The creation of Michigan

EdFred

EdFred

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White Chocolate
The Creation of Michigan

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the
seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call
It Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance"

"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, Northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern
Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.
Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a
continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different
countries "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be
very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land
mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Michigan, the most glorious place on earth.
You'll notice that it is made in the fashion of my hand, the Hand of
God. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling hills. The
people from Michigan are going to be modest, intelligent and
humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They
will be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they
will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaim ed, "What
about balance, God?" "You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting around
Them in Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Canada."
 
And, He placed the intelligent folks in the South where they don't get three feet of snow. :D
 
Who do you feel more comfortbale going into brain surgery with?

"Nurse, would you kindly hand me the scalpel?"
or
"Ok, ya'll better stand back, I'm gonna skin this one like I did that possum I found in the road this mornin!"

QED
 
EdFred said:
Who do you feel more comfortbale going into brain surgery with?

"Nurse, would you kindly hand me the scalpel?"
or
"Ok, ya'll better stand back, I'm gonna skin this one like I did that possum I found in the road this mornin!"

QED
Click to expand...
Nawww... it's more simple than that.

"We're gonna just shoot this one. He ain't no use to us any more. We sure as hell ain't gonna let him go back to the Yankees!"

:D
 
I guess only we Michiganders can appreciate that! :cheerswine:
 
How many Michiganders can explain where they live without holding up their hand and pointed to a spot somewhere in relation to their thumb?
 
Couldn't use the hand when living in the UP.
 
gkainz said:
How many Michiganders can explain where they live without holding up their hand and pointed to a spot somewhere in relation to their thumb?
Click to expand...
Shoot how many Michiganders can count without holding up their hand and point to a spot somewhere in relation to their thumb?

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
The problem with Michigan is ...


oh wait, I don't think the internet is big enough to handle the whole list.
 
Ken Ibold said:
The problem with Michigan is ...


oh wait, I don't think the internet is big enough to handle the whole list.
Click to expand...

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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgement. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"
"Ah, those....." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Michigan. They're still too cold and wet to burn."
 
Please, someone tell a upper joke before people start thinking Edfred's joke had any relation to reality......
 
No relation to reality??

I present exhibit A: Mayor Daley.
 
Pjsmith said:
Please, someone tell a upper joke before people start thinking Edfred's joke had any relation to reality......
Click to expand...

  1. A trip to the islands means a trip to Mackinac and Bois Blanc.
  2. You use the Yooper Rule of Apostrophes: dinty = didn't he; shounta = shouldn't have; and wounta = wouldn't have. Gotta love the U.P. Language!
  3. The word "Eh" seems to find its way onto the end of every sentence.
  4. You leave you beers outside to get cold.
  5. You break something and then fix it with duct tape.
  6. You refer to downtown Iron Mountain as a classic example of urban decay.

    (Thanks to Kasey from Ontonagon and David from Kingsford for the following 21 submissions!)
  7. You know who Patty U. is, and you live 120 miles away.
  8. You can spell Ahmeek, know what Ahmeek means, and know where it is. (You don't know? Then visit HERE.)
  9. You drive to Traverse City to tan on the beaches.
  10. You know what they grow in dat dere Garden Peninsula.
  11. Your bitter family feud comes to a head over the annual Lions-Packers game.
  12. You've ever had a snow day after Mother's Day.
  13. Your county spends more time and money on the snowmobile trails than they do the state highways.
  14. More businesses close in the summer than in the winter due to the season.
  15. You include Wisconsin in "the deep South".
  16. The back door to your camp is a fridge door. Bonus points if you stock that fridge.
  17. You've been to Holiday and ShopKo more times than you care to count, but you've never been to Dunkin Donuts or a 7-11.
  18. The cops have ever pulled you over on a snowmobile.
  19. The police backup in a high speed chase is the DNR.
  20. You only get channels 6 and 13, and you don't mind.
  21. Your camp lacks indoor plumbing and electricity because it's not necessary, but has a stockpile of beer and pork rinds.
  22. You know the four spots in the UP where you can't get "Da Bear".
  23. You run outside barefoot to check the mail - in February - and don't notice the cold.
  24. "Jumping the border" means a beer run to Hurley.
  25. Your first cousins marry, and it doesn't seem out of the ordinary.
  26. Your class valedictorian is a logger.
  27. You have four or more broken down vehicles in your yard. Bonus points if they're snowmobiles.
  28. Your basic vehicle survival kit consists of blankets, pillows, a shovel, and rock salt.
  29. You need a translator when you come to visit:

    payne2004020918716.gif

    (by Henry Payne, © 2004 Detroit News)
  30. You get inspiration from the movie "Escanaba in da Moonlight" by Jeff Daniels.
  31. You think fine dining is a pasty and a Pabst.
  32. You have a bumper sticker that says "Say Ya To Da UP."
  33. Your school has a 8th grade graduation.
  34. You pay the taxes on your camp from the proceeds of beer can returns.
  35. You come home from the bar late at night and your wife asks, "Had a good time dear?"
  36. The smell of snowmobile exhaust reminds you of Last Christmas.
  37. You check your bank balance to see if you can afford to buy four pasties from the pasty sale this week.
  38. You make your own pasties, because who makes them better??? Nobody!!
  39. You plan your vacation around deer season.
  40. You use venison hamburger to make chili.
  41. Going up north means a hunting trip to Canada.
  42. Your neighbor plows your driveway and you pay him back with Yooper currency: a frozen lake trout from your freezer.
  43. You jump out of the sauna and into the lake and you feel that great feeling of the water bubbling off your skin and that great sound of popping as the bubble hit the air.
    -- Special Thanks to Yooper Patty U. of Silver City, MI for sharing that great experience she fondly remembers while visiting Lake Roland.
  44. You only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  45. You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
  46. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  47. You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
  48. Your TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  49. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  50. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
  51. You think everyone from the city has an accent.
  52. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  53. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car... or
  54. One of your cars is a Ski-Doo.
  55. The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
  56. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  57. You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.
  58. Summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).
  59. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  60. You find -20°F a little chilly.
  61. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
  62. You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
  63. Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
  64. You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
  65. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  66. Your parents had their 50th anniversary at the Merwin Creek Campground.
  67. You have two mailboxes, one that is normal for early winter, and one that is seven feet tall and already buried October 2.
  68. You have a door upstairs so that you can go outside in the winter (to get the mail in your seven-foot tall mailbox!).
  69. Your vocabulary includes the following: da, dis, dat, dees, dem and deirs. Also included is the number "tree."
  70. You have a "camp," not a "cottage."
  71. You go "fishing out da camp."
  72. At your wedding you toast with Grape MD20/20 instead of champagne.
  73. You saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and you've been trying ever since.
  74. Your mosquito repellent doubles as your aftershave.
  75. Road Pop is your name for beer.
  76. You actually get these jokes, and forward them to all your Yooper friends.
 
Scott,

I thought he asked someone to post a Yooper joke, not facts and statistics!

I resemble those remarks, eh.

Barb
 
One Short said:
Scott,

I thought he asked someone to post a Yooper joke, not facts and statistics!

I resemble those remarks, eh.

Barb
Click to expand...
You mean like a Enio joke? Or however you spell that name?

One of my mom's friends is a yooper and he sends me all kinds of sill stuff form up there.
 
Like Barb said, most of those are true! And you know what, they are proud of it!
 
Eino and Toivo were roofing their new deer camp out in Mass City. Every now and then Eino would take one of the nails and throw it to the ground. Toivo finally asked, "Hey Eino, what are you doing dat for?". Eino replied,"Some of these nails have da heads on the wrong side, so I am throwing dem away." Toivo chuckled and said, "Eino you dumb sitt! Dose nails are for da otter side of da house".
 
Eino an Toivo ver oot deer huntin and Eino shot himself a ten point buck. It vas taking him forever to drag da buck tru da voods by da legs, what wit da antlers gettin tangled in da brush. Toivo come up and see dis happenin and says "Eino, vat in da vorld are you draggin da buck tru da voods like dat, da antlers will get all caught in da brush!" Eino says "I know Toivo, but if I drag the buck by de udder end, I'll be headin da wrong vay!"
 
As an adopted Yooper, I always love these. (My late Wife was from Calumet - her brother owns Randys Bar. If you're in Calumet go in and say 'HI')
 
Eino goes inta da bar one night, an' sees Limpy sittin der. He buys her a coupla beers and pretty soon he asks "hey, Limpy, how bout we go out to the giggly bush and have a little fun." Limpy responds "I'd love to Eino, but I'm on my menstrual cycle." "No problem" says Eino "you go on your menstrual cycle and I'll follow on my Honda."
 
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