Afraid to fly

Rose2012

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Rose2012
Hi everyone. I'm hoping I can get some advice besides, "throw in the towel".

I'm a very lapsed pilot. It's been over 10 years since I did any really flying. I finally decided it was something I wanted to do and have logged about 15 hours this past month. Unfortunately, I white knuckled every single one of them. My instructor is about to sign off my BFR and I know I am nowhere near ready to be out on my own. I know this is a common situation and I know the answer is usually "fly more". But in my case, I'm not sure that'll help.

I am afraid of getting lost. I am afraid of not knowing what to say on the radio. I am afraid something will come up that I don't know how to handle. I was kind of surprised at how easy it was to start landing again but that's literally the only thing that's come easily.

How can I regain my confidence? Besides flying more? Because that's not working.

PS - the really sad part is the FAA found it fit to give me a flight instructor certificate, years and years ago...kind of thinking of surrendering it...
 
Rose,

First of all, your honesty and openness with such an issue is very impressive.

There was an article in AOPA I think, about a year or year and a half ago about a high time pilot that had flown lots in IMC and done all sorts of things and ALL OF A SUDDEN when in the clouds one day started worrying about what would happen to his family if anything happened to him. He shook when he got on the ground and refused to get back in the pilot seat.

The article went through all the details of his long journey back to being cool and confident in the cockpit again. I don't remember the details, but it sounds as if this article might be very worthwhile reading for you.

Also, there are a few really experienced, savvy and helpful flight surgeons that hang out in the Medical Factors section of this forum. I'm sure that posting there would be very worthwhile.

All the best of luck and I hope you keep flying. I think you will get past this.
 
Just some ideas...

Sit in the right seat and ride along with someone for a while? Would that help get your head back in the game without being overwhelmed? You can navigate, or do the radio work, or... without the pressure of being responsible for the safety of the flight.

Plan ahead - write down what you are going to say before you touch the PTT switch -write down some "fill in the blanks" for the expected response.

A GPS makes it a lot easier to get found than back in the old days (Ten years isn't long, try 30). Nothing wrong with getting a little help until your map skills come back.

Has your flight reviewing included cross countries / different airports? Or have you been pounding out trips around the pattern?

Find a new instructor?
 
I wasn't as nervous as you sound when I returned to aviation, but there was definitely a newer older person's perspective and nervousness when I did.

I decided to force myself to re-trace the early days, grabbed a copy of the PTS, and headed out to the practice area. Steep turns, stalls, MCA, etc... to re-wire those old tracks In the brain, which also probably has the effect of waking up related tracks of emotional value, confidence, feeling like there's a goal/purpose, etc.

I didn't wander too far off with XCs at first, until Inwas sure I could pass a Private checkride again performance-wise.

So maybe one trick isn't just to say "fly more" but to fly with a purpose. Re-build those original checkride skills and confidence.

Take a CFI or two or a trusted pilot friend along if it makes you feel better.

Add in some "missions", take a pilot friend along and have a goal to navigate yourself to somewhere with a nice airport restaurant for lunch on a nice day, etc.
 
I am afraid of getting lost.

Buy a GPS. Better yet, buy two. So much for getting lost.

I am afraid of not knowing what to say on the radio.

Who cares? They're only controllers.

I am afraid something will come up that I don't know how to handle.

Push in the throttle and deal with it at altitude.

I was kind of surprised at how easy it was to start landing again but that's literally the only thing that's come easily.

If you can land you got it beat. Something happens you don't like, find a field and land.

How can I regain my confidence? Besides flying more? Because that's not working.

You have to convince yourself that you can do these things. Your fear is irrational, the sooner you realize that the sooner you can beat it.

PS - the really sad part is the FAA found it fit to give me a flight instructor certificate, years and years ago...kind of thinking of surrendering it...

If you must you must, but honestly, the airplane won't bite you. It probably won't even fail you despite it's age. These days things are way easier. Navigation is a no-brainer, wx forecasts are really good, and you can get radar in the cockpit for when they aren't. And the best thing? They're the same damn airplanes you've been flying all along!
 
So maybe one trick isn't just to say "fly more" but to fly with a purpose. Re-build those original checkride skills and confidence.

Take a CFI or two or a trusted pilot friend along if it makes you feel better.

Add in some "missions", take a pilot friend along and have a goal to navigate yourself to somewhere with a nice airport restaurant for lunch on a nice day, etc.

I really like this idea. I keep telling my husband we need to fly here or there and that doesn't make me nervous like the idea of just flying around does. Unfortunately I don't have any pilot friends but maybe I'll have to amp up the search for some a little bit.

I do have the radio scripts handy but somehow freeze when I key the switch. I did go through this during my private training and honestly, getting my instrument was the only cure. So I know I can get through that part, but it's slow going.

As far as the checkout, we've been hitting lots of airports and it's not even very busy airspace. I used to instruct in Chicago and Dallas, so this little Class C airport shouldn't even be an issue - but it is. It doesn't help that I'm new to the area so I'm clueless as far as landmarks go. Most of my flying back when was IFR anyway, so the idea of pilotage gives me a panic attack. No, not literally, please no comments on me not getting a medical.

It's so embarrassing to admit to anyone that I don't know anything and am afraid I can't hack it. In college, I was flying approaches to minimums at night and while I know a lot of that was me being young and stupid, I have to wonder what the heck happened to all my confidence. I need some back!
 
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a trusted pilot friend along if it makes you feel better.

:yeah that: I got my PPL in April 2012. I know I'm legal to fly solo but I don't like it. Fortunately neither does my husband (IFR) and so we do trips together. I feel 100% more confident with just another pilot next to me. It's like I have a safety net/another pair of eyes watching out for airplanes or can help if I need help.
 
Rose:
I had nearly the same issues you have. I flew a lot back in the late 70's and early 80's.
I stopped flying until 2010.
I almost did the the whole thing over. The technology and airspace among other items were different.
I fear getting lost too. I fear talking to ATC, I fear asking the wrong questions, then I move from my familiar Florida to Texas. At least in Florida, if you got t a shoreline you could make a 50/50 shot of going the right way.
What I have done here in Texas is find airports that are 10, 20 30 and 40 miles from my home base. I started flying to those airports paying attention to all the landscape around my home base. This built my confidence I could find the airport in the day. I am now doing the same thing at night, not straying too far at time.
As for talking on the radio, i would talk in my car while driving. I would tell "atc" I was 10 miles from exit such and such and then say, could you please repeat. This helped me a lot.
Sounds like you have identifed issues. And anytime you identify something it is solvable. You can do it.
Lynn
 
Where are you generally based? I think all of us here will admit that we found a number of local pilot friends through places like PoA.

If you're not too embarassed to say where you are, I bet there's a few PoA folks somewhere near you who'd meet up for a fly-in lunch somewhere.

We're all crazy enough and enjoy each other's company that many of us will fly halfway across the country a few times a year when we can, just to see everyone again.
 
I really like this idea. I keep telling my husband we need to fly here or there and that doesn't make me nervous like the idea of just flying around does. Unfortunately I don't have any pilot friends but maybe I'll have to amp up the search for some a little bit.
...

You're making some pilot friends now - here on PoA!

Chances are there are some PoAers near you ... Where are you located?
 
In Texas? or La, Al, Fla? All Gulf Coast. We have a hotelier here (on PoA) from Texas that runs an aviation themed hotel that would love to have you at his place.
 
I am reminded of a doc i saw recently on vets of the Chosin battle in Korea... one of the guys wS talking about PTSD and how he coped when so many of his buddies fell apart. his secret was "you dont wanna start thinking too much." A different situation, but its good advice for anyone with cold feet. He also had high praise for group therapy, where your peers spill their guts... always good to "admit you have a problem."
You are in good company, as i also started flying after a few years off and scared the hell out of myself with sheer worry. Got over it quickly, but still, i know that feeling, that thought process.
I second the notion thT you might fly a while with someone you trust as PIC, but mostly just to keep an eye on you, and comment on what youre doing right as well as what you might do wrong. The fact that you won't just give up indicates that the key is there somewhere.
 
Radio... listen to LiveATC.net. Get a portable, and listen to local traffic. There are some great handhelds for $200, or much less used on Ebay. I like the idea of pretending to talk to tower while you're driving.
 
PS - the really sad part is the FAA found it fit to give me a flight instructor certificate, years and years ago...kind of thinking of surrendering it...

No point in that -- your flight instructor certificate expired after two years.
 
I see many pilots, especially new pilots struggle with the radio because they get confused and tongue ties trying to sound professional. If you and somone esle were sitting together would you be able to talk to them as if they were a contoller? That is all you have to do on the radio, Tell them who you are, where you , what you want. Remember they are just another person on the other end of the radio. DOn't worry about if you are saying the exact right thing. My last student I had practice talkin gto me like I was a controller, just sitting there talking, then when got in the plane, I had her do the same thing, talk to me jbut just press the transmit button, it got a whole lot better from there.

Getting lost, use what you know, VOR, GPS, and Air traffic conroll will help you if you tell them you need assistance.

Don't let fear beat you out of something you enjoy to do, and you know you can do!
 
There were two things that really did away with mike fright for me:

(1) I heard PAO Tower make a bunch of mistakes. Like clearing me for the option while I was waiting in sequence for takeoff.

(2) Every once in a while, a controller shows a sense of humor. Like Monday, I was flying westbound from Truckee with flight following from Oakland Center, and the controller asked for a traffic report on I-80. It was terrible and he knew it. I told him I was happy to be at 9000 feet.

Don't think of these guys as faceless Men In Black. They are humans like the rest of us, and just want to communicate.
 
Who you're calling, who you are, where you are, and what you want. Four W's. Covers 95% of aviation radio calls. They'll prompt you if they want more.
 
Talk to your flight instructor, See if he has some spare time to just fly with you at a reduced rate, just go check out some new airports or have lunch. I often do this at a very minimal rate simply because they aren't required to take me along, they just feel more comfortable having another pilot/flight instructor in the other seat. I get to go a lot of places I would not normally go because I do this.

If your flight instructor isn't up for it see if he knows some other flight instructors, pilots or even advanced students that would like to just ride along with you and double check what you doing. You get someone to back you up and they get to practice their radio/navigation skills. There are lots of pilots that can't afford to fly as much as they would like and would be happy to fly right seat with you.

Maybe even an experienced pilot with medical certificate issues that just needs someone to be PIC.

Also from you ID I am guessing you are a female pilot, if you aren't already familiar with them, see if there is an active 99's group in your area. They may help you find some pilots that would like to fly with you.

Brian
CFIIG/ASEL
 
I've kept it.

As in you renewed it?

I agree with others the best way get your confidence back is to just get in a plane and fly with others. Offer to fly as a safety pilot...it's a safe way to ease back into things while keeping your eyes out the window to learn the local landmarks, and your ears open to get the feel for radio work. Trust me, your confidence will build as you observe other pilots flub a line on the radio (everyone does it eventually).
 
Rose, find a lady CFI and hit the road on a cross country. Take one of those newfangled handheld GPSs with you. You trained in the age before them, and your VOR and ADF skills will never leave you.

This is the BEST time of year to do this; go someplace you always wanted to- ASHVILLE (Vanderbilt's place), First Flight, include Throwed rolls (Lambert's Cafe in Sikeston, MO), HAVE FUN.

Have a great time because you are going to live this CFI for a week. At the end you will not have a doubt. "Get out of the lab" and go do it. It's still there!
 
Rose, find a lady CFI and hit the road on a cross country. Take one of those newfangled handheld GPSs with you. You trained in the age before them, and your VOR and ADF skills will never leave you.

This is the BEST time of year to do this; go someplace you always wanted to- ASHVILLE (Vanderbilt's place), First Flight, include Throwed rolls (Lambert's Cafe in Sikeston, MO), HAVE FUN.

Have a great time because you are going to live this CFI for a week. At the end you will not have a doubt. "Get out of the lab" and go do it. It's still there!

This.

We had a student in our club who works as an importer to south america. One day he needs to delivery a 172 to Argentina...so, Pre-solo, he asked his CFI is they could ferry the plane together. Today, he is one of the most confident pilots we have because he did a 50+ hour cross country across islands, oceans and two continents.

You don't have to fly to Argentina. But get out and fly somewhere that will take all week to get there and back. Take a CFI and fly to the Grand Canyon and back. It is the most spectacular thing I can think of. Spend the night and fly home. By the time you've done that, you're not going to be shy anymore.
 
Rosie? As in Rosie the Riveter? The "Can Do" lady? :eek:

I don't want to hear anymore of this "can't do" talk.

Buy a Garmin GPS, learn how to use it, find a mission, and you go girl. :D


:wonderwoman:
 
Rose, just a note on the mike-fright. I had it big time when I was training. I dreaded making those calls. Two things cured me. 1) A trip to tour the local control tower. (I found out they weren't such scary monsters after all!) 2) An ASA book by Bob Gardner that a CFI recommended to me, "Say Again Please". It gives you every scenario of tower (and non-towered) communication in every kind of air space. It was invaluable.

Hang in there - a certain amount apprehension is normal when starting (or re-starting).
Be persistent, keep pushing yourself forward despite your fears and eventually you'll overcome them and get through it.
 
Oh and one more thing - Do you have an iPad? If so, download and subscribe to ForeFlight. It is a wonderful tool to help get you where you want to go.
 
When I was a kid, I was afraid of horses. How could those giant animals allow us puny humans to crawl up on their backs and ride them? Over the years I have owned over 20 and have two of the most wonderful paso fino horses that my wife and I ride every where. I would have missed out on a lifetime hobby had I given in to my initial fear.

I used to be afraid of motorcycles, the traffic, no protection, capable of such high speed. Then about 10 years ago I bought a beginner bike, took safety courses, now 1/2 a dozen bikes later, I own one of the worlds fastest sports touring bikes and have logged nearly 100,000 miles touring the country.

Then 6 years ago a friend invited me to go flying in his 172, now 250 hours later and having owned a 203 172 I am shopping for another airplane. And never in a 100 years did I ever see myself in a small plane. If had been any one but my good friend David inviting me to fly that day I would have been too scared to fly in "one of those?".

Sometimes it is that little amount of respect / fear we have for our endeavors that keep so many others from even trying it that make it do much fun for us, that make us feel so ALIVE! Those jitters we must overcome to be safe, on a horse, on a motorcycle or piloting an airplane. Don't fret the experience, embrace it and thank God you are still alive and healthy enough to enjoy the activity.
 
Early fear was for me a healty risk management flag. It reminded me I was doing something that could be dangerous and a signal to me that I needed to make sure I knew what I was doing. I agressively go after and train on everything that gives me pause, under safe conditions (with an experienced CFI).

I'm more affraid in high speed traffic when another driver 10 ft away is on the phone. He can often be in my space within seconds, and he's not even paying attention!
 
Be like Nike. Just Do It.

Seriously, it's just a thing and it's a thing you already know. Get in the saddle and cowboy up.
 
Well, it happens.

I have been an avid snow skier my entire life. I am pretty good at it, and at the point where if I want to challenge myself, if I fall, will most likely kill me.

When I was in my 20's, I would ski under these conditions all the time. Today, you could not catch me anywhere near those areas.

While skiing the blacks is like walking, it's about all the challenge I am willing to take. I am done dropping off 30 foot shelves.

You get older, and what used to be an acceptable amount of risk changes. You can fix it two ways. Take less risk (what I do with skiing), or recognize what you're doing is less risky then you currently perceive it to be.

I think flying is probably safer then you think it is, and I would start there. Find inventive ways to mitigate your concerns. Talk on the radio more. A good way to do this, is pattern work at a towered airport. You get to talk a lot, and don't really go anywhere.

When I go up, I tell them I am a student pilot. They know from the plane anyway, but I think when I tell them, they realize I am telling them for a reason (I am worried about screwing up). Now when I am in my downwind leg, I just hit the button and say what I need to say to ask for the option. Not sure when it became something I didn't worry about doing, but somewhere along the way it did.

As far as getting lost, I have a flight simulator that I like to use. If I know I am going to go to a new practice area, I fly there first on the simulator. I know what airports I plan to go to on my cross countries. For those, I have flown there in the simulator, so I know what the expected lake is going to look like at 5500 feet, and what the hills look like.

Try whatever you need to do, to make yourself more comfortable with it. If that doesn't help, you can do what I did with skiing, and just not do it.
 
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When I was in my 20's, I would ski under these conditions all the time. Today, you could not catch me anywhere near those areas.

Side-track....

No jumps because of his knees, but dad still skis double-black stuff and is now in his 60s.

The funniest afternoon was when I heard him go by in heavy moguls yelling, "I'm too old for this ****!!!!"

Hahaha. Awesome.

He says and I agree that he's in FAR more danger from completely out of control skiers and moreso, snowboarders hitting HIM these days, on Intermediate runs, than he is banging through trees, at his skill level.

I don't ski enough to keep up with him for long, but he started teaching me when I was 8. I can hold my own.

I just can't justify a season pass and $70 for lift tickets is rediculous. Especially since Karen refuses to ski.
 
Side-track....

No jumps because of his knees, but dad still skis double-black stuff and is now in his 60s.

...

He says and I agree that he's in FAR more danger from completely out of control skiers and moreso, snowboarders hitting HIM these days, on Intermediate runs, than he is banging through trees, at his skill level.

Yea, that's what I hold myself to now. Go to 1:48 of this video. When I was 20, I would have done that. Not today.. no way.


It's the same reason you never see old long jumpers. It takes a special kind of crazy to do that, and old people don't possess it.
 
2)An ASA book by Bob Gardner that a CFI recommended to me, "Say Again Please". It gives you every scenario of tower (and non-towered) communication in every kind of air space. It was invaluable.

This book was a big help to me.
 
Hi Rose. I am surprised to see someone as humble, honest and forthcoming as you. What a nice thing to "meet" you and how refreshing on this forum where so many times I see people figuratively beating their chests and bragging (between the lines) about how great they are. Welcome to the board and welcome back to flying. We need you!

As far as your apprehension, a few years ago I did a lot of things that I am apprehensive about now. I think it has to do with getting older :). Even simple things like climbing up on the roof on a ladder. No wonder you are apprehensive about flying, knowing how unforgiving it can be. I think you need to cut yourself a little slack. Take you time and enjoy it. Stay in the pattern and gradually widen out your zone of comfort until the old Rose and her confidence come back. A lot of good advice here, and as Dr. Bruce said, the newfangled gadgets we have now make getting lost almost a non-event.
 
Thanks to everyone for their support. I suspected part of this is just getting older and wiser, but dang, I wasn't I wasn't so wise sometimes.

The GPS suggestions scare me, to be honest. I obviously wasn't using them back then and back when I tried the G1000 a few years ago, I was so behind the plane I felt like an idiot. That was only one failed attempt at getting back into it. I realize that's extreme, but since I feel like I'm behind the plane now, I can't imagine using any kind of GPS. And of course the club I joined doesn't have aircraft with them and I don't want to make the financial decision to buy one now if I'm not sure I will stick with it. My VFR navigation skills have always sucked, I think because I went right into my instrument after my private and most of my instructing was instrument stuff. So that's a huge part of it maybe.

I've been thinking a lot about the radio calls and yes, a visit to the tower did wonders for me way back when. I'm not sure that's in the cards post 9/11 (is it?) but maybe just remembering that will help. I'll start talking in the car again too. I was doing a lot better on the radio before I stopped last month. :)

Although now that I'm writing more, I think mostly I feel behind the airplane. Overwhelmed, mostly with the airspace. I can't figure that one out. I used to fly into some pretty big airports routinely...MDW, DAL, IND, STL, etc, but always IFR, and the traffic here (lots of military) and VFR operations in Class C are just...overwhelming. This may be the first time someone has regretted getting an instrment rating..

Anyway, I've taken a month long break, so I guess it's time to bite the bullet and get back into it.
 
Buy a used or new if you want to spend the $$$ Garmin handheld GPS. You can play with it on the ground to get familiar then fly with a CFI or trusted safety pilot to get used to using it in the air. Believe me, they are not difficult to use.

As others have said, this will give you more confidence. Stick to good weather, VFR at first, and make it fun, not work. You'll be fine.
 
I second the idea to get a used Garmin. I fly with an old Garmin 196. I see lots of those for sale for a few hundred dollars, and I had an opportunity to buy one for $80 a couple of years ago. I wish I had just for a backup.

The 196 (and the later iterations) are, like Anthony said, easy to use. I have never flown in a G1000 airplane, or anything close. I would be way behind one of those also. I like the 196 because it uses AA batteries. The batteries die once in a while in flight, but I carry spares and replace them and the unit comes right back up where it went dead. The only issue is when it goes dead just as I am approaching an airport and trying to tell people exactly (and you can be pretty exact with a GPS) where I am.

Pre-GPS (and pre-Loran -- I used to have an airplane with Loran which I thought was great!), I drew my course on a sectional, marked off the route in 10 mile segments, marked all the miles gone and miles to go on the sectional along the line on Z-bars, then kept my finger on the chart the whole time. Now, with GPS, I still keep my sectional out, but I don't usually (unless going somewhere far away and unfamiliar) draw a course line on it. I can, using the handheld backed up with VOR's, keep up with my position and verify on the sectional. The GPS continuously calculates groundspeed, ETE, distance to destination, etc. which is wonderful, and draws a course line to follow. You will love it. Invest the money to get a used one (be sure to get an aviation model because they have all the airports, fixes, etc. in the database) and you will never look back. It takes the worry out of cross country flying (at least the getting lost part -- I still worry about aircraft troubles with the aircraft I can afford to fly!).
 
Thanks to everyone for their support. I suspected part of this is just getting older and wiser, but dang, I wasn't I wasn't so wise sometimes.

The GPS suggestions scare me, to be honest. I obviously wasn't using them back then and back when I tried the G1000 a few years ago, I was so behind the plane I felt like an idiot. That was only one failed attempt at getting back into it. I realize that's extreme, but since I feel like I'm behind the plane now, I can't imagine using any kind of GPS. And of course the club I joined doesn't have aircraft with them and I don't want to make the financial decision to buy one now if I'm not sure I will stick with it. My VFR navigation skills have always sucked, I think because I went right into my instrument after my private and most of my instructing was instrument stuff. So that's a huge part of it maybe.

I've been thinking a lot about the radio calls and yes, a visit to the tower did wonders for me way back when. I'm not sure that's in the cards post 9/11 (is it?) but maybe just remembering that will help. I'll start talking in the car again too. I was doing a lot better on the radio before I stopped last month. :)

Although now that I'm writing more, I think mostly I feel behind the airplane. Overwhelmed, mostly with the airspace. I can't figure that one out. I used to fly into some pretty big airports routinely...MDW, DAL, IND, STL, etc, but always IFR, and the traffic here (lots of military) and VFR operations in Class C are just...overwhelming. This may be the first time someone has regretted getting an instrment rating..

Anyway, I've taken a month long break, so I guess it's time to bite the bullet and get back into it.

I think I have figured out your problem.

You know what you don't know.

I so far, am very comfortable flying. I am a student with just a few lessons in after my solo. My CFI and I went out for drinks yesterday, and he said something that this reminded me of. He said looking back at what little he knew when he got his PPL, he was shocked anyone gave it to him.

I am sure what I know so far, is probably 1% of what I could know. By I have no clue what that other 99% is, or how it feels to know it. I am sure if I knew it, and then didn't, I would feel a lot more lost then I do now.

Try just realizing flying is flying. Thrust, Ailerons, Rudder, and Elevators. That's it. Keep it simple, and realize that everything else is just extra stuff.

When you learn it, you learn it. But until then, your not going to kill your self if you know the basics, and I am sure you know the basics :)
 
Buy a used or new if you want to spend the $$$ Garmin handheld GPS. You can play with it on the ground to get familiar then fly with a CFI or trusted safety pilot to get used to using it in the air. Believe me, they are not difficult to use.

As others have said, this will give you more confidence. Stick to good weather, VFR at first, and make it fun, not work. You'll be fine.

Well, I'd prefer to not use it for x-c's (as long as VOR's and such are still out there, which I assume they are since people fly these aircraft IFR all the time) but it does sound like it would be really good for situational awareness. $600 new though, eek. Also, can you attach it somewhere or does it have to lie on the seat next to you or something?

I think I have figured out your problem.

You know what you don't know.
This is a really, really good point.
The thought of doing know some of the things I used to do...wow, I've forgotten so much and I feel like I should still know it. And learning it again seems insurmountable right now. That's a happy thought though because I can do something about it.

Anyone have advice on dealing with crazy airspace and lots of training traffic?
 
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