Richard
Final Approach
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2005
- Messages
- 9,076
- Location
- West Coast Resistance
- Display Name
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Ack...city life
Ednowlin said,
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The FA looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Did you hear that NASA recently but a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They're calling it the herd shot around the world.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting cold so they lit a fire to keep warm. It sank, proving once again you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain for a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A woman had twins and put them up for adoption. One went to a family in Eygpt and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain and was named Juan. Years later Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. She remarked to her husband that she wished she had a picture of her other child as well. Her husband said, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Some friars decided to open a small florist shop to raise funds for their church. Since everyone liked buying flowers from the men of God, the rival florist complained and asked the friars to close. The friars ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughtest, toughest thug around. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store to pursuade them to close saying he'd be back if they didn't. Terrified, the friars quickly closed their shop, thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
During Sunday morning service all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress, is that your Easter dress?" The girl replied, speaking directly into the pastor's microphone, "Yes, and my mommy says it's a ***** to iron."
A guy boards a train heading for Pittsburgh and sits down. He immeditely notices the guy next to him has a deeply bruised black eye. "Heck, what a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The man explains, "I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase my ticket I accidently blurted out, "'I would like a picket to Tittsburgh' so she sucker punched me." The man continued by say, "So how did you get yours?"
The other guy explained, "I was at the breakfast table and I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass me the box of Wheaties' but I accidently blurted out, 'You ruined my life, you stupid *****'".
This if for you Ed. Y'all can join in too.Cute...I needed something to make me smile.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The FA looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Did you hear that NASA recently but a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They're calling it the herd shot around the world.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting cold so they lit a fire to keep warm. It sank, proving once again you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain for a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A woman had twins and put them up for adoption. One went to a family in Eygpt and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain and was named Juan. Years later Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. She remarked to her husband that she wished she had a picture of her other child as well. Her husband said, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Some friars decided to open a small florist shop to raise funds for their church. Since everyone liked buying flowers from the men of God, the rival florist complained and asked the friars to close. The friars ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughtest, toughest thug around. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store to pursuade them to close saying he'd be back if they didn't. Terrified, the friars quickly closed their shop, thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
During Sunday morning service all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress, is that your Easter dress?" The girl replied, speaking directly into the pastor's microphone, "Yes, and my mommy says it's a ***** to iron."
A guy boards a train heading for Pittsburgh and sits down. He immeditely notices the guy next to him has a deeply bruised black eye. "Heck, what a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The man explains, "I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase my ticket I accidently blurted out, "'I would like a picket to Tittsburgh' so she sucker punched me." The man continued by say, "So how did you get yours?"
The other guy explained, "I was at the breakfast table and I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass me the box of Wheaties' but I accidently blurted out, 'You ruined my life, you stupid *****'".