AggieMike88
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2010
- Messages
- 20,803
- Location
- Denton, TX
- Display Name
- The original "I don't know it all" of aviation.
- Home Airfield
- KDTO (Denton Enterprise)
It appears that, according to this FBI notification, I have $10.500, 000.00 coming to me.
(yes, I know this is spam, but let's have some fun, mmm'kay?)
I've inserted my comments into the email as a different color and in italic font. And the formatting in this post is as close to what I received in my email.
===================================
DO NOT PRINT /FORWARD THIS MAIL ITS AGAINST THE LAW
This e-mail, including any attachments, is covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 10 U.S.C. 2510-2521
[Oh crud... I already hit CNTRL-P before I read the top of the page. I guess I'm guilty and you need to slap the cuffs on me.]
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2013
http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/executives/director
Your attention is needed immediately
[With an introduction that impressive, I'm at attention like a raw recruit on the first day of boot camp!]
We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities [I'm going to receive $10.500, 000.00?? Now I can by that fleet of C152's I always wanted!! But wait, isn't something supposed to be in that number string? Maybe another zero after the comma? Could I really have 10.500,0000.00 coming to me??] [But I also gotza question... when did the FBI get directly involved in a global intelligence monitoring network. I thought that was the CIA and NSA's line of work??]
We sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of a certified mail, phone call or a face-to-face conversation,We will also send you a certified email later it is due to the urgency and importance of the security information needed. [Wait a sec... the grammar in that sentence is a bit off... is the FBI hiring out of work princesses from Lagos for the steno pool?] To checkmate financial recklessness, illegal gambling, racketeering [Oh yeah, I've seen some of those old dudes at the park with that clock they keep slapping and the funny game pieces. Your so right that they shouldn't be trusted.] and considering the effect of the global financial crisis rocking the United States, [Nice John Mellencamp reference!] our government with the help of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I) Washington, DC and the internet crime complaint center (ic3),alongside the CIA signed an agreement with U.K police for an immediate release of all overdue funds presently logged in their treasury and to ensure it is disbursed to the rightful beneficiaries in all parts of the world. If you the beneficiary would adhere to our instruction it will help you receive your payment immediately [Ahh, let's see what I need to do to get my money]
The bank knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to make this payment from any part of the world to your account directly, [Huh?? If the bank is of size to handle my $10.500, 000.00, why can't it have the facilities to make the payment to any part of the world?] used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.d.t.p) method to make the payment. direct transfers are difficult and secret diplomatic transit payment (s.d.t.p) are not usually made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities and we ask why must your payment be made in a secret transfer if your transaction is legitimate.
[Honey, you said at the beginning I was a beneficiary. Now you're accusing me of being a terrorist and that I am an original party to a terrorist transation?? How dare you!]
[Oh, and sorry about that (s.d.t.p) usage. See, at my company, I'm the (v.p), and very much a (v.i.p). And since I didn't want to announce this large sum at the (p.c), I wanted to keep it on the (q.t). 'Cause if it leaked to the (v.c), I could wind up (m.i.a), and then you'd all be out in (k.p)]
We do not want you to get into trouble [Whew!! That's a relief!] as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account. [I did not know that! The entire FBI has a duty to correct little financial problems. Good to know!]
we advise you to contact us immediately, as your funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, [Now I'm confused again. The money is in the FBI's custody? I thought the treasury controlled by the U.K. police had my $10.500, 000.000?] until you are able to provide us with the dist certificate [See, PoA buddies, this is why I need a dist certificate I mentioned in the thread title.] within 3 days from the country that authorized the transfer to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free [I read somewhere that no money is absolutely drug free. With so much of the American currency coming into contact with bills horded by the cartels, every Benjamin, Grant, or Jackson has some trace of cocaine or heroin on it. Maybe I can request to money to be allergy free.] or we shall have cause to impound the payment and subsequently prosecute you for cross border terrorist financial activites. [There you go again, accusing me of being a terrorist!!! And we haven't even met in person! What's wrong with giving me a kiss first? Hmmm? Why not start me off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight to calling me a terrorist like a bull at the gate! Give me a kiss!! (ahem... sorry... I was channeling John Cleese for a moment)]
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts ["Touts?!? WTH is a tout?] who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. [Yeah, them miscreants, hoodlums, and touts are very naughty indeed. They must receive a good spanking!] By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay. [So lemme see if I understand that last sentence. To get my $10.500 000.00 without further delay, I need to send you a fraudulent email without your official logo and emblem. Got it.]
Note
We decided to contact you directly by email to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the huge amount involved. Be informed that the funds are now with a top bank in the united state in your name and under the monitoring/custody of the FBI. [Again with the location confusion! Are you even sure where the money is? Is it in the U.K. police controlled treasury or on this side of the pond? I'm sorta losing faith that this email is even legit! At the moment, we have asked the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we instruct them to do so, and only if we receive the dist certificate this is to enable us carry out a comprehensive investigation first before releasing the fund to you. [So, you need the dist certificate to start the investigation... okay (writes that down)]
hence, [Wait, you didn't capitalize "hence". You did that before. Well, I guess if I'm going to channel John Cleese, you're permitted to channel e.e. cummings.] you are to forward your dist certificate to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it, then let us know so that we will direct you to the appropriate authority to obtain the certificate then you are to send it to our office. [Do I need to do this in 3 days? How do I file for an extension?] And thereafter, we will instruct the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately. If you fail to provide the documents to this office, we will prosecute you and take appropriate action against you for not proving the legality of the funds. [WHOA!!! So it's either get the dist certificate, and the money, or your going to throw me in jail??!!!?!!! I guess I only got 3 days to die my eyebrows whtie and to pull a Phil Shifley!"
Finally if you truly want to receive this funds without F.B.I troubles then reconfirm the following below
Name………………………………………………….
Address………………………………………………..
Sex………………………………………………………
Age.....................................................................
Contact number………………………………………..
Country of origin of funds……………………………..
Yours Faithfully
SPECIAL AGENT (admin division)
Colleen M. Conyngham [Ahh!, nice to meet you, your former Lagosian Highness]
(BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111)
FOR FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S MUELLER
cc: general intelligence department (GID)
cc federal bureau of investigation (fFBIi)
cc .internet crime complaint center (ic3)
cc: Asia pacific group on money laundering (APG)
cc: international monetary fund (IMF)
cc: international organization of securities commissions (IOSCO)
cc: international banking security association (IBSA)
cc: world customs organization (WCO)
cc: inter-American development bank (IADB )
cc: national white collar crime center (NW3C)
cc: bureau of justice assistance (BJA)
cc: supreme court of South Africa(SCA)
[Thank god we got enough electrons to share this email with everyone on that list!
(yes, I know this is spam, but let's have some fun, mmm'kay?)
I've inserted my comments into the email as a different color and in italic font. And the formatting in this post is as close to what I received in my email.
===================================
DO NOT PRINT /FORWARD THIS MAIL ITS AGAINST THE LAW
This e-mail, including any attachments, is covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 10 U.S.C. 2510-2521
[Oh crud... I already hit CNTRL-P before I read the top of the page. I guess I'm guilty and you need to slap the cuffs on me.]
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2013
http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/executives/director
Your attention is needed immediately
[With an introduction that impressive, I'm at attention like a raw recruit on the first day of boot camp!]
We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities [I'm going to receive $10.500, 000.00?? Now I can by that fleet of C152's I always wanted!! But wait, isn't something supposed to be in that number string? Maybe another zero after the comma? Could I really have 10.500,0000.00 coming to me??] [But I also gotza question... when did the FBI get directly involved in a global intelligence monitoring network. I thought that was the CIA and NSA's line of work??]
We sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of a certified mail, phone call or a face-to-face conversation,We will also send you a certified email later it is due to the urgency and importance of the security information needed. [Wait a sec... the grammar in that sentence is a bit off... is the FBI hiring out of work princesses from Lagos for the steno pool?] To checkmate financial recklessness, illegal gambling, racketeering [Oh yeah, I've seen some of those old dudes at the park with that clock they keep slapping and the funny game pieces. Your so right that they shouldn't be trusted.] and considering the effect of the global financial crisis rocking the United States, [Nice John Mellencamp reference!] our government with the help of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I) Washington, DC and the internet crime complaint center (ic3),alongside the CIA signed an agreement with U.K police for an immediate release of all overdue funds presently logged in their treasury and to ensure it is disbursed to the rightful beneficiaries in all parts of the world. If you the beneficiary would adhere to our instruction it will help you receive your payment immediately [Ahh, let's see what I need to do to get my money]
The bank knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to make this payment from any part of the world to your account directly, [Huh?? If the bank is of size to handle my $10.500, 000.00, why can't it have the facilities to make the payment to any part of the world?] used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.d.t.p) method to make the payment. direct transfers are difficult and secret diplomatic transit payment (s.d.t.p) are not usually made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities and we ask why must your payment be made in a secret transfer if your transaction is legitimate.
[Honey, you said at the beginning I was a beneficiary. Now you're accusing me of being a terrorist and that I am an original party to a terrorist transation?? How dare you!]
[Oh, and sorry about that (s.d.t.p) usage. See, at my company, I'm the (v.p), and very much a (v.i.p). And since I didn't want to announce this large sum at the (p.c), I wanted to keep it on the (q.t). 'Cause if it leaked to the (v.c), I could wind up (m.i.a), and then you'd all be out in (k.p)]
We do not want you to get into trouble [Whew!! That's a relief!] as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account. [I did not know that! The entire FBI has a duty to correct little financial problems. Good to know!]
we advise you to contact us immediately, as your funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, [Now I'm confused again. The money is in the FBI's custody? I thought the treasury controlled by the U.K. police had my $10.500, 000.000?] until you are able to provide us with the dist certificate [See, PoA buddies, this is why I need a dist certificate I mentioned in the thread title.] within 3 days from the country that authorized the transfer to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free [I read somewhere that no money is absolutely drug free. With so much of the American currency coming into contact with bills horded by the cartels, every Benjamin, Grant, or Jackson has some trace of cocaine or heroin on it. Maybe I can request to money to be allergy free.] or we shall have cause to impound the payment and subsequently prosecute you for cross border terrorist financial activites. [There you go again, accusing me of being a terrorist!!! And we haven't even met in person! What's wrong with giving me a kiss first? Hmmm? Why not start me off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight to calling me a terrorist like a bull at the gate! Give me a kiss!! (ahem... sorry... I was channeling John Cleese for a moment)]
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts ["Touts?!? WTH is a tout?] who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. [Yeah, them miscreants, hoodlums, and touts are very naughty indeed. They must receive a good spanking!] By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay. [So lemme see if I understand that last sentence. To get my $10.500 000.00 without further delay, I need to send you a fraudulent email without your official logo and emblem. Got it.]
Note
We decided to contact you directly by email to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the huge amount involved. Be informed that the funds are now with a top bank in the united state in your name and under the monitoring/custody of the FBI. [Again with the location confusion! Are you even sure where the money is? Is it in the U.K. police controlled treasury or on this side of the pond? I'm sorta losing faith that this email is even legit! At the moment, we have asked the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we instruct them to do so, and only if we receive the dist certificate this is to enable us carry out a comprehensive investigation first before releasing the fund to you. [So, you need the dist certificate to start the investigation... okay (writes that down)]
hence, [Wait, you didn't capitalize "hence". You did that before. Well, I guess if I'm going to channel John Cleese, you're permitted to channel e.e. cummings.] you are to forward your dist certificate to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it, then let us know so that we will direct you to the appropriate authority to obtain the certificate then you are to send it to our office. [Do I need to do this in 3 days? How do I file for an extension?] And thereafter, we will instruct the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately. If you fail to provide the documents to this office, we will prosecute you and take appropriate action against you for not proving the legality of the funds. [WHOA!!! So it's either get the dist certificate, and the money, or your going to throw me in jail??!!!?!!! I guess I only got 3 days to die my eyebrows whtie and to pull a Phil Shifley!"
Finally if you truly want to receive this funds without F.B.I troubles then reconfirm the following below
Name………………………………………………….
Address………………………………………………..
Sex………………………………………………………
Age.....................................................................
Contact number………………………………………..
Country of origin of funds……………………………..
Yours Faithfully
SPECIAL AGENT (admin division)
Colleen M. Conyngham [Ahh!, nice to meet you, your former Lagosian Highness]
(BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111)
FOR FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S MUELLER
cc: general intelligence department (GID)
cc federal bureau of investigation (fFBIi)
cc .internet crime complaint center (ic3)
cc: Asia pacific group on money laundering (APG)
cc: international monetary fund (IMF)
cc: international organization of securities commissions (IOSCO)
cc: international banking security association (IBSA)
cc: world customs organization (WCO)
cc: inter-American development bank (IADB )
cc: national white collar crime center (NW3C)
cc: bureau of justice assistance (BJA)
cc: supreme court of South Africa(SCA)
[Thank god we got enough electrons to share this email with everyone on that list!
Last edited:
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