The Guy Code

Most men want kids because they haven't thought things through. :)

(I'm a slow learner, we have five.)
 
denverpilot said:
Most men want kids so someone will mow the lawn in their 60s. Haha.
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my problem is i want someone to mow my lawn NOW. oh well when i'm old i'll just hire some kid to do it. way cheaper.
 
tonycondon said:
my problem is i want someone to mow my lawn NOW. oh well when i'm old i'll just hire some kid to do it. way cheaper.
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don't you have to live somewhere that grass can actually grow first?
 
hey shut up i have a lot more grass now than i did last year when you showed up. in fact i threw down some seed a few weeks ago and it is actually growing. unlike last year this strange liquid has been falling from the sky a lot lately. we've mowed weekly for the last 4 weeks. hopefully it stops raining soon. then the soaring will get better and i'll have to mow less.
 
actually i wonder how long it will take if i just let it grow until my neighbor with a really nice yard just starts mowing mine...
 
it worked for my grandma's neighbor when i was a kid. i got to mow both their yards. the neighbor across the street who was the one who really cared actual got the long grass neighbor to pay me for it too.
 
I have "Mr. Perfect Lawn" across the street.

Note to self: Never buy a house across from Mr. Perfect Lawn. His lawn will make yours look bad and he'll give you dirty looks for ten years. Haha.
 
denverpilot said:
I have "Mr. Perfect Lawn" across the street.

Note to self: Never buy a house across from Mr. Perfect Lawn. His lawn will make yours look bad and he'll give you dirty looks for ten years. Haha.
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Those "Mr. Perfect Lawn" people have problems that go WAY beyond their lawns. Trust me.
 
I just wish I could grow more than weeds and sand spurs. It is so dry here in Florida that we are hoping for a couple tropical depressions to bring us some rain.
 
denverpilot said:
I have "Mr. Perfect Lawn" across the street.

Note to self: Never buy a house across from Mr. Perfect Lawn. His lawn will make yours look bad and he'll give you dirty looks for ten years. Haha.
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hey we all have to choose how to spend our weekends. some of us spend weekends flying and some spend weekend manicuring lawns.
 
My idea of grass and landscaping is green tinted exposed aggregate concrete.

In my own yard, I'm happy for my neighbors to all have fluffy green lawns that they spend all weekend pedicuring. Same with their dogs, I'll happily play with them when they walk by but they can feed them and do turd service.
 
CMTowner said:
I just wish I could grow more than weeds and sand spurs. It is so dry here in Florida that we are hoping for a couple tropical depressions to bring us some rain.
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Hey, if it's green just mow it and don't worry. When I lived in Titusville I told folks "I don't have patches of sand, I have patches of lawn.":)

John
 
denverpilot said:
I have "Mr. Perfect Lawn" across the street.

Note to self: Never buy a house across from Mr. Perfect Lawn. His lawn will make yours look bad and he'll give you dirty looks for ten years. Haha.
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I have 'Mr. Perfect Lawn' about 5 houses down. His front yard has about the grass density of a putting green. One day, he found a 12th hole flag in his front yard, placed by the golf-loving guy accross the street.
 
Dude, seriously, take the yoga classes.

Oh yeah, I want the machine under the vent, if the one near the window isn't available.
 
Mr. Perfect's place...

Like the snow? Note that I haven't shoveled and he has? Haha. I won't be either. It'll melt soon.

4b94241c-72e0-7ef4.jpg


That stupid tulip coming up in the center of my lawn is where a flower bed used to be three years ago. We tore it and the whole lawn out, re-sodded, and now we have one stupid tulip that comes up through the grass.

To be honest, he's a nice guy and fun to drink a beer with standing in the street. And I'm jealous of his Maple tree. It's gorgeous in the Fall.

Our Aspens stood where the tulip is and died in a drought. They're not good city trees. The former owner must have watered the crap out of them to keep them alive long enough to get taller than out house. I tried to save them too late.

Cutting down three trees into the street that are dead and 30' high is entertaining though. Put trash cans in the street to warn cars and get after it with the chainsaw. TIMBER!!!
 
Sac Arrow said:
So, interesting chain of events this morning....

Five out of the six exercise machines were occupied by sausage bearers. Number five was open. Oh well. I just take it and get on with my cardio. Approximately at 2:30 seconds, the fat guy on machine number four lets out this huge massive fart. He leaves either in embarrassment or to head to the john, but whatever the case was he took his stuff with him so he's probably not returning. The guys on machines number three and six also leave, probably not uncoindentally due to the gas attack.

The cookies!! Yes, the ladies showed up. A full hour (well, approximately 53 minutes worth) of solid entertainment. Conversating, politicing, debating, contemplating, quizziating, interrogating, determinating, sociating, sharinating, commentating, intimitating, visiating ... I was in the ZONE, in my ELEMENT.

Had to share.
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Nothing much worse than a sweaty crop duster in a confined space. I suppose it really is darkest before the dawn though, good choice to "fly IMC."
denverpilot said:
I have "Mr. Perfect Lawn" across the street.

Note to self: Never buy a house across from Mr. Perfect Lawn. His lawn will make yours look bad and he'll give you dirty looks for ten years. Haha.
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LOL Mr. Perfect Lawn is my landlord. Strangely he never marked his driveway for the sake me snowplowing it; perhaps he needed something to do in the spring and re-seeding along the driveway is his thing.
 
LearDriver said:
I think that my nutter neighbor is building a well under his house to keep those he abducts. Seriously creepy bugger.
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"He was always so quiet... seemed so nice....."


:yikes:
 
Denver,
You have the leg up on Mr Perfect Lawn by sporting your patriotism with your American flag. I don't see his in the photo. ;)
 
Sac Arrow said:
My idea of grass and landscaping is green tinted exposed aggregate concrete.

In my own yard, I'm happy for my neighbors to all have fluffy green lawns that they spend all weekend pedicuring. Same with their dogs, I'll happily play with them when they walk by but they can feed them and do turd service.
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Yep, dogs and kids, I get my fill of both with other peoples.:yesnod:
 
Henning said:
Dude, slow learner? You qualify for disability.:rofl:;)
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Maybe, but our five will do their part to offset a large number of uneducated, incompetent, lazy welfare cases. If you have seen Idiocracy, you know what I mean. If you haven't... you should. :)
 
I have Mrs. Perfect Lawn next door. :eek:

When she tried to tell me that my bushes should be no taller than the fence, I had had enough, and told her that she's not the boss of the neighborhood.
 
numl0ck said:
Denver,
You have the leg up on Mr Perfect Lawn by sporting your patriotism with your American flag. I don't see his in the photo. ;)
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His goes up only for holidays. Mine is up year-round.

The hardest part is when bad things are happening and you miss the news and forget to lower it to half mast. (Or in my case move it from upright to horizontal.)

The other bummer is when you come home after dark and the light bulb on the porch failed. D'oh. Have to change it, rain or shine. (Or bring the flag in.)
 
DaleB said:
Maybe, but our five will do their part to offset a large number of uneducated, incompetent, lazy welfare cases. If you have seen Idiocracy, you know what I mean. If you haven't... you should. :)
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No, they cannot, all 5 of them at most can only offset one stupid person.
 
Palmpilot said:
I have Mrs. Perfect Lawn next door. :eek:

When she tried to tell me that my bushes should be no taller than the fence, I had had enough, and told her that she's not the boss of the neighborhood.
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time for a taller fence!
 
Okay, tool of the month time.....

Reference the following steamroom:

Preserve-steam-horiz.jpg


But pretend there is some steam in it and it's hot. Well, I finish up my workout and enter the steamroom, which is a co-ed unit located in the common pool area of the gym. I sit in the left rear corner. I'm the only one there.

A minute later the fat older Hispanic guy that camps in the pool comes in the steamroom, and sits like.... right next to me, on the left side as viewed in the photo. Dude was invading my personal space! I mean there was a good solid ten feet between me and usable bench space on the left side. WHY didn't he just take the other end? Either end was perfectly good for getting steam and not getting burned or whatever. Even the middle of the bench would have been fine. But, RIGHT NEXT TO ME??? And this guy never uses the steamroom. He just swims and sits in the Jacuzzi. Not that he doesn't have a right to use the steamroom, it's just not his normal mode of operation.

Then the hot, thin Korean chick walks in. Oh, so that's why. She's forced to sit at the far end of the bench. This big fat dude anticipated that and has effectively, and intentionally blocked her from being in between me and him. Dude has been trying to work that action for months, to no avail. She appeared mildly annoyed, steamed for a few minutes and left.

Dude, it's like this:

1. Give it up. You're a old fat guy, she's a younger, thin attractive woman (Imma guess maybe mid to late 30's) that doesn't need you. English may not be her very first language, but that fake pleasant voice you try to use when you talk to her seems, well..... fake.

2. If you want that I'll bet it's going to cost you. Lots of cash. I don't know what her occupation is, but I have a very strong suspicion she is a high-end prostitute ("escort.") I don't know that for sure, but she shows up at the gym at zero dark thirty in the morning not dressed in gym clothes, but rather high heels, tight fitting designer jeans, makeup and accessories suggesting that she just got done from her job shift at 4:00 a.m. and it probably wasn't working the watch counter at Macy's. Plus she's got large and obviously fake breasts.

3. You violated the guy code. You threw an intentional cock block. You committed a defensive pass interference. You should be penalized to confinement in the dry sauna for a week.
 
If he knows you're married, he's not cock blocking.
 
The smart thing to do would have been to sit in the middle. Then it's a non issue.
 
I hadn't anticipated the scenario, or I probably would have.
 
It's a year and you are still prowling that gym in search for some action. You may want to change venues.
 
You live in San Francisco. He was probably assuming you were ready to have hot bath house action with him.

I assume steam rooms in San Fran carry the same type of action?
 
SkyHog said:
You live in San Francisco. He was probably assuming you were ready to have hot bath house action with him.

I assume steam rooms in San Fran carry the same type of action?
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You people that live in Kansas don't understand the distinction between Oakland and San Francisco.
 
Sac Arrow said:
You people that live in Kansas don't understand the distinction between Oakland and San Francisco.
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Isn't the only difference that the gays in Oakland steal your Starter Jackets afterwards, while the gays in San Francisco steal your heart?
 
Actually, there are bad parts of the City that are as bad as the bad part of Oakland.
 
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