Politics (non-political)

Ken Ibold

Ken Ibold

Final Approach
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Feb 21, 2005
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Ken Ibold
Why is it that EVERYTHING these days is who you know or who you've ticked off, rather than what you do? :mad:

Case 1: As you may recall, my son plays little league baseball. He was second on the team in average (.648), led the team in runs scored, second in RBI, first in both fielding percentage and fielding skill, and a real team leader. However, the coach who selected the all-star team bypassed him, I THINK because we beat his team (badly) in the playoffs. (And in that game Parker hit a homer.) The coach selected only one player from my team (vs 3 from his own) and it was a kid I only halfheartedly nominated who is a good hitter but a truly awful fielder.

Case 2: My daughter -- 10 years old and finishing 6th grade -- won second place in the state science fair (the ONLY 6th grader to do so in the state) and had a straight A average. Yet at today's 6th grade awards thing, she did NOT get the science award. That was given to the daughter of the PTA president. She did NOT get recognition of any kind despite the fact that she was the only 6th grader to get straight A's all year (very tough school). The Math Team got medals. The History Fair participants got recognized. The student who got "student of the year" was the son of last year's PTA president.

Now, but there are two dynamics here. First, the whole "awards" thing has blown up in the name of self-esteem such that at a lot of these competitions the trophies are bigger than the kids. (So why does it tick me off they got bypassed?) Second, I probably am biased as a proud papa and there are probably some sour grapes here. But time and again I see people who deserve recognition passed over, while well-connected folks bask. What a disincentive to work hard!

I guess the old saw really is true that it ain't what you know, it's who you know. I just resent it when adults take it out on the kids.

Rant off.
:mad:
 
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Ken, I empathise with your situation.

If you're looking for some kind of silver lining it would have to be what your children are experiencing now is the same they will experience in any medium/large organization.

It's a shame on both accounts:mad:
 
It's truly a shame. Maybe use it as an example to explain to your kids that this is the way things work in real life and it's not going to get any better. Life is not fair.
 
Ken, I have seen what you describe in spades. Sucks, doesn't it?

Most important thing you can do, is what you are already doing: infusing in your kids the absolute knowledge that there is no limit to what they can achieve if they work for it, and equipping them with the character and discipline they'll need to succeed.

With these gifts, they'll far outstrip those kids whose parents have brought them up to believe that, merely by virtue of breathing, they deserve success and recognition.

Life ain't fair, it is true; but "who you know" can, for most, only carry so far, after which what you can do matters.
 
Looks like you've got yourself a couple of "teachable moments" - as unfortunate as it might be (in fact, about all "teachable moments" have the smell of misfortune about them!). Good luck with it, Ken. Sorry it played out that way. And I agree with you - too often it's like that.
 
This sounds like a school for "Future Politicians of America." They promote form over substance.

I think as long as you recognize their performance but let them know it's merely a stepping stone to bigger and better things should they continue to perform, they won't cease in their effort. The most important thing for them to realize is they can live with their actions; that they know in their heart they did well and gave their very best in doing so. Others will indicate achievement but in their hearts will know something was lacking. It's all part of forming character. J.C. Watts quoted his grandfather, "Character is doing what's right when no one is looking."

Ken, it sounds like you're doing a great job with these kids. The true test will come in many years when you see these same traits show up in your grandchildren. I have no doubt you will.
 
Ken. That s*cks! Howev,er I am sure you are making up for it by giving your kids the recognition they deserve. Sounds like they are great kids!
 
Not what you want to hear, but ---
1) Help coach the Little League
2) Work on the PTA
 
Sorry, Ken.

I, too, have noticed how Americans seem have lost the sense of community spirit in favor of "me, Me, ME". Note my rant about driving in DC in another thread.

Having painted with a very broad brush, I do note that there is less courtesy and building/recognizing the folks that truly excel (e.g. team building) in favor of selfishness and greed. I have noted it in spades, more than most other places I've ever been, in San Antonio.
 
Paul Rodriguez: "You know those kids you picked on in shcool? The ones you called nerds? Know what you call them now? Boss!"

Tell your kids to practice what they'll tell the all stars and award winners in 15 years, "No thanks. I don't need the super size."

BTW, this nerd kicked serious butt presenting to other nerds last night. Got a long round of applause. Not bad for a stupid old man who doesn't know current technology.
 
Ken, two things:

One, congratulations on doing a great job of raising your Class A children. You know it just doesn't happen naturally.

Two, I could tell you things to make your head spin. Things of which you speak.

Carry on, dad.
 
Ken Ibold said:
Why is it that EVERYTHING these days is who you know or who you've ticked off, rather than what you do? :mad:

Now, but there are two dynamics here. First, the whole "awards" thing has blown up in the name of self-esteem such that at a lot of these competitions the trophies are bigger than the kids. (So why does it tick me off they got bypassed?) Second, I probably am biased as a proud papa and there are probably some sour grapes here. But time and again I see people who deserve recognition passed over, while well-connected folks bask. What a disincentive to work hard!

I guess the old saw really is true that it ain't what you know, it's who you know. I just resent it when adults take it out on the kids.

Rant off.
:mad:
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Well of course it sucks, but at least there are several quality life lessons here that can benefit them. First is the obvious, life ain't fair, get used to it. More importantly though is "Do what you do well because YOU want to", not for some prize or recognition, simply because it's right, be it occupational or ethical. The reason we strive to do things well should always be "because that's how I feel I should do it." Another lesson, though not yet obvious is, "Rewards for doing well are often delayed, rewards for doing poorly are typically immediate (and potentially fatal)."

If you always do your best, you may not be recognized for it, but you never have to be ashamed of it either.
 
The reason we strive to do things well should always be "because that's how I feel I should do it."
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Good point.

And that is where the consolation is when you've done well over the long haul and the mediocre are still getting the flashy rewards. The fact that this is bothering you shows that joining the PTA probably won't help. I served a term, years ago, on my local school board and decided that my goal for my children was a good education...not recognition.

Keep up the good work, Ken.
 
This kind of behavior is an outgrowth of the emphasis on child self-esteem rather than achievement. Parents will stoop to anything if they have put too much emphasis on self-esteem. Think of how their kids are going to turn out--selfish. Moreover, the kids probably aren't going to pay a lot of attention to mom and dad unless they can get something from mom and dad or unless it's convenient. Surely not out of love. Your kids, on the other hand, will pay attention to you out of love when they grow up. Don't be ****ed off at the parents, pity them because they will be pitiable indeed in a few years.

Judy
 
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