... and lessons learned. Yes, this is a rant. Oh wait, I mentioned that in the title. 1. Get up in the morning. Go to the gym. Have coffee and sports drink in the supermarket cafe next door. For some reason, coffee and sports drink makes bowels very angry. It is a good thing I know the bathroom security code by memory. But that's not what this is about. 2. It's only a five minute drive home but I'm already in crisis mode. I make it in time, and then... the chain falls off the flush lever. Again. It falls off the flush lever because the flush lever was made out of steel. Plain steel. The final rough edge where I could wedge the chain attachment corroded away and there is really no rigging it without machine work, plus the rest of the tank internals are mostly shot, so, I decide to get new set of flush and fill valves. 3. The OSH literally within walking distance has been closed for over a year. I wouldn't literally walk over there to buy plumbing hardware and carry it back, but it's a whale of a lot more convenient than the Home Depot a few miles away. I don't know why I say whale. I don't really like whales. I mean I don't dislike whales either, I'm just kind of... neutral on them. They probably make poor house pets. It's probably good that I was forced to go to Home Depot because in theory I will have a better selection than OSH, but really that is only the case if I were to buy a new toilet, because I don't think OSH actually sold toilets. I don't remember. I really should get a new one. The present one is difficult to flush and prone to clogging. But I'm cheap plus I really don't want to have to deal with opening up that sewer connection and the wax rings and all that stuff. In retrospect.... 4. Okay it's a mess. The corroded iron inside the bowl is stuck to the bottom, and the deteriorating gaskets have mostly turned to goo. I finally get the tank off, and now to remove the flush valve. Fuuuuuuu. They put this enormous hex nut on it that no sane wrench or pliers can handle. My pipe wrench isn't even big enough for it. The strap wrench isn't working. I try an oil filter wrench, and get it to turn, but not loosen. The nut is frozen on the flush valve. The final solution? A hack saw to saw the nut in two. For some reason the word hack saw reminds me of cole slaw, and cole slaw always works. So, that was the solution. 5. This isn't rocket science. The new unit is not much like the old unit with a ball float with lever. The float is concentric with the fill valve. More modern. That's fine. I do the recommended trimming of the overflow tube, but... I'm perplexed at why the diagram for the fill valve seems to imply the small hose at the top should be routed over and pointing down the overflow tube via an attachment that doesn't seem to resemble anything in the diagram. I was initially confused because the small block like thing attached to the hose appeared to fit inside the overflow tube, and that may have been its functionality, but it didn't appear in the diagram. On closer inspection, I found the little bracket that clamps to the overflow tube, and went ahead and set it up per the diagram. 6. Everything is installed, inspected, and the supply hose is hooked back up. Time to test it out. The last time I had to replace the supply line, it was because the supply line was integral with the shutoff valve, and it broke, so I had to dewater the entire house to install another valve with this time a separate supply hose. I turn the water on, and water sprays everywhere like a bad crisis in a submarine movie. I narrow the source of the leak to the supply line attachment to the fill valve. I had recalled it being a hand tight connection. I progressively tightened it with pliers until the leak stopped. All good, right? 7. Wrong. Four PM rolls around, I'm about to enjoy an afternoon shot of happy water, and I notice water on the floor under the toilet. Not a lot of water, just a small pool. I wipe it up, examine everything, and chalk it up to residual water from the torpedo damage draining off the bowl under the tank. But, apparently the torpedo did more damage to the hull than I initially assessed, and a half an hour later, there was another small pool of water. It was again the supply line connection to the fill valve. I tighten it more. The leak got worse. I swear in multiple languages. Shweindhund. Shweinhund means pig dog and is not vulgar. I would write down vulgarities but I don't know if cussing in foreign languages violates the ROC. It generally doesn't in most places. Maybe we can get some clarification on that. I examine the packing gland in the supply hose, and decide that it had conformed itself to the previous fill valve connection, which prevented it from completely conforming to the new connection. Ah, but there was a spare braided line in the garage. Of course the fitting had to be wrong. 8. Another trip to the big box store. Haha I said big box. I discovered that there were two size option for the shutoff valve side, and several permutations for the fill valve side. Hmm. Do we risk it, and buy the one we -think- is correct, or do we.... No need to. Whew. I had the wherewithal to bring the old one with me so I could match it up. I was about to give up hope. I needed the smaller isolation valve connection with the smaller hand tight fitting. I didn't find one. I found every other one plus an empty rack. I was about to give up hope, when I noticed a braided line partially hidden in the recess under the shelf. That was the right one. Like... yay. 9. It all works now. Well, define work. The parts inside are doing what they are doing correctly. It still takes a lot of water to flush and the clogging tendency hasn't really improved that I could tell. If the bowl was able to maintain ten psi of hydraulic head, that would help a lot. But that would require the bowl to be 23 feet deep. You would actually have to use it from the second story, and you would still need a step ladder to sit on it. And since I have a single story house, that would be... awkward. Especially when the neighbors are out and about. 10. Bottom line. Yes, this is for those tl;dr people. BUY A NEW SUPPLY HOSE WITH THE INTERNAL REPAIR KIT. Yes I am screaming. Okay I am done screaming.