Dealing with a worried mom

[ScottM]

I am in Sarasota Florida today to visit mom and see ho she is dealing with her radiation and chemo. Well that at least is going good. But yesterday there were to small plane crashes here.

The first was what appears to be a Cherokee 140 that had an engine issue and made a succesfull off airport landing allong a road. Pilot, pax, and plane are all undamaged. Good job to them!!

The second was a Commander 112 that had just taken off and had some difficulties, apparently something to do with the engine. They were cleared back to SRQ. They were trying to land on runway 04. The approach is over Sarasota Bay and they did not make the airport and ditched. The water there is about 5 feet deep and they were able to swim away where a boater picked them up. They only had minor injuries but the plane is a loss. Good job again guys and handling it well.

So today you can imagine the urging I am getting to quit my 'dangerous' hobby.

Sigh!

 

[RotaryWingBob]

I hear you, Scott. I know people who everytime they hear about a crash insist on calling my wife to see if it was me...

 

[Anthony]

I hear you, Scott. I know people who everytime they hear about a crash insist on calling my wife to see if it was me...

That's just wrong. These people need to get a life.

 

[AdamZ]

Scott tell you mom that if she has faith in you ( I'm sure she does) That she knows you can handle an emgergency situation as well as either of these pilots who walked away ( or swam as the case may be) or even better.

 

[Laurie]

That's just wrong. These people need to get a life.

That may be true, but a lot of non-flyers just don't 'get it'. Aviation is a fairly small community so many of the poor souls who don't fly think we all know each other. It's also viewed as dangerous because we're 'way up there'. My little brother lives in Omaha and when I hear about a big car pile up on I-80 you bet I call him - maybe I don't specifically ask if he was in the pile up, but I like to make sure he's ok. Maybe the intent with some people to call anyone they know who knows someone that is a pilot after an accident happens anywhere in the world is gossip, but I'd like to think that it's a general concern that everything is ok.

It's simply a lack of understanding.

 

[wbarnhill]

It's simply a lack of understanding.

Yep yep.

 

[Lawreston]

That's just wrong. These people need to get a life.

Then again, following a terrible 4-fatality crash of a Skyhawk into a mountain of Maine, one of our own e-mailed me to inquire of my own well-being. Thoughtful, thanks.

HR

 

[fgcason]

So today you can imagine the urging I am getting to quit my 'dangerous' hobby.

Use the same response I do: "Why? So I can be killed on the road instead of maybe having to land in a field and have to walk out?"


When I was learning to fly, if everyone was out doing something, my mom always checked in about when I was supposed to get home. I finally asked her why since she has always flown with my dad and never had the slightest problem with airplanes. Her response: "I'm not worried about your flying even if something goes wrong. It's the drive to/from the airport that worries me."

 

[ScottM]

Use the same response I do: "Why? So I can be killed on the road instead of maybe having to land in a field and have to walk out?"


When I was learning to fly, if everyone was out doing something, my mom always checked in about when I was supposed to get home. I finally asked her why since she has always flown with my dad and never had the slightest problem with airplanes. Her response: "I'm not worried about your flying even if something goes wrong. It's the drive to/from the airport that worries me."

Mom does not worry about driving, just the flying. Part of it has to do with her witnessing an air crash. If you remember that Cessna that was hit by a F-16 just after take off from KSRQ. Well she saw it and the debris landed less than a mile from her house.

In her mind it is safer to be on the ground

 

[Skip Miller]

In her mind it is safer to be on the ground

She's right. No sense in trying to refute that thought as you will just lose credibility in the effort.

You need to emphasize that which you do to minimize the risks to a point that you find acceptable. Hopefully she will accept the fact that her little boy has good judgement and will tone down the worrying a bit. Good luck with the effort!

-Skip

 

[fgcason]

Mom does not worry about driving, just the flying. Part of it has to do with her witnessing an air crash. If you remember that Cessna that was hit by a F-16 just after take off from KSRQ. Well she saw it and the debris landed less than a mile from her house.

That makes sense to some extent. I mean seeing someone get disassembled inflight which is a memorable occasion because it is so extremely rare. However has anyone considered the daily carnage on the roads? Or has the lethal road carnage become insignificant background noise? I mean even plastic tarps over the seat area of a vehicle at a crash scene 10ft away doesn't raise an eyebrow anymore but the one off freak airplane nonevent incident is front page news for a week.

In her mind it is safer to be on the ground

IMO the only way to get around an emotional response to a situation is to step back and put it into proper perspective in a rational manner. Getting the person to stand back from the emotion of a situation and think rationally is often a bit difficult. There's no quick easy answer to this one.

 

[Henning]

I am in Sarasota Florida today to visit mom and see ho she is dealing with her radiation and chemo. Well that at least is going good. But yesterday there were to small plane crashes here.

So today you can imagine the urging I am getting to quit my 'dangerous' hobby.

Sigh!

"It's sweet that you worry about me mom, but, I'm not quitting." Mom's worry, it's what they do. after awhile, they mellow out. I took my mom flying once, and that was an achievment, but after I walked away from a couple crashes and come through some trials at sea, she took on an air of resignation to it. Now it's more "They're paying you well for that right?" "Yes Mom". Occassionally there comes a "You still sure about all this?", but not often.

 

[AuntPeggy]

I am in Sarasota Florida today to visit mom and see ho she is dealing with her radiation and chemo. Well that at least is going good. But yesterday there were to small plane crashes here.

Deal with the real problem--Mom is scared. She has a scary disease. She is depending upon you for support. She is scared of losing you.

Mom: Quit your dangerous hobby.
You: I love you, Mom. I'm going to be here for you as long as you need me. (Big hug) I'm going to keep coming back to be with you and flying helps me do it. (More hugs) I need you, too. I love you. I need you there for me, too. (Hold your Mom)
-Aunt Peggy

 

[etsisk]

Deal with the real problem--Mom is scared. She has a scary disease. She is depending upon you for support. She is scared of losing you...

First of all, Aunt Peggy is absolutely spot on, here - no question, this is what's going on. Hugs, followed by reassurance, followed by more hugs. Lather, rinse, repeat . . .

Second of all, well, you've just GOT to listen to someone named Aunt Peggy. I mean, really . . .

 

[eLiz]

Just wanted to second the opinion that Aunt Peggy is absolutely spot-on. My mom worries about flying for various reasons, and it's truly such a deeply engrained emotional response that reassurance is really the most kind reaction. Trying to appeal to reason often isn't really helpful when the person is dealing with a lot of other stress in their life, particularly trying to simply dismiss all their fears as irrational. Hugs and reassurance are the most comforting (and respectful) response when it's family.

 

[bkreager]

There was a plane crash in Ottumwa last October, so I called my mom before the news story could air to tell her that it wasn't me, my school, or anyone I know. I've found it very hard to break my grandmother's fear of me flying, I heard that her friend was killed in a small plane crash years and years ago. Nearly impossible to overcome that. I still try to do the best I can with explaining my training and talking about every airplane emergency that she sees on TV.