

He's still a piece of **** that I wish nothing but the worst in life for, but he pulled through, and his kids will keep their dad for a while. Amazing.
 
Does drinking yourself to death count as suicide statistically? That may explain suicide being the #6 most common way to die.
 
There's the same amount of alcohol in a beer as there is in a shot of whiskey. ( approx) so it's easy to see how someone can do themselves in in ten years. Usually an addict also lies about how much they drink daily so it's almost impossible to tell. Addiction has little to do with intelligence which is why so many truly gifted people have died of drugs or booze, or smoking. Thru rehab thousands upon thousands of very productive people gave returned to lead decent settled lives including hundreds of airline pilots, doctors, teachers, etc. etc.
 
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SkyHog said:
I never updated this. He's alive. Apparently his body decided to fight. What the ****.

Long story: he was denied a liver transplant due to his severe alcoholism, unless he could stay dry for 6 months or longer. He was told he only had but a few months tops to live. In that time, he tried multiple states, and all said the same thing. His bilireuben counts were insane, and he got really puffy and bloated.

Then, one day, his liver started working. The doctors have no idea what happened, or how, but he was now no longer eligible for transplant because the liver was functioning as expected.

He has long term damage due to the atrophy that kicked in, and he had broken his ankle at some point as well, which did not heal properly. He's been dry for a long time now, and I think he'll live a fine, albeit shortened, life.

He's not that bad a dude now, since he sobered up and realized how close he came to death. The kids keep their dad, and he's actually pretty good to them.

He's still a piece of **** that I wish nothing but the worst in life for, but he pulled through, and his kids will keep their dad for a while. Amazing.
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Thanks for the update.....

I was supposed to turn yellow 20 years ago and bite the bullet.... So far, I am dodging the grim reaper.....:yes::redface:..

Ps... I miss Dr Bruce..... Wish he would come back..:yes:
 
Knew a pastor friend who needed a liver transplant he was yellow like you say really scary looking. Fortunate for him (unfortunately for the donor and her family, a young girl I was told) he is pushing 80 now after about 25 or 30 years since the transplant.

I am sorry for the heartache this will cause your sister and her kids. I have to agree that it is wise not to give transplants to people who bring it on themselves (and likely will continue in their ways) when there are others who by no fault of their own need an organ and can't get one.

ETA: Guess I need to read all the way through. :eek: Glad to see he has come around hope the other issues get sorted as well.
 
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Sorry for the family. It is what is is.
 
murphey said:
Unnecessary comment and not funny.
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Disagree on the second part. I laughed aloud. The internet has made me callous.

I wonder if the hospital would be able to get him a liver if he didn't cop to the alcohol. Clearly they'd know what was what, but this sort of refusal seems like it'd bring paperwork and the need for proofs before just telling him newwwp, kthxdie.

Is Doc Bruce off pouting somewhere again? That dude is hilarious. I'd have enjoyed his prohibition-era tirade and finger-waggle on this one.
 
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