NA. How to treat parents?

Getonit said:
Can we spin this around where the parent doesn't get along with his son? Mine is 18, zero ambition, no job, barely passing high school, but is capable, just lazy,
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And to think i wanted to quit high school so I could go to work, buy my parents would not let me...
 
Half Fast said:
All true. And I did seek out some advice in the years prior to retiring. Things I wanted to do when I retired (volunteer work, hobbies, flying,...), I made a start on and did at a lower level of commitment while I was still working. That eased the transition quite a bit. When I decided to leave the job, I was too busy to go to work anymore anyway.

If you stop working cold turkey, without other activites already begun or waiting for you, the transition will be challenging.
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Over the past year or so one of my biggest annoyances has been that needing to keep my work schedule is increasingly interfering with other things I want (or feel I need) to do, and by the time I’m done working for the day I’m not in a mental state to get the things done I want to. It’s becoming a real struggle to convince myself every morning that I really do still need to work.

I take that as a sign that it’s time… just need to get a couple more little ducks to line up before finally pulling the ejection handle.
Zeldman said:
Agree.

My dad was busier in retirement than he was when working.
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I’m not sure if I’ll be busier or not, but I’ll be a lot happier.

I can understand how the super-right-wing obsessive dementia happens, though. There are numerous channels of nonstop political diatribe readily available, and indeed pushed at us 24/7. None are in any way moderate or centrist; you’ve got a choice between extreme left wing demonizing and dehumanizing the right, and extreme right wing demonizing and dehumanizing the left. I personally can’t tolerate either one for more than a few minutes, but an awful lot of people gravitate toward one because they seem to feel they have to in order to offset all the idiots listening to the other. I have seen and am seeing it happening with friends and family members. It’s to the point where I simply refuse to engage with any of it; if someone wants to go off on a political tangent my hearing loss gets quite severe and acute.
 
DaleB said:
Over the past year or so one of my biggest annoyances has been that needing to keep my work schedule is increasingly interfering with other things I want (or feel I need) to do, and by the time I’m done working for the day I’m not in a mental state to get the things done I want to. It’s becoming a real struggle to convince myself every morning that I really do still need to work.

I take that as a sign that it’s time… just need to get a couple more little ducks to line up before finally pulling the ejection handle.
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I'm in the exact same place... just another year or two.
 
DaleB said:
Over the past year or so one of my biggest annoyances has been that needing to keep my work schedule is increasingly interfering with other things I want (or feel I need) to do, and by the time I’m done working for the day I’m not in a mental state to get the things done I want to. It’s becoming a real struggle to convince myself every morning that I really do still need to work.

I take that as a sign that it’s time… just need to get a couple more little ducks to line up before finally pulling the ejection handle.

I’m not sure if I’ll be busier or not, but I’ll be a lot happier.

I can understand how the super-right-wing obsessive dementia happens, though. There are numerous channels of nonstop political diatribe readily available, and indeed pushed at us 24/7. None are in any way moderate or centrist; you’ve got a choice between extreme left wing demonizing and dehumanizing the right, and extreme right wing demonizing and dehumanizing the left. I personally can’t tolerate either one for more than a few minutes, but an awful lot of people gravitate toward one because they seem to feel they have to in order to offset all the idiots listening to the other. I have seen and am seeing it happening with friends and family members. It’s to the point where I simply refuse to engage with any of it; if someone wants to go off on a political tangent my hearing loss gets quite severe and acute.
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I know how you feel. I’ve gotten to the point that if someone starts quoting fox or msnbc talking points I just change the subject or walk away.
 
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Getonit said:
Can we spin this around where the parent doesn't get along with his son? Mine is 18, zero ambition, no job, barely passing high school, but is capable, just lazy, go to eat with him and I get barely a reply on open ended questions. I offered to pay him to work on my house, sanding trim, grunt stuff...he told his mom he wasn't going to do it....he had a car which I took away for a multitude of reasons, gave it back because his mom was complaining, had an accident not his fault and he thinks the insurance money is his? He is frustrating the eff out of me.
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My friend says that dad’s job is to help mom let go and let her children become adults.
 
Getonit said:
Can we spin this around where the parent doesn't get along with his son? Mine is 18, zero ambition, no job, barely passing high school, but is capable, just lazy, go to eat with him and I get barely a reply on open ended questions. I offered to pay him to work on my house, sanding trim, grunt stuff...he told his mom he wasn't going to do it....he had a car which I took away for a multitude of reasons, gave it back because his mom was complaining, had an accident not his fault and he thinks the insurance money is his? He is frustrating the eff out of me.
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Your son sounds like my brother except my brother is 27.

No job, never had one, doesn’t want one, no college, no trade skills, etc.

I don’t understand how someone could live like that. I’ve tried to explain to my parents that they need to do some tough love at some point, but they don’t listen to me. My parents insist he can’t get a job because he has anxiety. He has his own car he drives around (that my parents pay for) which in my mind means you can get a job.
 
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DavidWhite said:
Your son sounds like my brother except my brother is 27.

No job, never had one, doesn’t want one, no college, no trade skills, etc.

I don’t understand how someone could live like that. I’ve tried to explain to my parents that they need to do some tough love at some point, but they don’t listen to me. My parents insist he can’t get a job because he has anxiety. He has his own car he drives around (that my parents pay for) which in my mind means you can get a job.
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If your parents are footing the bill, why go to work? I mean work kind of sucks, lots of disrespectful working environments, it adds responsibility too, I can understand not wanting to work.

Some people are also introverted and that is frustrating to see, I’m not sure how to motivate them to do more with life either.
 
mandm said:
If your parents are footing the bill, why go to work? I mean work kind of sucks, lots of disrespectful working environments, it adds responsibility too, I can understand not wanting to work.

Some people are also introverted and that is frustrating to see, I’m not sure how to motivate them to do more with life either.
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Why go to work? have some pride, don't be a parasite.

Are you* a giver or a taker?

*you in general, not you specifically mandm.
 
mandm said:
If your parents are footing the bill, why go to work?
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In the cases I’ve seen there are one or more of three factors… addiction, depression, or just outright laziness.
 
Bob Noel said:
Why go to work? have some pride, don't be a parasite.

Are you* a giver or a taker?

*you in general, not you specifically mandm.
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Yep, I think everyone who has the ability to work should be doing *something*.

I think the technical term for people like that is a NEET, an acronym that means “Not in Education, Employment, or Training.
 
DavidWhite said:
Yep, I think everyone who has the ability to work should be doing *something*.

I think the technical term for people like that is a NEET, an acronym that means “Not in Education, Employment, or Training.
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Our daughter has a boyfriend who is pushing 30, and has lived parasitically his entire life. We have quite a number of terms for him...
 
My godfather had 3 sons. He told me 2 were married with houses and gainfully employed; the 3rd one dropped out of college to smoke pot and bike ride across Europe. He said he called the 3rd one bum load as the night the 3rd one was conceived he had a bum load.
 
Maybe I'm being a jerk, but when I hear someone complain about their kids, I sometimes ask "so do you think it's genetics or the environment?" Because as I see it, most of the time the parents end up with what they created. Contrary to popular myth, it doesn't take a village to raise kids.

On a more lighthearted side, I do believe that's it's a teenager's purpose to drive their parents nuts. And if the favor is returned, they're so sick of the rules and restrictions of the house that they leave. And then become successful people.
 
FORANE said:
My godfather had 3 sons. He told me 2 were married with houses and gainfully employed; the 3rd one dropped out of college to smoke pot and bike ride across Europe. He said he called the 3rd one bum load as the night the 3rd one was conceived he had a bum load.
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that sounds like fun, smoking weed and riding bikes across europe... :smilewinkgrin:
 
UngaWunga said:
that sounds like fun, smoking weed and riding bikes across europe... :smilewinkgrin:
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I had an uncle that smoked cigarettes and drove trucks across Europe when he was a teenager. He didn't have all that much fun.
 
Zeldman said:
Was this back in 1944-45.??
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You got it. He always played it off as "nothing special", and I didn't find out until much later, after he passed away, that his unit was overrun in the Ardennes Forest. I can't wrap my head around how tough that generation was. Came back and became a small engine mechanic. Nicest, most mellow guy you'd ever met. I never saw him angry at anyone.
 
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