So I am amazed at the moldering drivel and outright slag the TV pitch-persons hurl at us, in an (apparently-effective) effort to mesmerize us in to buying things we never knew we'd need...
Maxi-Pads - I mean, really, which is better? Seeing feminine hygiene ads at supper time (urp...), or having to explain to Very Young Children exactly what they're about? And who, for the love of all that is holy and decent, ever came up with the idea that a Maxi-Pad is, like, equivalent (or in any way analogous) to a Mechanical Bull? Help me out girls - is there something I am missing here?
Viagra, Cialis, Etc. - OK, let's be real here... does something happen when folks get into their sixties to where the feminine partner suddenly, like, wants a whole buncha that, or is this just criminal fraud? Long strolls along the beach in the misty sunset, dinner by candlelight, and a Little Blue Pill to make it all work out. As long as it does not last longer than four hours.
Enzyte - That plastic-faced, Stepford-wife Fembot - Does she do it for you? Not for me. How about it ladies? Does Plastic Man make your parts quiver, or is it more than a little bit frightening?
Quilted Charmin' - Again, with the supper-time imagery. How many of you like to visualize poo-paper clinging to the butt? Whether it's a cute little bear, or the unbathed TSA agent who just wanded you, no one, but no one, wants to see, hear or think about flecks of azzwipe in the affected region.
Every Pharmaceutical Ad - Drug ads are a pox. (May cause itchy patches on your gluteus maximus, delusions of adequacy, loss of color vision, very small rocks, lead, a duck, or extended severe bouts of moist flatus of the rectum. Consult with your physician.)
Sham-Wow - "It's from Germany, so you KNOW it's good!"
Umm, hello, so were Hitler and Goebbels. Just sayin'...
Maxi-Pads - I mean, really, which is better? Seeing feminine hygiene ads at supper time (urp...), or having to explain to Very Young Children exactly what they're about? And who, for the love of all that is holy and decent, ever came up with the idea that a Maxi-Pad is, like, equivalent (or in any way analogous) to a Mechanical Bull? Help me out girls - is there something I am missing here?
Viagra, Cialis, Etc. - OK, let's be real here... does something happen when folks get into their sixties to where the feminine partner suddenly, like, wants a whole buncha that, or is this just criminal fraud? Long strolls along the beach in the misty sunset, dinner by candlelight, and a Little Blue Pill to make it all work out. As long as it does not last longer than four hours.
Enzyte - That plastic-faced, Stepford-wife Fembot - Does she do it for you? Not for me. How about it ladies? Does Plastic Man make your parts quiver, or is it more than a little bit frightening?
Quilted Charmin' - Again, with the supper-time imagery. How many of you like to visualize poo-paper clinging to the butt? Whether it's a cute little bear, or the unbathed TSA agent who just wanded you, no one, but no one, wants to see, hear or think about flecks of azzwipe in the affected region.
Every Pharmaceutical Ad - Drug ads are a pox. (May cause itchy patches on your gluteus maximus, delusions of adequacy, loss of color vision, very small rocks, lead, a duck, or extended severe bouts of moist flatus of the rectum. Consult with your physician.)
Sham-Wow - "It's from Germany, so you KNOW it's good!"
Umm, hello, so were Hitler and Goebbels. Just sayin'...
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