Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

FxoUqNEXwAUnCAO
 
"Common Sense"

But... but then it would not be new.
 
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.

“Where on earth did you get that ???” asked the surprised bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

“I will grant you one wish – just one.”

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks !”

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, “You know, I think your genie’s a little deaf.

I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”


The man replies, “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch *_pianist_*?”
 
A guy walks into the bar and orders two drinks, “one for me, and one for the Major.”
Bartender says, “Who’s the Major?”
Guy says, “Oh, you’ve never met the Major? Here!” And he lifts a 12-inch tall guy up onto the bar. Ramrod straight, full military uniform, Sam Brown belt, the works. “The Major and me, we been though a lot together. Wars, skirmishes, police actions, native unrest…say, Major, tell him about the time you called that witch doctor a ****ing *******!”
 
MauleSkinner said:
A guy walks into the bar and orders two drinks, “one for me, and one for the Major.”
Bartender says, “Who’s the Major?”
Guy says, “Oh, you’ve never met the Major? Here!” And he lifts a 12-inch tall guy up onto the bar. Ramrod straight, full military uniform, Sam Brown belt, the works. “The Major and me, we been though a lot together. Wars, skirmishes, police actions, native unrest…say, Major, tell him about the time you called that witch doctor a ****ing *******!”
Click to expand...
a******?? Or is it something else??
 
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hid it. “This is your suspect; how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answered, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman said, “Well ... uh ... that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asked her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responded, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asked, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly added “...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, “Hmmmm ... the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman was surprised and speechless because he really didn’t know himself if the suspect wore contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer ... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect’s file in his computer, and came back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it ... it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top