Stupid warnings and bad instructions thread

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Snorting his way across the USA
I'll start.

Reference the two attached pictures. "Keep hands free and clear from all moving parts."

How do you operate the machine?
 
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By grabbing the fixed handles and keeping your hands clear of the weights and cables.
 
I like this one...
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Some airports have those flat escalators (moving walkways?) and when you are nearing the end a loud voice warns you - something about getting to the end of the walkway.

I don't think it is for blind people, either, I think someone fell in or got caught up in the end of the thing and now all of us have to listen to that announcement play over and over and over.
 
found on a sleep aid: "warning, may cause drowsiness"
 
A few year back I got a string of Christmas lights.

The tag said "Warning, for indoor or outdoor use only"
 
OSHA, don't fail me now...
 

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I believe the sign means "Handicapped-man-eating crocodile at bottom of the hill."

Back when we were a small four man company, we got a package from Hewlett Packard addressed to "Risk Management Officer." The secretary decided I sounded like a likely candidate. Inside was an alert that they had sold some baby monitors with patient leads that had bare ends where they plugged into the machine. This was a problem in the residential setting after some helpful older siblings had plugged the baby leads directly into the wall bypassing the monitor. These were recalled from home use, but they continued to use them in hospitals figuring nobody would be stupid enough to do this. This proved to be wrong. Not only were the leads all recalled, but we got a brochure showing right and wrong way to connect the baby up (direct to the wall is WRONG) as well as stickers admonishing us to not use bare plug patient leads with the baby monitor (of course, while I had lots of HP computer equipment to analyze radiological info, I had no baby monitors to stick these too).

Another job stuck a "No classified information is to be processed on this machine" on my office coffee maker.
 
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Some airports have those flat escalators (moving walkways?) and when you are nearing the end a loud voice warns you - something about getting to the end of the walkway.

I don't think it is for blind people, either, I think someone fell in or got caught up in the end of the thing and now all of us have to listen to that announcement play over and over and over.

I jumped over an older couple who wiped out at the end of the moving walkway at the Fort Lauderdale airport. The recorded voice clearly wasn't loud enough. I threw down my bags on the other side of the couple then turned around to grab my 3 kids so they wouldn't become part of the pile up. Fortunately the TSA guy (clearly a high performer) knew how to shut the walkway off and prevented a pretty awesome video opportunity.

The most amazing part of the whole thing, was this couple who was behind my wife. They had an infant in a baby carrier on a stroller. They had that kid unstrapped, the stoller folded up, and mom going over the railing before the walkway stopped.
 
Not only were the leads all recalled, but we got a brochure showing right and wrong way to connect the baby up (direct to the wall is WRONG) as well as stickers admonishing us to not use bare plug patient leads with the baby monitor (of course, while I had lots of HP computer equipment to analyze radiological info, I had no baby monitors to stick these too).

Mmm... Baby BBQ is tender, like veal.
 
More of a "here's your sign"...but in the spirit of this thread. (I sometimes work with guys who handle unexploded ordnance, so this one makes the rounds frequently).
 

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One an old pair of jeans I used to own containing 3% Kevlar: "This clothing not bullet resistant".
 
I nominate this for the most useless warning sign ever.

warning.gif

Then there was a bar in a small town in northern California that had a sign that said, "No minors under 21 allowed". The clarification was necessary as there were miners in the area whose reading skill might not have understood the difference between "miner" and "minor" and they certainly wouldn't have wanted to chase away any business. :D
 
That minors sign reminds me of the sign on the Carnival Cruise Ship.

Some, on the very top floor (something like the 14th story up) have a "topless deck" for people over 18 only.

Since they call it that all that happens is a few dozens dudes with Coors Light cans stand around waiting for the topless tanning to start, but it never does. The sign was to blame.
 
I think the "topless deck" just doesn't have a cover over it, hence a good place for tanning.
 
That minors sign reminds me of the sign on the Carnival Cruise Ship.

Some, on the very top floor (something like the 14th story up) have a "topless deck" for people over 18 only.

Since they call it that all that happens is a few dozens dudes with Coors Light cans stand around waiting for the topless tanning to start, but it never does. The sign was to blame.

I bet the ship was selling lots of Coors on that deck.

Dan
 
I bet the ship was selling lots of Coors on that deck.

Dan

Nope, no bar or services up top on that deck. Just a small area for people to be in private, only chairs up there and nothing else. It was only open like 9-5 and then locked up, no idea why?

The dudes brought the coors up from another deck down below where all the pools, hot tubs, and water slides are.
 
Should have had a sign that said, "Warning, boring deck. Significant melanoma risk." LOL.
 
My other favorite was the ATIS pronouncement and it was noted on the airport diagram at Dulles to read back all runway crossing instructions. At the time, there was no taxiways that actually crossed runways. If you drove from a taxiway across a runway to the other side you were rolling around in the weeds.
 
"Warning, a bunch of dudes sipping on Coors Light waiting for unsuspecting foreign girls to start tanning"

Foreign girls typically wouldn't care. Far fewer hang-ups about boobies outside the oh-so-Holier-than-Thou United States. :)
 
Foreign girls typically wouldn't care. Far fewer hang-ups about boobies outside the oh-so-Holier-than-Thou United States. :)

No kidding, problem is when you walk down the beach in St Tropez it's more like, "lady, you may want to put a bra on before you step on your tits...":rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
Das Flugzeug is nicth für gerfingerpokken or yoke mittengrabben....
 

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Some airports have those flat escalators (moving walkways?) and when you are nearing the end a loud voice warns you - something about getting to the end of the walkway.

I don't think it is for blind people, either, I think someone fell in or got caught up in the end of the thing and now all of us have to listen to that announcement play over and over and over.

Actually, the moving walkways had their start (and initial problems) in an aviation environment

From http://todayinsci.com/Events/Technology/MovingSidewalks.htm:

When the moving sidewalk was first opened with the new terminal building at the city's new municipal airport, Love Field, in Dallas, Texas, on 30 January 1958, it was technology being put to use as a modern convenience. Passenger conveyors traveling at the granny-friendly speed of one-and-a-half miles per hour assisted foot traffic for the long walk in each of three concourses from the terminal lobby to the plane ramps. This was the first two-way, moving sidewalk put into service at an airport in America. It was 1,425 feet long and consisted of three loops. Each loop provided a floor-level, rubber carpet, moving continuously between two side-walls that carried a moving handrail of the kind already familiar from its use on escalators. A continuous series of wheeled pallets supported the deck, with flexible connections between them, which were also able to follow vertical or horizontal curves in their track.

In the 18 Jul 1955 issue of Time magazine, the cost was given as $234,704

As with new technology, there were unforeseen problems in the design. At first these were minor. Several persons had been caught by the sidewalk. Also a dog suffered a broken leg in the mechanism. On 26 Jan 1958, Mrs. R. E. Womack, 38, of Dallas, was sightseeing with her seven-year-old son, Robert Lee Womack. According to Patrolman R. J. Shackelford, in an Associated Press report, the boy was riding the moving seidewalk, and fell near the end of it. The youngster's T-shirt was entangled in the mechanism, and dragged him to the end of the walk. The fingers of his right hand were skinned.

When his mother knelt beside him to help, her own clothes were also caught up by the belt, and her skirt and petticoat were pulled off. She was left wearing her knee-length leather coat. The power for the sidewalk was turned off. The mother went with her frightened son to an office in the terminal.

In a later accident, a death resulted. Among the Friday night's crowd of holiday travelers, on 1 January 1960, was tiny, 2-year-old, blond Tina Marie Brandon. She was there with her family for the departure of a relative. Having never seen a moving sidewalk before, she was fascinated by it. Tina ran down the hall to the end of the slowly moving belt. Apparently, she bent down to get a closer look where the it disappeared under the step-off plate. Her coat sleeve was caught by the heavy rubber belt where it turned under at the end, and it continued to drag her clothing into the mechanism. Her left hand, left writst and half of her left forearm were pulled below floor level. She screamed, as did her brother, Wilfred, 5. Before any adult nearby could react, the girl was crushed to death by her own clothing squeezed ever tighter around her body.

After the belt was stopped, E. M. Hardy, a policeman stationed on duty at the terminal said that as he cut off part of her clothes to release her, the material was drawn so tightly around her body, that he could barely insert a knife blade underneath it.

The girl was already dead upon arrival at the hospital, where officials said she had a crushed chest and shoulder. “My child was murdered and there was nothing in the world we could do to help her,” her distraught mother, Mrs. L. C. Brandon told a newspaper reporter. “They have no tools out there at all, not even a crowbar.” The father, L. C. Brandon, the next day said he had talked to a lawyer concerning possible legal action against the city. “I don't want to get anything out of it because of her, but I think something should be done about that machine.”

The moving sidewalks at the airport remained shut down for investigation. A newspaper account of the accident reported that Dallas Mayor, R. L. Thornton, and two other city officials promised action to prevent further accidents. They were manufacturered by Hewitt-Robins Co. of Passaic, N.J., maker of industrial conveyors and materials handling equipment. Normal clearance between the rubber belt and the step-off plate was less than an inch. Their engineers were expected to make close inspections before any further use of the moving sidewalks.​
 
Foreign girls typically wouldn't care. Far fewer hang-ups about boobies outside the oh-so-Holier-than-Thou United States. :)

(Beavis voice) "huuh-huuh-huh... he said boobies."
 

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What is the one plastered all over the inside of new cessna's?

Failure to whatever can result in serious injury or death. If you're in KS, you'll run into mountains before you run out of warning labels telling you that you're absolutely going to die a painful horrible death by even sitting in the seat.
 
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