more humor from NOAA

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by DeeG, Jan 26, 2006.

  1. DeeG

    DeeG Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,011
    Location:
    Cashmere, WA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    DeeG
    Hope you guys don't mind me posting these, they crack me up!

    http://www.nwac.us/products/SABNW

    WEATHER SYNOPSIS FOR THURSDAY AND FRIDAY

    Out with the old,
    In with the new-
    Clouds have arrived,
    Gone is the blue.

    The westerly flow’s,
    Pounding on the door-
    Puttin’ snow on the crust,
    And load on the hoar.

    Showers this morning,
    Then more snow after that
    At least temps stay low,
    About where they’re at.

    This creates more weak layers
    And buries the hoar-
    Makes Friday thru Sunday,
    Anything but a bore.

    Friday’s showers and winds,
    Should increase by night-
    Making the weekend,
    A rather dangerous delight.

    A good front Saturday,
    Windy, snowy and cool-
    Should make slabs more likely,
    As a reasonable rule.

    Then warming on Sunday
    With heavy rain or wet snow-
    Should make bigger slabs,
    More than ready to go.

    Danger should climb,
    And it might not stop-
    Until it reaches,
    Pretty close to the top.

    So if you’re plannin’ this weekend,
    To sample the snow-
    Make sure you’re prepared-
    And know how to go.

    Be aware and be cautious,
    Be objective and think-
    And don’t go ahead,
    If red lights blink.

    There will be other times,
    Other slopes and great snow-
    And you’ll be much better off
    If that’s when you go.
     
  2. RotaryWingBob

    RotaryWingBob En-Route Gone West

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    2,606
    Location:
    Chester County, PA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    iHover
    Your tax dollars at work :)
     
  3. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    I love it. I picture some frustrated poet sitting in a cubicle down at the NWAC, trying to liven up her job, just trying to make it through the week to Friday, when she will take her guitar down to the local coffeehouse for open mic night and sing her latest weather ballad. She calls her boyfriend and tells him about her meteorologic poetry, and he laughs. That really stings -- no one understands her....
     
    fgcason likes this.
  4. Ken Ibold

    Ken Ibold Final Approach

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,888
    Location:
    Jacksonville, Florida
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ken Ibold
    The boyfriend flips his cell phone shut and stares at it for a minute. "She's such a flake, but she has such a killer bod. Ugh. I gotta find someone a little more normal," he thinks to himself. "I wonder what's on ESPN."
     
  5. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    She places her office phone gently in its cradle. "What a jerk," she mutters. "When will I learn?" She grabs her jacket from the hook on the back of the door and taps down the tiled hallway, hands stuffed in her pockets.

    "I have a dental appointment," she says to the receptionist. "Be back at two."

    Outside, a brisk wind blows her hair back. She heads down to the corner bar and goes inside. It is only eleven o'clock, and it is still empty. The smell of frying onions emanates from the kitchen. The bartender is wiping down the counter. He looks up at her questioningly. "Give me a Bloody Mary," she snaps. "No celery."
     
  6. fgcason

    fgcason En-Route

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    3,620
    Location:
    Nomad
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Frank Cason
    ======

    "No aquarium can begin to duplicate the conditions of the sea. And no dolphin who inhabits one of those aquariums can be considered normal." Jacques Yves Cousteau

    Once there was a penguin who loved to dance.
    His name was...Normal

    The other penguins did penguin things.
    They swam, they waddled, they hopped in and out of the water.
    They would even lay around on blocks of ice.

    But all Normal wanted to do was dance.

    When the other penguins walked by, he tried to act like them.
    But the music always got to him.
    So they ignored him.
    But Normal didn't let it get him down.
    Instead, he got down.

    Remember...
    There's something Normal about everyone.

    ======

    A kindred acquaintance of mine wrote that and put together a very excellent video with it but I do not have permission to post the link.

    Some of us really do understand...

    Signed,
    Normal the Penguin.
     
  7. cherokeeflyboy

    cherokeeflyboy Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    720
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Cherokeeflyboy
    After her liquid lunch, she meets KD. "Finally, I have met a REAL man." She says to herself!
     
  8. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    Frank, that is beautiful. Thank you.
     
  9. RotaryWingBob

    RotaryWingBob En-Route Gone West

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    2,606
    Location:
    Chester County, PA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    iHover
    The bartender grunts, and looks at her for the first time, but says nothing else. After ten or fifteen seconds, he speaks out in a harsh, strident voice "What is it with you uptown jerks? This here's a corner bar -- we don't do none of them fancy uptown drinks.?"

    "Look, lady, we got beer. We got shots. We got beer and shots. Now what do youse want?"
     
  10. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    LOL! Things heatin' up.
     
  11. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    And yet another new direction! Oh my, very good.
     
  12. kath

    kath Administrator Management Council Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,375
    Location:
    Anchorage, AK
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Katherine
    She bit back a sharp retort, and instead cast a glance out the window. Even through the dust and the streaks, she could see that it was a beautiful sunny day.

    "Forget it," she told the bartender, gathering her things quickly. "I'm going flying instead."

    --Kath
     
  13. kath

    kath Administrator Management Council Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,375
    Location:
    Anchorage, AK
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Katherine
    Ooops, I just realized that this last development in the story conflicts with the snowy weather report which started the whole thing... Haha. I need to hire one of those "consistency" experts that they have on movies...

    --Kath
     
  14. fgcason

    fgcason En-Route

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    3,620
    Location:
    Nomad
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Frank Cason
    Then she realized that while the daydream was a nice one, reality wasn't buying in on it so she went to the hangar to clean the plane instead.

    After a pleasant hour or so she went home and found the answering machine light blinking. It was him wanting to make sure the trip was still on for the ball game next week...
    After half an hour she dials the number...
    "You're on your own, the plane is broke."
    "But it's 400 miles. I can't drive that far. Fix it."
    "Call Delta."
    CLICK
    ...as she finishes drawing another really long line onto the far side of the adjacent sectional...
     
  15. wsuffa

    wsuffa Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    23,121
    Location:
    DC Suburbs
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Bill S.
    The smell of the onions wafts along with the smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke from the night before. Pity, she thinks, considering the time she could have spent here the last few nights, instead of cooking at home. She shudders and says to the bartender "Make it a double".

    She looks around. The sheen of the brown bar is made darker by the dim lights overhead. Sunlight just doesn't reach into this corner of the city, buried deep between the tall buildings. The steamy windows, flash memories of why she took the guy home in the first place. "Thick beef steaks on the menu today, Ma'am!" as the bartender brings her drink and a small menu. "You think you'll have lunch today?"

    Just then, a shaft of light brightens the room as the front door opens and someone walks in.
     
  16. DeeG

    DeeG Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,011
    Location:
    Cashmere, WA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    DeeG

    I hate butting in on the great story that is developing here, but.....
    according to John, my radio tech and future cousin in law, the guy that writes this stuff isn't paid with tax $$. This report is put together through donations/monies from various agencies and clubs that would benefit from the service. Kinda cool. I guess that's why he sometimes takes liberty with his report.
     
  17. Richard

    Richard Final Approach

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    9,078
    Location:
    West Coast Resistance
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ack...city life
    "What's up with this guy?", she thinks inwardly. "Are all men such jerks?" She carefully composes her reply to the bartender...just then a young man walks in the door carrying a shot gun and a bucket. A kitten strolls in behind him. She notices he has gold braid epulets on his white shirt. Does she dare ask...?
     
  18. Henning

    Henning Ejection Handle Pulled

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    39,481
    Location:
    Ft Lauderdale FL
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    iHenning
    I could only hope that the taxpayer gets to pay for that quality of service. Ususally what we pay for is much poorer than that.
     
  19. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    Verrrry interesting, Richard.
     
  20. L10MAN

    L10MAN Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Messages:
    210
    Location:
    Mooresburg, TN
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
    Ah come on guys, you can't stop now!
    Ron
     
  21. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    Her double Bloody Mary in hand, she looks the newcomer up and down. He is wearing a gray silk shirt open at the neck, low rider jeans and black lizard boots. His belt buckle is silver -- intricate and mysterious. He is wearing a black felt Stetson hat.

    "Bring two steaks," she says to the bartender. She gestures to the bar stool next to her.

    The stranger smiles. "Don't mind if I do. I've never seen you here before. Are you new in town?"

    "I've lived here for twelve years. I've just never gotten out of my cubicle before. Or maybe I never wanted to."

    "What kind of work do you do?" he asks.

    "I'm in the weather poetry business," she says. "But I'm starting to think I need a new career. Either that, or a new guy."

    "Dump the poetry," he says.
     
  22. kath

    kath Administrator Management Council Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,375
    Location:
    Anchorage, AK
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Katherine
    She smiled sweetly, yet apologeticly. "I'd love to," she said, "but I'm allergic to cats."
    The kitten began to hiss.

    ....
    Kath
     
  23. mattaxelrod

    mattaxelrod Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Messages:
    319
    Location:
    Fanwood, NJ
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Matt
    Hey, is there gonna be any nudity in this story? :rolleyes:
     
  24. PoAdeleted5

    PoAdeleted5 Deleted by User Request

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Messages:
    385
    deleted.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2006
  25. SkyHog

    SkyHog Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    18,480
    Location:
    Castle Rock, CO
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Everything Offends Me
    "Forget it," she exclaims as she proceeds to pound the Bloody Mary in two gulps. She is instantly drunk, as her body has no useful tolerance to alcohol any longer.

    "Give me another," she says to the bartender, obviously slurring her speech.

    "I think you've had enough," he replies. He looks her over intently, and with a gleam in his eye, adds "or not enough...."
     
  26. jesse

    jesse Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2005
    Messages:
    15,775
    Location:
    Lincoln, NE
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Jesse
    Wow....Thanks for the read everyone!
     
  27. Carol

    Carol Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    928
    Location:
    SC
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Carol
    Henning's the name. Just back from Oz. Can't bear to see a lady pilot get herself messed up over frivilous stuff. Pull yourself together or you will lose your medical, mate.

    She looked at the stranger and knew he was right. To hell with the guitar, the weather, the boyfriend, with everything. I am what I am. I'm going flying.

    "Not in the left seat you're not. Eight hours have to pass, you knew that. Now settle down, get something decent in your stomach, and tomorrow we'll go flying. And somebody get that damn cat out of here."

    She knew he was right. She bundled her stuff and made her way home. She knew somehow that tomorrow would be different. That nice pilot would meet her at the airport and she'd go flying.
     
  28. judypilot

    judypilot Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    700
    Location:
    Viola, ID
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Judy Parrish
    "Do you like dogs?", she asked.

    He grinned. "I've got a big old lab at home. Friendliest dog I've ever met."

    Her heart rate shot up. Oh my god, she thought. A pilot AND dog lover. Good looking, too. I wonder if he means it about flying tomorrow?
     
  29. Anthony

    Anthony Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    18,618
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Anthony
    Only "psychological nudity" (borrowed from Michael Savage)

    :)
     
  30. Shipoke

    Shipoke Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,171
    Location:
    Harrisburg Pa
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    shipoke
    to apease Matt
    She slam down another,and heads for the jukebox.
    puts in her money and plays a song.
    jumps up on the bar,strips off her clothes.and looks at the stranger and says.
    Can this really be wrong
     
  31. Dave Siciliano

    Dave Siciliano Final Approach

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    6,434
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Siciliano
    Jeesee you guys!! This was getting real intersting.

    I was gonna wait at least a couple more frames for the nudity.

    Now, I've lost interest in this common, bar.....uh girl.
     
  32. tom.

    tom. Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    205
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom
    He sighs, jingling the keys in his pocket. The flying lessons were just a joke at first, but unbeknownst to her, he had become a "natural" and finished up in 40 hours.

    Less than 30 minutes later, he pulled the antiquated master knob and tugged the starter T handle, bringing the O-300 to a loping idle. "Best 20 grand I ever spent," he proclaimed. His 22-year -old flight instructor agreed, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulders. "Let's go!" she said.
     
  33. fgcason

    fgcason En-Route

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    3,620
    Location:
    Nomad
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Frank Cason
    A crumpled piece of paper laying on the ground behind the plane lightly blew into the snowbank.

    Though wadded up, it appeared to read as:

    "WEATH SYNSIS HRSDAY AND FRID

    Out wih the o
    n th the new-
    Couds hve arved,
    Gon is th blue."
     
  34. Toby

    Toby Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,075
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Toby Speed
    Great!!
     
  35. Dave Krall CFII

    Dave Krall CFII Final Approach

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    5,022
    Location:
    Seattle WA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Krall CFII SEL SES, Cmcl HELI
    He sees that look in her eyes that only an Aviatrix can posess and thinks to himself,
    "I'm liking this airline pilot training more every day, but now I gotta find another place for this kitty in the joke!"
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2006
  36. etsisk

    etsisk En-Route

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,325
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    iYiYi
    He sits carefully at the bar, making certain to not look the kitten in the eye. He knows from experience what can happen when you look the kitten in the eye, and it wasn't pretty, either time.

    Leaving the kitten to it's shot and a beer, he turns to the bartender and says, . . .
     
  37. fgcason

    fgcason En-Route

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    3,620
    Location:
    Nomad
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Frank Cason
    "Barkeep! DO NOT move this bucket for at least two hours after I walk out that door!"

    He suddenly flips the bucket over, bottom side up, and BAM!
    She jumps at the sound of the bucket hitting the floor.
    He flips a bar stool over and sets it on top of the bucket carefully wedging the stool leg under a heavy table.
    There's a single very quiet muffled meow from under the bucket.

    She stares at him as he leans the shotgun up against the bar.
    He looks her in the eyes and casually shrugs. "It was either the bucket or the shotgun. That damned cat has been following me around for days."
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2006
  38. Richard

    Richard Final Approach

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    9,078
    Location:
    West Coast Resistance
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ack...city life
    Frank! (said in my best Forrest Gump, "LT Dan!" voice)

    I had no idea you were so creative. You excel in creative writing!
     
    fgcason likes this.
  39. Richard

    Richard Final Approach

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    9,078
    Location:
    West Coast Resistance
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ack...city life
    A young FO walks into a bar....none of you have heard that joke?
     
  40. Dave Krall CFII

    Dave Krall CFII Final Approach

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    5,022
    Location:
    Seattle WA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Krall CFII SEL SES, Cmcl HELI
    A-firm...
    And a great aviation classic it shall remain but, it is not immune from the ravages of our rhetorical transmutations of it.