The Guy Code

You were intentionally bracketed right out of the game by those guys.
 
Sac Arrow said:
As a general rule of thumb, an initial fart offsets approximately two weeks of effort. Subsequent farts increase the social recovery period exponentially.

"Dude, like, she was so totally hot, and so in to you, what happened?"

"I farted a third time."

"Dude I'm sorry."
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He meant to get the dudes to stop taking the machines next to you.

Hormel Chili... you'll be all "dude free"...
 
denverpilot said:
He meant to get the dudes to stop taking the machines next to you.

Hormel Chili... you'll be all "dude free"...
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The problem is that farts are like Roundup, they clear everything away non-selectively. Sometimes feigning (or not) a small coughing fit is an effective small area dispersal method.
 
Sac Arrow said:
//begin rant

Scenario: I'm at the gym at zero dark thirty in the morning. There is a row of cardio machines. Six, to be exact. There is some guy on machine #5. I take my position on machine #3. This leaves the opportunity for girls to take their position on machine #'s 1, 2, 4 and 6, respectively. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm fairly picky about my location choice at gyms and bars.

The way it typically works out is this - let's say there is a row of twenty empty exercise machines. I will pick one in the middle third of one end. The girls, as they start occupying the machines, will either be attracted by my animal magnetism, or repelled by it. There is no in between. No neutral. Those that are repelled will make a beeline to the machine furthest away from me. Those that aren't will occupy one next to me. The guys, they are playing the same game. They stay out of my space and I stay out of theirs, unless there is an extenuating circumstance like a shortage of machines or a requirement to conversate with a specific individual.

So fast forwarding, guy on #5 leaves. I have all the machines to myself. Some guy comes up and takes machine number FOUR, right next to ME. I try to give him a sublime but clear "dude, seriously" look but the message was apparently not received. THEN, on top of THAT, some other random guy gets on machine number TWO! I'm sandwiched by two MF's! And then, guess who takes machine number ONE?? You guessed it right. A GIRL!! You could have fried an egg on my head.

Dudes. It's like this. I don't know you. We've never talked. We've never exchanged glances. I don't even recognize you as a regular person here and I've been coming to this same gym for ten years. You don't have anything to talk to me about. AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! You ignorant socially challenged cock blockers could have respectively taken ANY OTHER MACHINES and we would ALL BE HAPPIER!

I don't want to talk to guys on the cardio machine. I'm not in to guys. I torture myself mercilessly two hours a day at the gym so I can talk to GIRLS, not to GUYS. And by the way, both of you can stand to put a little more effort into your respective workouts as well. You on the right, ace that dyed brushed back semi mullet haircut. You're too old for that. You aren't fooling anyone. Dude on the left. Either shave your face or trim that semi beard stubble so it looks presentable. You probably have to pay for it too.

//end rant

Anyways, that the violation of the guy code I witnessed this morning.
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When I work out at the gym, I honestly don't take into big account who I'm working out next to. [Though, when a guy starts talking to me I usually leave...] I'm not there to socialize, I merely go to WORK OUT. Not meet men. I had a guy offer me his iPod and headphones once... while I was running on the treadmill.... and after I nicely said no thanks he proceeded to ask me out! dude, no. Not the time or place. Clearly you take a different stance then I, the gym is not a social setting for me but a place to maintain a hot bod- the guys that came and worked out right next to you were most likely not intentionally cock blocking but there for the same reason I am.

Men are amusing. :D
 
Sac Arrow said:
The problem is that farts are like Roundup, they clear everything away non-selectively. Sometimes feigning (or not) a small coughing fit is an effective small area dispersal method.
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You do have to move to a different machine after "crop-dusting"...
 
Meliss said:
Clearly you take a different stance then I, the gym is not a social setting for me but a place to maintain a hot bod- the guys that came and worked out right next to you were most likely not intentionally cock blocking but there for the same reason I am.

Men are amusing. :D
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Oh don't get me wrong - I'm there to maintain the physique too. We're talking thought crimes here, not real actions. Let's just say that having you ladies in view just reminds us what we are missing out on, and makes us that more determined in our workouts, that's all.

Meliss said:
Nope.... dogs.

Okay, but a man that's good with babies is a turn on. Especially since I'm scared of them. [babies...] :rofl:
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kimberlyanne546 said:
Me too. One look at me and they cry for hours. I am not a fan.
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Everskyward said:
Glad to hear I'm not the only one. :D
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If babies were in fact a turn on, that's red flag city right there, yezzir....
 
From wikipedia, and yes, that is the correct plural:

"In folklore traced back to medieval legend, a succubus(plural succubi) is a female demon appearing in dreams who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual intercourse. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated intercourse with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death."
 
My only dissapointment in this thread is that no Scotch, Bourbon, Cabernet, Pinot, or others were used in its making.
 
Anthony said:
My only dissapointment in this thread is that no Scotch, Bourbon, Cabernet, Pinot, or others were used in its making.
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DISCLAIMER:

"No Scotch, Bourbon, Cabernet, Pinot, or others were harmed in the making of this thread."

I'm currently listening to E40's rendition of "Carlos Rossi" as I post, if that counts. Give me about two hours and that problem is about to change!
 
Sac Arrow said:
DISCLAIMER:

"No Scotch, Bourbon, Cabernet, Pinot, or others were harmed in the making of this thread."

I'm currently listening to E40's rendition of "Carlos Rossi" as I post, if that counts. Give me about two hours and that problem is about to change!
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Ditto.
 
Ok Anthony. Jameson is in effmutha king effect! Damn straight!
 
So, interesting chain of events this morning....

Five out of the six exercise machines were occupied by sausage bearers. Number five was open. Oh well. I just take it and get on with my cardio. Approximately at 2:30 seconds, the fat guy on machine number four lets out this huge massive fart. He leaves either in embarrassment or to head to the john, but whatever the case was he took his stuff with him so he's probably not returning. The guys on machines number three and six also leave, probably not uncoindentally due to the gas attack.

I decided to take a calculated risk. I take an occasional breath through my towel and by approximately 3:45 the smoke cleared. Then an amazing thing happened. It was just like dropping napalm on the jungle - from the barren, charred remains of the underbrush new growth appears.

The cookies!! Yes, the ladies showed up. A full hour (well, approximately 53 minutes worth) of solid entertainment. Conversating, politicing, debating, contemplating, quizziating, interrogating, determinating, sociating, sharinating, commentating, intimitating, visiating ... I was in the ZONE, in my ELEMENT.

Had to share.
 
Sac Arrow said:
So, interesting chain of events this morning....

Five out of the six exercise machines were occupied by sausage bearers. Number five was open. Oh well. I just take it and get on with my cardio. Approximately at 2:30 seconds, the fat guy on machine number four lets out this huge massive fart. He leaves either in embarrassment or to head to the john, but whatever the case was he took his stuff with him so he's probably not returning. The guys on machines number three and six also leave, probably not uncoindentally due to the gas attack.

I decided to take a calculated risk. I take an occasional breath through my towel and by approximately 3:45 the smoke cleared. Then an amazing thing happened. It was just like dropping napalm on the jungle - from the barren, charred remains of the underbrush new growth appears.

The cookies!! Yes, the ladies showed up. A full hour (well, approximately 53 minutes worth) of solid entertainment. Conversating, politicing, debating, contemplating, quizziating, interrogating, determinating, sociating, sharinating, commentating, intimitating, visiating ... I was in the ZONE, in my ELEMENT.

Had to share.
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Wait, you were talking politics with them? Or you were spying on them while they were talking about politics girl to girl?
 
I'm glad that worked out for you -- so to speak. Personally, I don't really care if women are on the treadmills next to mine. In fact, I rather prefer that the more comely ones use the treadmills directly in front of mine. It's all about focus.
 
EdFred said:
I drove by a gym once.
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Me too - it was turrrrrible. I'm lucky I can maintain pique physical condition :D without the use of a "gym"

Of course, living on a kinda farm and lifting hay bales and stuff I guess qualifies as exercise.

I also have 5 dogs. Come at me ladies.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Wait, you were talking politics with them? Or you were spying on them while they were talking about politics girl to girl?
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I wasn't talking about politics, I was politicing... there is a difference. That is a first person verb. Well, it is now anyway.

DaleB said:
I'm glad that worked out for you -- so to speak. Personally, I don't really care if women are on the treadmills next to mine. In fact, I rather prefer that the more comely ones use the treadmills directly in front of mine. It's all about focus.
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Spin class!
 
The word is politicking.

Wanted to point it out because its one of those words that always looks misspelled, even when it isn't.

edit: Oh - and since you guys were sweating together, no need to shower before getting it on, right? A little "fromunda" is expected in those situations. Adds to the sexiness.
 
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