Steve
En-Route
Some excerpts:
CHICAGO—In its ongoing effort to cut transportation costs and boost profits, United Airlines announced Tuesday that it was exploring the feasibility of herding them into planes and stacking them like cordwood from floor to ceiling.
"If a 747's maximum takeoff weight is 875,000 pounds, then we should be packing that plane with 875,000 pounds,"
"After much trial and error, we've found the most efficient way to stack them is to start with a base of large ones, then put down a layer of medium ones, then fill up all the holes with the smaller ones," operations manager Gary Brown said. "The really tiny ones are great for cramming up in the corners."
Acknowledging concerns that some of them suffer from a fear of flying, the airline announced that it will soon begin forcibly tranquilizing all of them upon arrival at the check-in gate and attaching a small $45 sedation surcharge.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/united_airlines_exploring
CHICAGO—In its ongoing effort to cut transportation costs and boost profits, United Airlines announced Tuesday that it was exploring the feasibility of herding them into planes and stacking them like cordwood from floor to ceiling.
"If a 747's maximum takeoff weight is 875,000 pounds, then we should be packing that plane with 875,000 pounds,"
"After much trial and error, we've found the most efficient way to stack them is to start with a base of large ones, then put down a layer of medium ones, then fill up all the holes with the smaller ones," operations manager Gary Brown said. "The really tiny ones are great for cramming up in the corners."
Acknowledging concerns that some of them suffer from a fear of flying, the airline announced that it will soon begin forcibly tranquilizing all of them upon arrival at the check-in gate and attaching a small $45 sedation surcharge.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/united_airlines_exploring
