Sac's Rant Thread [rant]

Apparently, I've been dropping the ball, and not five days ago in Time's Square. So, I'll just throw out a few of my latest rants here.

The 2/3d's Rule

Dr. Garstein is a professor of literary fiction. He can put the Hemingway in the sheet of stories sewn together in a fabric of words painstakingly crocheted into a captivating yarn. The thing about Garstein is that he isn't just an expert in the nuances of contrived essay, he is also the authority in nearly all subjects ranging from nuclear astrophysics, to contemplational dynamics. He is, after all, a doctor.

Girl: "My shoulder really hurts."
Garstein: "Well, undress then."
Girl: "Huh?"
Garstein: "I'm a doctor."
Girl: "Oh. So... What's wrong with me?"
Garstein: "Hmm... nice."
Girl: "What?"
Garstein: "It's all in your mind. It's fiction."
Girl: "Um, no it's not."
Garstein, shaking furiously: "Don't question me! I'm a doctor dammit!"

See I don't get to play that card. I feel left out.

Girl: "My shoulder really hurts."
Sac: "Well, let's take a look."
Girl: "I suppose you're going to tell me you're a doctor and tell me to undress."
Sac: "Well, actually... I only have a Master's. So, just, take two thirds of your clothes off and we'll call it a day."

The Bad Lettuce Wrap

They had such a good thing going. Then they started going downhill. First they killed their side salad. They had two salads. They had a big salad, with chicken on it. That was a meal salad. And they had a side salad, which, was a side... salad. A side salad is what you get as a side, when you don't get a meal salad and you want it to go with something like a burger, but you don't eat fries, and don't want to get onion rings, even though they are scrumpdillyumptious. Note that although Ned Flanders is generally credited with inventing the word, it was actually Roald Dahl that came up with it.

Well, lightning struck twice. Last week to the burger place that begins with the letter C on the West coast and the letter H on the East coast and ordered a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, lettuce wrapped. Why they call it that I don't know, it isn't descriptive. It's actually a Western Bacon Double Cheeseburger. One Western One Bacon. Two Cheeseburger patties. I brought it home because I was in the car, and I can't eat it inside the restaurant, and I don't eat in the car. Nope. Don't do it. Won't do it. Wouldn't be prudent. I kind of felt ashamed of going out for a yummy burger when there was so much lunch stuff at home. So I ate it in the garage. Something was just... off. The lettuce had this paper like texture. It was slightly sour. It was green leaf lettuce, not iceberg lettuce. It lacked substance. It just wasn't right. There was a disturbance in the Force.

The thing about green leaf lettuce, is that all lettuces have their place. Green leaf lettuce is great in a salad blend. Iceberg is great for lettuce wrapping. Romaine is perfect for a Ceasar salad. Even kale has it's place. The garbage disposal. Well it happened to me again. I thought it was an anomaly, as I have had problems with that C/H location before. Well yesterday, I arrived at the pub only to find it was shut down, probably by the County SS troopers because somebody complained that they were actually in business and serving people. But that's neither here nor there. I picked up another of the same burger at a different C on the way home. Same thing. Bad move. Next time, if I even give them another shot, I will ask them if they can please use iceberg lettuce. Interestingly, 'iceberg' is the same in Spanish as it is in English. So, 'Lechuga de iceberg.'

The Pizza Girl

Let's face it, 'Burger Girl' is not a career destination. Nor is 'Pizza Girl.' They tend to be intelligent, on an academic track, and are good at interacting with customers. Which, is one of the primary qualifications of those whose job is to interact with customers. And then, occasionally, there is that occasional one. The girl whose academic track is fielded by a bus with less than standard seating capacity.

I don't eat pizza often, but when I do, I post a meme on the Internet featuring a bearded guy in a suit jacket drinking a Mexican beer. Actually that is a lie. I don't do Internet memes. Not even ones featuring two angry women pointing at a smug cat. Although, I'm going to call her 'Jane.' Jane is probably one of them. I don't actually know if her name is Jane, because remembering names is a pain. But suffice to say, that night I had Jane Pain.

Me: "I'll have the Italian meat combo, with anchovies."
Jane: "Of course."

Fast forward a half hour...

Jane: "Here you go!"
Me: I'm staring at the pizza. "Um... there is only like, let's one... two... there is only two anchovies on this entire pizza!"
Jane: "Right. Well, you see, most people don't like anchovies, so we tend not to put very many on."

Now how do you argue with that. But I've seen a lot of that logic in abundance lately. Pretty much ever where I turn.

 

Bus with less than standard seating capacity...

ROFLMAO!

Thanks for the laugh, Sac. M

Today’s fun in IT.

“Where could we possibly be leaking employee SSNs?”

.... blink ....

“Everywhere?”

LOL.

 

So my take on the 2/3rd's rule. A cow-orker brought us McRibs today, because, well, they're a limited time treat, right?

The 1st 2/3rd's was pretty good. But the remaining 1/3rd kinda tasted like a pressed pork product patty covered in second rate bbq sauce served on an overly bleached white bun.

 

Just call in the US Postal Service. Then the SSNs will never get to the destination.

 

This.

 

So the pork product slid 2/3rds of the way out of the bun?

 

Sounds like a rather personal question.

 

I don't hatred McRib. I didn't know they are back. I might rant my way over to McD's to investigate....

 

I like kale.

Yet another ‘If it was a normal person, this would surprise me. But it’s Ted!!!! so........’

cc: @Deelee

 

I don't mind kale, as long as it's been deep fried extra crispy and topped generously with salt.

 

I hatred kale so much. I once ordered a Caesar salad. From a distance I could tell something was wrong. As the waiter approached, I could see that something was.... awry. Instead of the beautiful romaine ever so perfectly kissed with that amazing anchovy-based dressing and large, crunchy croutons.... something looked.... off. The romaine looked - pointy. Evil. Almost as if it were spawned from the depths of hell by lucifer himself. As the waiter got even closer, I could tell this was not an ordinary Caesar salad. No. No, this was a kale Caesar salad.

As the waiter placed the abomination in front of me, I pulled my arm back and swiped the plate from the table with full force. Kale went flying through the air - its hideously tough, bitter leaves mocking me as they lit upon the restaurant floor....

Ok that last part didn't happen. But I didn't eat it. I hatred kale.

 

I have never had Kale because I have been told it is nearly the same as going out to your back yard, to a non-dog contaminated site and eating the grass.

 

Kale is poisonous.

 

I don’t recall much kale in Asian cooking. Perhaps Sac should favor Asian food.

 

In terms of Korean food - I could rant for a long time on Kimchi. I hatred that more than kale, I think. Maybe the same. Both terrible. No fit for human consumption.

 

Well they told you wrong. Grass is far better.

What, you never chewed on the end of a long grass stem as a kid?

 

Not saying. Loose lips sink ships.

 

Been a long time. I forget how it tasted. Too risky to try now where I live due to goose crap and dog crap.

 

That is better than Kale. I guess. Never had either of those. But I have had kale. And anything must taste better than it.

 

Having to choose between dog crap and kale seems to have been a trend lately.

 

My wife once ran kale through the juicer. Then took the remnants and stirred them in with the juice. I respectfully decline to describe the taste and what it felt like inside my mouth because I just cannot do that to the good folks here...

 

After four tours in Korea, I am very familiar with Korean "edibles." Kimchi is something that must be appreciated throughout its lifespan as it gets older and more sour.

That said, Koreans have cast iron digestive systems and can eat things I would only expect to see a cat chew on in a dumpster...

 

I haven't done any time in Korea, but a lot of guys came over to Germany from Korea, and brought their wives and extended families with them. As a result, there was a lot of Korean food available there. One could order giant egg rolls and deep fried giant prawns, hot in foil wrap over the phone, and have them delivered to the barracks. Serious drunk munchie relief.

I actually like kimchi. And it's not just Korean either. It's prevalent all over SE Asia in slightly different forms.

 

I wish I could find a copy of the book about Kimchi that was well written and thoroughly informative by a guy who spent a little time in Korea and was impressed by how much he enjoyed it.

He explains the interaction of the flavors of various ingredients and rice in such a way that you want to put the book down and go get some...

My wife makes some of the best Kimchi on the planet and we go through a 4.8 liter container every six months or so...

 

Perhaps sauerkraut prepared you for the experience since both are fermented cabbage.

 

To me sauerkraut is so so. I like it steamed over brat, but I like kimchi better. But they both have different missions. One is a topping, and the other is a stand alone side dish.

 

I like the Bavarian style more than the regular sauerkraut. Slightly sweeter with the seeds. Never had kimchi though, might have to find a good place to try it.

 

I cook the sauerkraut with a little brown sugar and ale... let it simmer... then put that over the brats (also boiled in beer, then grilled). Mustard.

ah so hungry now................... so hungry I could eat kale.. lol nope

 

That would have to be a really, really good book.

 

I would eat the book first.

 

Bill, is Cow Orking even legal in your state?


-Skip

 

Sac is from California, isn't he? Everything that is legal is illegal and everything illegal is legal. I'm sure orking is legitimate, whether with cows or other livestock

 

California has happy cows. They are happy because someone is orking them. I cannot claim that I have orked a cow, but I've shagged me many a sheep lad. Arrrgh.

(Part Scotch. 1/5th to be precise.)

 

I think I read once that kale is the illicit spawn of ragweed and poison Ivy.

Cheers

 

I ate kale once.

 

I'm not even gonna google orking because I don't want it in any history.............

@X3 Skier I think you nailed it. That is what kale is.

@Bill you survived?? Lucky.

 

Sounds good. The sauerkraut you get in the store in the US is nowhere near as good as that which you get in Germany.

I assume that the operative word is "ONCE".

 

In being stationed there for two years, I don't think I've had sauerkraut once there. I've had some pretty good sauerkraut in New Yawk from street hotdog vendors. Of the local foods in Germany, Jagersnitzel was my favorite.