My wife and dog were killed in a car accident. How to get help without revoking medical?

S

SadAirman

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Title. I am pretty messed up mentally over the whole thing and just want to get right. I have a 3rd class medical and am an owner; flying is my one true passion. Is there any way I can seek help without risking a medical deferral? I haven't flown since the event and don't plan to until I can get my head straight.

I've looked into basic med, but my doctor is not comfortable with it and it's more of a hassle to switch doctors just to check this box off. I will consider this if it's my only option though.
 
Ask other pilots that you know are on basic med for dr names.

For mental and emotional help…spiritual advisor such as priest, pastor, rabbi. You don’t need to follow the faith for help.

You’re on the right track to ground yourself for the time being.

A horrible tragedy you’re experiencing is not simple, not trivial, to come to terms with, as you know. It will take time, lots of time, and good friends to support you.
 
condolences on your loss. I had a squadronmate lose his wife in a car accident 2 years ago. He isn't interested in the airlines or flying civilian (and with two daughters in the house that certainly became a non-starter as a widower) so he doesn't care about FAA medicals, but the military allowed him to get back in the cockpit relatively quickly. I only relate this to offer you an anecdote that these things certainly take time, but there are avenues to regain some semblance of normalcy in life, even if things will never be the same again. Take care.
 
Remember that help doesn’t automatically mean drugs. Start with simple counseling.

If you go to drugs, stay in the CACI space. For bereavement, antidepressant medication can be used six months or less and you have to be stable after being off them for 3 months. Consult with an AME as to what the FAA is looking for in the clinical report.

But remember - health first. If you need to, go outside these guidelines and come back and deal with the SI.

https://www.faa.gov/about/office_or...guide/app_process/exam_tech/item47/amd/table/
 
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Sorry to hear this I can't imagine. Maybe talk to a pastor or someone who isn't medical. A lot of churches have counseling programs. Find a place to get basic med. I realize everything seems super hard right now but basic med is easy after you find the doc or doc in a box who will do it.
 
Whether you are religious or not, talking to a pastor, priest or rabbi is a really good place to start. You might also look into grief groups. They are sometimes affiliated with an area church, and sometimes they aren't. Talking with other people who have been where you are can really help, even if they aren't technically counsellors.
 
Go flying with a cfi. If nothing else you will feel better for an hour or two

pretty certain any medical dr can sign; doesn’t need to be your primary care physician. My buddy was visiting his ENT for a post surgery check and got basic med sign off. Another just went to local urgent care clinic
 
Condolences to you. I can't imagine the pain and anguish you're going through. Please find someone you can talk with..a close friend, clergy, etc. The suggestions you've received are sound. Best wishes to you.
 
Sorry for your loss. Sad tragedy and I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I would get involved in a local church and talk to a pastor for starters.
 
As others have suggested, the counseling and some drugs are not the problem, it’s the diagnosis and circumstances. Situational depression can happen to any normal person.
 
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A little while ago I had some issues to deal with. I found a local retired psychologist on Next Door and she really helped me. I paid her directly. Since I'm light sport, this was not an issue for me. However I got the help I needed and there would have been no reason for anything to end up on my medical record. She was quite inexpensive as well. I might add this lady had a lifetime of experience and I was surprised how quickly she understood my issues and was able to guide me to coming to terms and changing my outlook for the better. It was the first time I had ever talked to a professional and was really surprised how it helped me.
 
If you belong to AOPA, call them and ask for advice. They can tell you how to avoid things the FAA might find objectionable. We all know we have to report visits to medical professionals, so the advice to find counseling from a priest or rabbi or other non-medical professional make sense to me.
 
*I am not religious

Lots of priests have much of the same training as insurance billing industry types

Just keep it off your insurance/name

Sorry for your loss
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
If you belong to AOPA, call them and ask for advice. They can tell you how to avoid things the FAA might find objectionable. We all know we have to report visits to medical professionals, so the advice to find counseling from a priest or rabbi or other non-medical professional make sense to me.
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No

That’s like asking AAA for legal advice
 
I am very sorry for your loss. As others have said, take care of your self first.

Matthew said:
I’m really sorry for your loss

A quick look at FAA:

https://www.faa.gov/about/office_or...aam/ame/guide/app_process/app_history/item19/


>>>
The applicant should list visits for counseling only if related to a personal substance abuse or psychiatric condition.
<<<
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Ten posts in we have the correct answer. The FAA supports you going to therapy. You don't even have to disclose it in your next medical app unless diagnosed with a psychiatric condition. If you're overly concerned, talk to a faith leader, who will have no interest in diagnosing you with anything. Or go to a therapist and explain the situation, that you're a pilot, that you aren't interested in a diagnosis, you just want to talk, and that you'll pay cash. I wish you all the best.
 
'therapy' from lic. medical professionals is reportable. Get the help you need.
 
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AKBill said:
I too lost my wife recently December 22. My heart goes out to you. PM me if you care to talk. Reach out for counseling, it does not need to be a professional, just someone you can talk to. Take Care.
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I didn't know that either Bill. I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing ok.
 
AKBill said:
I too lost my wife recently December 22. My heart goes out to you. PM me if you care to talk. Reach out for counseling, it does not need to be a professional, just someone you can talk to. Take Care.
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I didn’t know, Bill. Very sorry to hear. Take care of yourself.
 
Sorry for your loss. Ask around, someone will know a therapist who you can talk with off book.
 
Mental health is far more important than flying; situational depression should be treated, and reported. I doubt it will be particularly heinous to get your next medical.
 
Get a puppy. A needy, enthusiast bundle of love living with you will help.

This advice does not, unfortunately but emphatically, apply to women.

Sorry for your troubles. Condolences for sure!

-Skip
 
SadAirman said:
Title. I am pretty messed up mentally over the whole thing and just want to get right. I have a 3rd class medical and am an owner; flying is my one true passion. Is there any way I can seek help without risking a medical deferral? I haven't flown since the event and don't plan to until I can get my head straight.

I've looked into basic med, but my doctor is not comfortable with it and it's more of a hassle to switch doctors just to check this box off. I will consider this if it's my only option though.
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Good suggestions to seek a spiritual adviser. I don't believe drugs would be an answer. In addition to putting your medical in jeopardy, they are no more than a crutch. There are very, very tough things in life that must faced and dealt with.
 
geneseib said:
Good suggestions to seek a spiritual adviser. I don't believe drugs would be an answer. In addition to putting your medical in jeopardy, they are no more than a crutch. There are very, very tough things in life that must faced and dealt with.
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Drugs are absolutely necessary for *some* people, just as crutches are for those with a broken leg. We can't possibly know without being the OPs doctor, but we shouldn't imply that they aren't advantageous in some circumstances. Especially in the US, which is often very "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" even when better solutions are available. I mean, the therapy sessions that many in this thread are talking about are crutches also. I'm team crutch!

Dude should use every tool necessary to get out from under a terrible situation.
 
172andyou said:
Drugs are absolutely necessary for *some* people, just as crutches are for those with a broken leg. We can't possibly know without being the OPs doctor, but we shouldn't imply that they aren't advantageous in some circumstances. Especially in the US, which is often very "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" even when better solutions are available. I mean, the therapy sessions that many in this thread are talking about are crutches also. I'm team crutch!

Dude should use every tool necessary to get out from under a terrible situation.
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Unless the guy has actual chemical depression, there is very little that will help him in the long term with drugs. The guy just lost his wife and dog. He should be very sad, and actually being able to grieve is healthier than just pretending he's fine with drugs.
 
SkyChaser said:
Unless the guy has actual chemical depression, there is very little that will help him in the long term with drugs. The guy just lost his wife and dog. He should be very sad, and actually being able to grieve is healthier than just pretending he's fine with drugs.
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PTSD, which this might well be, can be successfully treated with drugs.
Depression caused by grief can be successfully treated with drugs.

It's a very common, but very wrong, thing to say that drugs mask the pain, grief, in this case. They can be an important part of making the rest of the recovery process possible.

Much of the advice on this thread is absolutely terrible. He should be talking with his doctor or therapist.
 
172andyou said:
PTSD, which this might well be, can be successfully treated with drugs.
Depression caused by grief can be successfully treated with drugs.

It's a very common, but very wrong, thing to say that drugs mask the pain, grief, in this case. They can be an important part of making the rest of the recovery process possible.

Much of the advice on this thread is absolutely terrible. He should be talking with his doctor or therapist.
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You do realize it is possible to be extremely sad without being clinically depressed, right?
 
SkyChaser said:
You do realize it is possible to be extremely sad without being clinically depressed, right?
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Absolutely. You do realize that's why I said "can", "some" and "should be talking to a doctor" instead of telling him to self prescribe medication, right? I even put asterisks around the word some to make sure no one missed it and became confused thinking that I was saying everyone needed or would benefit from drugs. That said, *some* people can benefit greatly from drugs in the case of grief counseling and loss mitigation, even if they don't have an underlying clinical depression.
 
172andyou said:
Absolutely. You do realize that's why I said "can", "some" and "should be talking to a doctor" instead of telling him to self prescribe medication, right? I even put asterisks around the word some to make sure no one missed it and became confused thinking that I was saying everyone needed or would benefit from drugs. That said, *some* people can benefit greatly from drugs in the case of grief counseling and loss mitigation, even if they don't have an underlying clinical depression.
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Yes, I did read that, but I still don't think that the percentage of population who actually benefits from drugs in the long term is anywhere near large enough to warrant advice to take drugs, or even defend drugs being given to grieving patients. They're not mentally ill.

Also, look at this medical forum. If a person goes into a doctor, and tells them, "I'm feeling really sad, because my wife just-" and poof! They've got Prozac or Wellbutrin or whatever they give out as happy pills these days all written out on the prescription pad. Unless the OP has a truly exceptional doctor, that's just the way it is going to the doctor these days. As a pilot, that's a really bad thing to have happen.
 
SkyChaser said:
Yes, I did read that, but I still don't think that the percentage of population who actually benefits from drugs in the long term is anywhere near large enough to warrant advice to take drugs, or even defend drugs being given to grieving patients. They're not mentally ill.

Also, look at this medical forum. If a person goes into a doctor, and tells them, "I'm feeling really sad, because my wife just-" and poof! They've got Prozac or Wellbutrin or whatever they give out as happy pills these days all written out on the prescription pad. Unless the OP has a truly exceptional doctor, that's just the way it is going to the doctor these days. As a pilot, that's a really bad thing to have happen.
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I am consistently impressed by your insight.
 
172andyou said:
Absolutely. You do realize that's why I said "can", "some" and "should be talking to a doctor" instead of telling him to self prescribe medication, right? I even put asterisks around the word some to make sure no one missed it and became confused thinking that I was saying everyone needed or would benefit from drugs. That said, *some* people can benefit greatly from drugs in the case of grief counseling and loss mitigation, even if they don't have an underlying clinical depression.
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As has been discussed here ad exhaustion, doctors and diagnoses go hand in hand. With some doctors, that can be said about medication as well.

But people can also seek the kind of help this thread is about from non-doctor professionals, professionals who have the training and proximity to potentially refer a patient to a different type of professional, if necessary. That might be a wise place to advise a pilot concerned about his medical to start. Especially since a pilot who's already expressed concern for his medical might be hesitant to start anywhere.
 
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